Cynthia Lechan Goodman MEd - The everything guide to narcissistic personality disorder: professional, reassuring advice for coping with the disorder - at work, at home, and in your family

THE

GUIDE TO
NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY
DISORDER

Dear Reader,

Imagine you say something that seems completely innocent, even lighthearted. Hmm, next time I put the Macintosh or Golden Delicious apples on my list for you, Ill have to specify large apples, not small, you say with a laugh. But he doesnt laugh. He scowls and begins a defensive tirade about how what he did was right. Did you accuse? Blame? Put down? Of course not!

You ask her, The appointment is for 9:30? and she replies, No, its 9:00, trying to remain calm because shed already given you two long explanations of how and why the time changed in the space of three days. How is it that you dont listen to me? She collapses inside herself, thinking, I cant connect, he claims he loves me but he only remembers what he says, and its usually wrong or twisted.

Communication, interactions, and day-to-day living with narcissists or those with NPD is anywhere from difficult and confusing to frustrating and damaging, and it is persistent. If you are dealing with someone with NPD regularlya partner, sibling, relative, friend, coworker, or bosslife will be a continuing mess of often impossible and damaging behaviors and interchanges. Typical and regular behaviors can include explosions and tirades of belittling, blame, and verbal abuse, leaving you feeling helpless to know what or how to say the next thing, feeling hurt and even damaged that this person does not seem to care about hearing you, listening to you, or paying attention to you, your feelings, or your ideas.

Each situation is a little different, but in this book you will find great ideas and valuable tools from our personal and professional experiences, along with heartfelt concern for you, so you can gain the knowledge and understanding you need to make your life and your relationships with narcissists or those with NPD better and more fulfilling.

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THE

GUIDE TO

NARCISSISTIC
PERSONALITY
DISORDER

Professional, reassuring advice for coping with the disorderat work, at home, and in your family

Cynthia Lechan Goodman, MEd and Barbara Leff, LCSW

To my beloved son Brett Jay Leff, whose loving understanding supported my work. B.L.

To my loving husband Steve, who crosses the bridges to learn about my world and opens himself up to courageously learn about his own world. C.G.

With love and thankfulness for Charlotte Goodman, the most quintessential mother-in-law and best friend, for her understanding of the inevitable mistakes of parenting and for her model of never-ending unlimited support, thoughtfulness, recognition, generosity, and love for both her sons and her daughters-in-law.

With heartfelt gratitude to Ziva Avramovich, clinical and geriatric therapist, whose words allow the possibilities for individuals and couples to find bridges of connections to each other, building on learning, understanding, and love.

With love forever to my devoted family, for always being there with unlimited support for me, for recognizing and encouraging my talents, and for instilling in me the respect, compassion, and empathy for the uniqueness of others.

With the deepest level of thankfulness for the loving, supportive friendship of forty years of Frank Cannavo, LCSW, whose natural compassion, empathy, patience, and appreciation of others have helped to heal many.

With the utmost appreciation for my editor, Kate Powers, who has the gift of knowing, and the skills to shape words to allow another persons writing abilities and ideas to shine through clearly, and simply, from the heart and soul.

With enduring gratitude to Rabbi Allan Tuffs, who officiated at my marriage and rededication of marriage, for his spiritual leadership, and friendship that has supported the loving growth and bonds of my family.

1. A need to feel superior to others; belittles and demeans others in this regard
2. Little or no empathy or compassion for the feelings, thoughts, or opinions of others
3. Always preoccupied with his own problems or thoughts
4. Shows little or no respect for authority and/or has little concern for morals
5. Extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism
6. Exploitative and vain toward all in order to provide a sense of power, exceptionalism, or feeling better than others
7. Prone to explosive fits of rage
8. Extreme jealousy
9. Lacks the ability to admit when wrong
10. Distorts and lies to support her own interests, perceptions, and goals

He seeks, is sought, he burns and he is burnt.
And how he kisses the deceitful fount;
and how he thrusts his arms to catch the neck
thats pictured in the middle of the stream!
Yet never may he wreathe his arms around
that image of himself.

THIS PASSAGE IS FROM Ovids Metamorphoses: Echo and Narcissus