Psiakis - Tying the Knot Without Doing Your Block: A Wedding Survival Guide for Top Chicks and Their Blokes

Terri Psiakis has top-shelf credentials. A successful stand-up comic, writer and broadcaster since 2000, she has appeared on Rove , The Glass House , Spicks and Specks , ABC TVs Stand Up! and The Comedy Channels Stand Up Australia . She has written and performed six shows for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and has toured the nation with the Comedy Festival Roadshow. She will also be familiar to listeners of national youth broadcaster Triple J, where she was a regular presenter for six years.

Terri now co-hosts her own Triple M weekend breakfast show, Toast, with Justin Hamilton and Charlie Pickering.

Typically, Terri likes taking long walks on the beach. She also enjoys hiding out in her little house in the suburbs with her giant beagle and her beloved Bloke.

Dear Soon-To-Be-Married Lady,

Congratulations! Welcome to planning your wedding. I dont know how far into the planning process you are so lets take stock for a moment and find out how youre feeling:

On the verge of tears? Go straight to page 291. Then come back here when youre done.

Feeling tops? Good to hear. A glass of bubbly for the lady with the big, shiny smile!

Shitting yourself? Please relax (and no, I cant believe I said shit on the first page either). Some people freak out when it comes to wedding planning but my little book contains nothing to fear. Have a nip of something Irish and keep reading. Im serious.

I got hitched on Sunday, 25th of May 2008, and I can honestly tell you it was the best day of my life. And I wasnt even drunk! (The more astute among you are probably picking up on a theme.)

The thing is, not only was the actual wedding fun but I really, really enjoyed all the planning. And that surprised me a little because Id expected it to be stressful. This was partly due to the fact that for some reason, whenever I told another married person I was planning my wedding, theyd always roll their eyes towards the heavens, then put a hand on my shoulder and in a really low voice, ask if I was okay. And the other reason I expected it to be stressful was because every wedding planning guide I picked up kind of made a little bit of vomit come up into my mouth.

You see, most wedding guides are pretty much all the same: theyre very girly, very fussy and very traditional. They take everything way too seriously. And not one of them contains the phrase Lets all have a drink!

On the other hand, my little book is, quite simply, from me to you. And heres what you need to know about me: I am not a girly-girl. I dont believe in frills and frou-frou. I like doing things my own way. And I can smell a load of crap a mile off.

All that came into play when I was planning my wedding. And most importantly, it all comes into play in this book. Heres the deal: I promise to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about wedding planning. Although I should point out Im not a trained expert. Im not a professional wedding planner or a fancy-pants events coordinator. Im just a comedian who got married, so anything I say is based solely on my own opinion and experience.

There are even sections for your Almost-Husband: theyre called Blokes World (because Im creative) and they pop up throughout the book. Most wedding guides dont offer anything to people with testicles and Ive always thought thats a bit strange. Its their wedding too, so Ive included stuff for them in this book theyve got their own introduction and everything.

But if your blokes anything like mine, its hard to get him to read anything that doesnt involve nudity or sport (or even better, nude sport). So heres my advice: once youve read this book, bookmark the Blokes World sections and leave the book in the bathroom for your Almost-Husband to read on the bog. Then promise him that once hes done reading, youll play kick-to-kick with your top off. Trust me, this works. Dont ask me how I know.

As well as advice and suggestions, Ill also tell you some stories about events and situations that happened to me. In fact, Id love for you to think of this book as both a reference and a source of entertainment. Because God knows weddings can bring out the weird-arses (see The Celebrant, page 147).

Oh, and while were on the subject of this book being a reference, theres something else you should probably know. Im not a real go-getter. In fact, sometimes I really like being half-arsed. (Just ask my editor you wouldnt know it to look at her now, but she never even used to drink.) To put it bluntly, throughout the process of planning my wedding there were plenty of things I just couldnt care less about. So while this book will certainly help you, its not a detailed encyclopedia. Think of it more along the lines of a guide to how to plan a wedding without really trying. No, really.

I hope Tying the Knot Without Doing Your Block makes you laugh while you plan your wedding.