Mathews - Letting go of good: dispel the myth of goodness to find your genuine self

Llewellyn Publications

Woodbury, Minnesota

Copyright Information

Letting Go of Good: Dispel the Myth of Goodness to Find Your Genuine Self 2017 by Andrea Mathews.

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First e-book edition 2017

E-book ISBN: 9780738753256

Book design by Bob Gaul
Cover design by Lisa Novak

Editing by Aaron Lawrence

Llewellyn Publications is an imprint of Llewellyn Worldwide Ltd.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data (Pending)

ISBN: 978-0-7387-5223-5

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Disclaimer

The publisher and the author assume no liability for any injuries caused to the reader that may result from the readers use of content contained in this publication and recommend common sense when contemplating the practices described in the work.

Authors Note

It is very easy to blame and judge parents, family, and primary caregivers for our circumstances. This book is not meant to blame or judge. Rather it is meant to facilitate awakening to conscious responsibility for ones own actions, reactions, thoughts, and feelings. It is by taking such responsibility that we can become whole authentic people. While we must look at the conscious and unconscious actions of those in our families of origin in order to understand how we developed our particular identifications, this book is meant to enable us to look past the age-old good and bad paradigm (which commonly includes blame and judgment) to a paradigm that helps us distinguish between the false identity and the true Self.

Since this book is meant to support an awakening, it may be used as a form of individual study or in combination with therapy. But it is not meant to substitute for therapy where therapy is needed.

The named characters found in this book are fictionalized from composite samplings of my experience as a mental health clinician. Though their issues are drawn from an amalgamation of case histories, they should not be seen as actual individuals, couples, or families with whom I have worked. My work with clients is always confidential.

Acknowledgments

Years of experience went into the writing of this book. So, first I want to thank all of the many people I have known in my life who have shared their journeys with me, particularly those who have supported me in my own journey to wholeness. Whether my personal experience with you was difficult or easy, I gained tremendously from our encounter, and I thank you. I give special thanks to Thomas Moore for his encouragement of my writing and his enthusiasm about this particular topic. As always I so appreciate his wisdom, some of which he graciously put into the foreword of this book. I thank Leslie West for her enduring support and encouragement that absolutely never, ever fails. I thank my family for our collective genetic writing capacities, which enable me to continue to writethus fulfilling one of my deepest and most sincere desires. I thank my agent, Krista Goering, for her time, effort, and willingness to help me get this book out there. And finally, I want to thank Angela Wix for her untiring efforts to help me make this into the book it has become.

Contents

by Thomas Moore

• : Why We Need to Let Go of Good
  and Learn to Be Genuine Instead
• 2 Understanding Projection, Introjection, and the
  Good-Guy Identity
• 3 Reinforcements:
  Empathy and Bargaining
• : Becoming Aware of the Falsehoods
  That Hold Us Back
• 5 Give Them the
  Benefit of the Doubt
• 7 Lifes Purpose
  Is Helping Others
• 13 You Are Responsible
  for How I Feel
• 20 When the Good
  Guy Misuses Others
• : Healing: Making Friends
  with Difficult Emotions
• 21 Understanding
  the Inner World: Your
  Internal Messaging System
• : Healing: Making Friends
  with Your Personal Powers
• : What to Expect from
  the Overall Healing Process
• 29 The Differentiation/
  Integration Process
• 30 Practice That
  Becomes Process