Pantsdrunk is R&R for a restless world. If we believe the husky-sized headlines barking at us every which way we turn, the end is nigh. Its almost impossible to tell whats real news, fake news, or both. Climate change, international terrorism, Auto-Tune pop, democratically elected presidents, the plastic surgery of aging celebritieseach bit of news is more depressing than the last.
The Nordic countries have a range of traditional antidotes to weltschmerz. When the storms of the world rage, peace-loving Scandinavians know theres little the individual can do to have an appreciable impact. What you can do is concentrate on yourself and your loved ones in hopes of making things easieror at least slightly more tolerable.
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In Sweden and Norway, this philosophy is emblematized by the concept of lagom, which is both a saying and a precept. Lagom can be translated as in moderation, in perfect balance, or just right. Where lagom reigns, all is as it should be. Proportion is maintained: theres neither too much nor too little. Lagom is democratic, ecological, and in many respects the true essence of Nordic thinking.
Which is where the problem lies. Although lagom encapsulates nearly all aspects of the well-lived life, its puritanism isnt compatible with the realities of the 2010s. The modern human may be responsible, but he or she is also an individualist who wants to make decisions freely, find relief from daily trials and tribulations, and get silly sometimes. The problem with lagom lies in its emphasis on being a good person: a good person can never really kick back, because theyre constantly weighing the ethical consequences of their decisions.
Dullness is safe, but so is death.
Denmark, for its part, is renowned for its hygge: embracing ambiance, luxuriating in leisureliness, and relishing the moment. Hygge is a mug of hot cocoa in the warm glow of candlelight while snow drifts down outside the window. Whereas lagom is a state of mind and an attitude toward life, hygge is achieved by constructing and shaping your physical environment. And its true: youd have to be emotionally dead to be immune to the gratifying anesthesia of a wool blanket, a blazing fire, some organic Brie, a supple red wine, and a row of leather-bound spines on the bookshelf.
Hygge is the glossy image weve all seen on the pages of interior design magazines and lifestyle blogs. And this is its failing: not all of us have the means to lie by a brick fireplace burning birch logs on stormy autumn evenings. Hygge is like a Disney movie that leaves no place for hemorrhoids, mucusy tears of self-pity, or questionable stains in any number of locations. It leaves no place for real life.
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In the Nordic palette of survival strategies, the Finn relies not on lagom or hygge but on kalsariknni: the primeval yet surprisingly cosmopolitan concept of pantsdrunk. It can be adapted to every corner of the world, regardless of circumstance, milieu, or mood.
Pantsdrunk doesnt demand over-the-top arrangements. Affordability and democracy are its hallmarks. Its quick acting and suitable for all who have reached the age of majority.
Pantsdrunk provides an opportunity for authentic, total, and true relaxation.
Pantsdrunk is a fast, effective way of recovering from everyday stress.
Pantsdrunk is the antithesis of posing, performing, or pretense: one does not post atmospheric images on Instagram while pantsdrunk.
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Pantsdrunk is real.
The relaxing effect of pantsdrunk derives from simple elements: comfortable clothes, alcohol imbibed in appropriate amounts, and a little something to do. And yet the optimization of these elements is not sufficient on its own. Properly understood, kalsariknni requires openness of mind and a willingness to go with the flow. As a matter of fact, the psycho-emotional aspects of pantsdrunk are akin to mindfulness, where, harnessing skills in awareness, presence, and observation, practitioners focus on experiencing the moment with full acceptance. But where mindfulness guides propose a variety of breathing regimes, pantsdrunk taps physical substances to open up a shortcut to the destination: utter relaxation.
Reflections on pantsdrunk
I discovered pantsdrunk for the first time in my twenties, when life was pretty hectic on just about every front. I was living with roommates at the time, and wed occasionally engage in group pantsdrunk: throw on some grubby sweats and sip away watching reality TV or some other garbage. More than once, those relaxing evenings ended up in frantic mobilization of our makeup arsenals at the kitchen table, the front door slamming behind us as we teetered to the nearest club an hour before last call. Those were the days! Now, as a working mom, I relish the moments when the familys asleep and I can collapse on the couch with a big glass of red wine and binge-watch a good series from some online service. A well-constructed yet subdued pantsdrunk session also helps me fall asleep a lot easier.
Woman, 42, publisher
When I am pantsdrunk, I often browse corporate information online and check out the turnover of different companies. Or else I browse YouTube. The search terms ice hockey and eurodance bring up all sorts of stuff. I never make it through an entire video; I just jump around the list of recommended videos and end up deeper and further from the original topic.