Oliver Carrie - Mad about us moving from anger to intimacy with your spouse

Praise forMad About Us
by Gary and Carrie Oliver

Dr. Gary Oliver is not only my key mentor in life, but the person who actually helped me really understand whats beneath the power of anger and what you can do about it.

Gary Smalley, author of The DNA of Relationships

Anger has been a destroyer of many marriages, but one of the powerful things Gary and Carrie show us is how to harness the energy of anger to lead us into a deeper level of intimacy in marriage. Not only is this a clear, practical book on enriching our marriages, it is also an intimate and honest look into the marriage of the authors. Ive known Gary and Carrie for years, and they lived the reality of what theyve written.

David Stoop, PhD, author of Better Than Ever: Seven
Secrets to a Great Marrriage

Every couple needs this book! Why? Because conflict is inevitable and Gary and Carrie Oliver show you, step-by-step, how to use your conflicts to your advantage. They give you the tools you need to cultivate deeper and deeper intimacynot in spite of your conflict, but because of it! With their help youll create an emotional safety net for your relationship. And youll turn your conflicts inside out with Mad About Us.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, authors of Your Time-Starved
Marriage

If youre serious about having a passionate, caring, connected marriage... then walk to the counter and buy this book right now. We cannot think of a more courageous couple than Gary and Carrie Oliver. What they learned in the battles they faced over the years can help keep your marriage from becoming a war zone. Even more, their I can do that! wisdom can turn mad into madly in love with your spouse.

John and Cindy Trent, The Center for StrongFamilies

If you want to take your marriage from good to great, if you want to discover the DNA of intimacy in ways that can transform your marriage, then you must read Mad About Us. Youll be pleasantly surprised at how easy it can be to increase the passion and deepen the intimacy in your marriage. This is a book youll read more than once and recommend to your friends.

Tim Clinton, President, American Association of Christian
Counselors.

Years ago we planted two trees... feet from each other and watched them grow over the years. In the early stages they were both nourished by the sun and rain and grew independent of each other. Then their root systems went deeper and began to intertwine with each other to the point where today if you look deep beneath the surface they appear as one. But it didnt happen without struggle, roots wrapping around each other, at times crowding each other out and fighting for nourishment. And today they bring shade, strength, and beautiful color to our lives. A bit like becoming one in marriage. We bring our own root systems into our union, as we grow we fight for our place and ultimately become so interdependent and connected that we cant discern where one of us begins and the other ends. Our dear friends, Gary and Carrie Oliver, bring a vulnerable, inside look at Gods grace in taking two strong trees and making them one, not in spite of the struggles but because they walked through the storms of life... together. The Olivers unpack an inside look into the God-given emotion of anger and how they not only grew through the struggles but glorified God and experienced the intimacy that can only come through the struggles. Gary and Carrie are two of our heroes. Read this book, Mad About Us, and they will become your heroes as well.

Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, authors of Divorce-Proof Your
Marriage

GARY J. OLIVER
Phd
CARRIE OLIVER
MA
MAD
ABOUT
US
MOVING FROM
INTIMACY
WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Mad About Us
Copyright 2007
Gary Oliver and Carrie Oliver

Cover design by Lookout Design, Inc.

Unless otherwise identified, Scripture quotations are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations identified NKJV are from the New King James Version of the Bible. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations identified NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations identified NASB are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations identified TLB are from The Living Bible 1971 owned by assignment by Illinois Regional Bank N.A. (as trustee). Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438

Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Printed in the United States of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Oliver, Gary J.
Mad about us : moving from anger to intimacy with your spouse / Gary J. Oliver, Carrie Oliver.
p. cm.
Summary: Gives couples practical, biblical ways to transform the energy of unhealthy anger into a healthy passion that can free them to deal with core fears, hurts, and frustrations in ways that build trust and lead to deeper intimacyProvided by publisher.

ISBN-13: 978-0-7642-0449-4 (pbk. : alk. paper)
ISBN-10: 0-7642-0449-1 (pbk. : alk. paper)
1. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. AngerReligious aspects Christianity. I. Oliver, Carrie, 19592007. II. Title.
BV835.O45 2007
248.8'44dc22

2007023973

In celebration of the vibrant life of

Carrie E. Oliver

APRIL 21, 1959JULY 2, 2007

Loving wife
Beloved mother
Caring daughter and sister
Loyal friend
Wise counselor
A lover of Jesus

Jesus said to her, I am the resurrection and the life.
He who believes in me will live, even though he dies;
and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.

John 11:2526

PREFACE

F or the last two years of her life, my wife, Carrie, courageously battled metastatic pancreatic cancer. She had been given a three to six month prognosis, but with great faith in the goodness, grace, and sovereignty of her Lord Jesus Christ, with amazing courage and determination, and with the prayer support of friends, Carrie lived for two more years. Those two years were gifts to me, our family, our friends, and thousands of people who knew Carrie only from the Journal of Hope she kept on her Web site (www.carrieshealth.com). Shortly after we finished writing Mad About Us, Carrie went from the arms of her family to the arms of the Lord she loved and had so faithfully served.