Terry Deary - Dark Knights And Dingy Castles

For Laura Ritzema

C ONTENTS

Introduction

History can be horrible. For a start, teachers and parents expect you to learn so much

The trouble is they try to make it too simple

And nothing is ever that simple. Take the men of war. If you were rich you rode on a horse, were well fed and fit and would be treated like a gentleman if you fell in battle. If you were poor youd tramp through freezing mud or choking dust on sore feet, be half-starved and sickly, and if you fell in battle youd be slaughtered like a turkey at Christmas. Whap!

This book is mainly about the rich blokes on the horses. No, not the boring facts about their greaves and poleyns but the interesting facts that you really want to know, about the glaives and the pullings. Because greaves and poleyns are just metal plates to protect the shins and the knees. You can see rusty, dusty things like that in some old museum. But glaives are sharp curved knives on long poles that had hooks on for pulling a knight off his horse. The common foot soldiers would use them. Once an armour-plated knight was down on the ground, the foot soldier would use the sharp, pointy end to find a little chink between two plates of armour. Hed work it into the gap till he found a nice soft bit of human being.

If you were a freezing, starving peasant and you had your glaive at the neck of a rich, fat man in a can, what would you do? Thats what history should be about. People. How did they behave? Why did they behave like that? And what would you do if youd been in their shoes or their solerets ?

This is the story of soldiers who fought on horseback from around AD 1000 to about 1600 dangerous men, dark knights. Men who said theyd be true to their leader (some hope), polite to everyone (fat chance) and defend the weak (you must be joking).

After about 1600 knights were any men or women that the monarch chose to honour. They didnt have to serve the monarch with a sword and a horse in fact a lot of them couldnt sit on a horse without falling off or hold a sword without dropping it on somebodys foot. So after 1600 knights get about as exciting as two snakes having a boxing match.

This is also the story of the homes they lived in, fought in and fought to get in their castles. A bungalow at Brighton wasnt good enough for a knight, oh, no. He had to build a posh stone pile with creepy corridors, twisting turrets; bleak buildings from their bloodstained battlements to their dismal, dank and dingy dungeons. Why didnt they settle for a cottage in Cambridge or a flat in Fleetwood? Because they thought a castle was safe ! But were there ways of cracking open castles and deading desperate defenders? Read on and find out

Timeline

About AD China. The stirrup is invented. Now warriors can fight on horseback without falling off the saddle.

About AD 1000 France. Norman horsemen stop throwing their spears and start using them underarm to stab. The lance is born. The clever Normans invent chain mail at around the same time.

1041 Winchester. First mention of jousting in England knights charging at one another with lances for sport.

1050s Europe. Soldiers begin to swear not to hurt women, children or priests and not to fight on holy days or between Thursday and Sunday. (That left 80 days a year.) The idea of knighthood starts to grow.

1066 William the Conqueror invades England and his Norman conquerors start building castles with square wooden walls and towers to defend themselves.

1086 England. The Domesday Book describes all the land and lords in England but no knights are mentioned. But the king dubbed his son in this year he touched his shoulders with a sword and the boy became a knight.

1095 Pope Urban II asks for knights to defend the Christian church in Jerusalem and throw out the Turkish rulers. Its the start of the First Crusade.

1096 The Peasants Crusade, led by Peter the Hermit, sets off for Jerusalem before the knights and most are massacred.

Early 1100s Castles are being made from stone now. Tournaments (thats men battering opponents for fun) turn war into a sport. (Please note: being battered is not so much fun.)

1120 The Knights Templars are formed fighting monks who will protect the pilgrims in Jerusalem.

1130 Pope Innocent II bans tournaments because he thinks the knights should not die fighting unless its on his Crusade of course, then its all right!

1135 Civil War in England. Every powerful man builds his own castle and King Stephen is powerless to stop them.

1145 A Second Crusade is organized and fails pretty miserably. God was supposed to protect Crusaders, so he gets the blame.

1186 Germany. A new law says only the sons of knights can become knights. Euro-peasants stay peasants. But brave English peasants can be knighted by the king.

1187 A Third Crusade has lots of great kings (like Richard the Lionheart of England) but does little better than the Second Crusade.

Late 1100s Poems about knights become popular in France Tournaments become respectable.

Early 1200s Knights start fighting in armour plates. Before theyd used chain mail hard to keep the rust off. The longbow is invented in Wales: one arrow can go through a knight and his horse!

1261 The Christians lose Jerusalem, so the Crusades were pointless.