Davis - Happily ever laughter: discovering the lighter side of marriage

Ken Davis

A husband who didnt know how to do housework decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, Hey, what setting do I use on the washing machine?

She answered, Well, it depends. What does it say on your shirt?

He yelled back, Denver Broncos!

You know, my wife and I consistently experience this kind of miscommunication. For example, recently Diane has been asking me to share my feelings. While waiting at a stoplight the other day, I spotted one of my favorite donut shops across the street. Because Im trying to lose weight, I shouldnt go there anymore. Suddenly it hit methats a feeling, and I decided to share it. So wistfully I sighed, Dunkin Donuts.

Diane said, a little indignantly, What?

I repeated, a bit louder and a bit irritated myself, Dunkin Donuts.

This time she said it louder, What?

I have to admit, at that point I lost it. What part of Dunkin Donuts dont you understand! I shouted. To which she responded, with the same volume, Dont condone what?

I guess she expected me to actually pull up to the shop and mime eating a donut before she would understand what I was talking about.

Today she came in the door from a trip to the grocery store and a few other places. We had talked about her picking up a DVD to watch, so I asked, Did you get Bourne Ultimatum?

What? she said. Evidently she saw me roll my eyes, because she responded defensively, I dont know what porno tomato is. Then we both started laughing. I caught my breath just in time to tell her, Im not going to try to explain it to you.

You know, Diane says that I expect her to read my mind. Well, hello! Wasnt that part of the marriage ceremony? Nope. But laughter certainly was part of the deal. Its often the glue that helps us keep things in perspectivelaughter and a healthy awareness that neither of us is entirely OK.

The contributions that fill this book are intended to shine the spotlight of laughter on marriage, in hopes of helping us remember the fine line between deep satisfaction coupled with joy on the one hand and dissatisfaction coupled with joylessness on the other. Marriages need the kind of laughter that comes out of joy. And joy always involves choices we make. We have good reasons, even in marriage, to choose joy! What you will read in these pages are some examples of married people who are choosing joyand laughing as they do. They are deciding to see what is funny in life even during uncomfortable and difficult times.

Deciding to choose joy doesnt mean we pretend that life isnt hard. Joy never says, I just love beating myself on the thumb with a hammer because it feels so good when I stop! Joy says, Yeah, that hurt. It hurt

something fierce! It broke a good streak of perfect behavior I had going that day. As the thumb throbbed and began to take on gigantic proportions, a bad word formed back in the dark regions of my brain. You know the feeling. You might already be laughing, bracing yourself for a bad word, or trying to guess which bad word was lurking in my mind. The word youre thinking of will do fine.

The point Im trying to make is not that we should come up with more colorful bad words but that we have a lot of traits in common. We do demonstrate bad aim with hammers. And we curiously connect our throbbing thumb with a bad word, as if one is going to fix the other. These odd tendencies provoke laughter, and we all have a deep need for laughterfor joy. We need to see that just because life is difficult doesnt mean there are no more reasons to laugh. You wont find any bad words in this book, but you will find some valuable lessons in joy.

Marriage is an important and serious commitment, and laughter is a crucial part of keeping marriage alive. Happily Ever Laughter is the right kind of title for this book. It says a lot more than you think when you first read it. When I first heard it, the phrase hit me like those punch lines that work because they slightly alter reality, like asking someone, Would you rather die or just lose your life? I was thinking after, but my ears were registering laughter. It took me a second to make the connection. It made me smile. This book challenges the widely accepted idea that marriage should be about living happily ever after and replaces it with the much better and more achievable idea of living happily ever laughter.

So enjoy these stories. If you and your spouse read them together, you will find different parts funny. When Im telling stories about our marriage, Diane laughs at the oddest parts...

Make sure you welcome laughter in your marriage. It will go a long way toward helping you live happily.