Terry Deary - Measly Middle Ages
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- Year:2011
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www.horriblehistoriesworld.co.uk
With sincere thanks to Helen Greathead
Scholastic Childrens Books,
Euston House, 24 Eversholt Street,
London NW1 1DB, UK
A division of Scholastic Ltd
London ~ New York ~ Toronto ~ Sydney ~ Auckland
Mexico City ~ New Delhi ~ Hong Kong
First published in the UK by Scholastic Ltd, 1996
This electronic edition published 2011
Some of the material in this book has previously been published in Horrible Histories:
The Massive Millennium Quiz Book/ Horribly Huge Quiz Book
Text Terry Deary, 1996, 1999
Illustrations Martin Brown, 1996, 1999
All rights reserved
eISBN 978 1407 12959 4
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage or retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical or otherwise, now known or hereafter invented, without the express prior written permission of Scholastic Limited.
Produced in the UK by Quadrum
The right of Terry Deary and Martin Brown to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work respectively has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
www.scholastic.co.uk/zone
History is horrible. Horribly confusing at times. People cant even agree what happened yesterday
When events happened last year, last century or hundreds of years ago we have no chance of knowing the whole truth
You see the problem? Queen Isabeau was described as a tall, short, dark, fair woman, while French peasants were starving, well-fed, smelly people who had regular baths. Historians and teachers have usually said what they thought and thats not the same as giving the facts.
Who can you believe? No one! Your school-books will probably give you one side of the story
This book will give you the other side
Look at the facts and make up your own mind!
The Romans in Britain go home. The Early Middle Ages start usually known as the Dark Ages.
First Viking attack is on a monastery where the measly murderous maniacs massacre a few monks.
Vikings stay for the winter in England for the first time.
Alfred the Great becomes King of Wessex. He rules the south and kindly lets the Danish Vikings rule the north of England.
Alfred dead and buried. Alfred the Great becomes Alf-in-a-crate.
1017 Vikings triumph when Knut (or Canute) becomes king of all of England.
1066 Nutty Norman Knights arent satisfied with living in France. The fighting fellers want Britain too. They invade, and hack English King Harold to bits. Their boss, William the Conker, pinches his throne. Historians usually start the Later Middle Ages here.
1086 Measly meanie William orders a record of all his land and people so he can tax them. Thats how the Domesday Book came about.
1099 European armies set off to capture Jerusalem for the Christian Church. These religious expeditions to the Holy Land are known as Crusades. Away win for Crusaders!
1215 Measly King John gets too greedy for money and power. His barons make him sign the Magna Carta and give power back to the people well, the rich people.
1264 Henry III has trouble with the barons. Rebel leader Simon de Montfort captures him and takes over the country for a year. The royal forces kill Simon within a year and send his head to Lady Mortimer as a gift. (And it wasnt even Christmas!)
1291 The Crusaders are driven out of the Holy land. End of Crusading. Who can these men in cans fight next? Each other!
1303 The Baltic Sea freezes over and starts what we now see as the Little Ice Age (lasts till 1700). Shorter growing seasons measly food means hunger and misery for millions.
1315 Floods compared to Noahs flood in the Bible. Ruined crops. Hungrier and miserabler millions. Reports from Europe of people eating cats, dogs, pigeons droppings and even their own children.
1337 English king Edward III says hes king of France. The French dont agree and so they fight and fight and fight (on and off) the start of the Hundred Years War.
1349 The Black Death kills off millions in Europe.
1431 French heroine Joan of Arc is captured after stuffing the English armies in battle. She is burned as a witch.
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