Stoker - Overcoming fake talk: how to hold real conversations that create respect, build relationships, and get results

Advance Praise for Overcoming Fake Talk

Overcoming Fake Talk is not only a terrific book title, but it also should be the mantra of anyone whos determined to get consistently great results. Many well-intended people dance around the issues that beg for open and candid discussion. Trouble is, when the topic is risky, they simply dont have the skills to carry on a real conversation. So they engage in fake talk. Then, when the tough issues dont get resolved, they engage in more fake talk and the cycle starts to resemble a scene from Groundhog Day. John Stokers book is a breakthrough because it so clearly identifies a common problem that few have really talked about, and it offers principles, practices, and skills so necessary for honest, trust-building conversation. If youre truly interested in respect, relationships, and results, this book is for you.

Stephen M. R. Covey, bestselling author of The Speed of Trust and Smart Trust

John R. Stokers book Overcoming Fake Talk offers the principles, paradigms, and processes for holding REAL conversations to enhance results while other authors only focus on the process for holding conversations that really matter. Not only does the author deal effectively with the psychology for holding any difficult conversation, but he also offers practical tools and techniques that can be applied in the toughest business and personal situations. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to hold REAL conversations and build better relationships in their personal and professional lives.

Ricardo Lillo, president and CEO, DOOR Training International

Nothing about authentic leadership is fakeand that includes all forms of talk and walk. So, if you are now a leaderor if you aspire to be a leaderyou need to learn how to have REAL conversations. John Stokers enlightening and entertaining book, Overcoming Fake Talk, will help you to gain and maintain influence with key stakeholders by holding REAL conversations that get results.

Marshall Goldsmith, New York Times bestselling author of MOJO and What Got You Here Wont Get You There

REAL conversations help you find your competitive edge. In John Stokers book, Overcoming Fake Talk, he provides us with simple and profound skills for cultivating the ideas and energy that drive organizational change and innovation through people. Truly, the types of conversations we hold create respect, build relationships, and uncover opportunities for growth by tuning in to what people say in entirely new ways.

Andrea Kates, author of the bestselling business strategy book Find Your Next

John Stokers book Overcoming Fake Talk provides a very balanced approach to the art and science of conversation that engages your head, heart, and handsall essential elements to connect with people at a deeper, more meaningful level. This book gives you clear theory and the practical skills you need to achieve desired results, earn respect, and develop effective relationships, personally and professionally. I highly recommend it!

Dennis S. Reina, PhD, coauthor of the award-winning, bestselling business books Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace and Rebuilding Trust in the Workplace, www.ReinaTrustBuilding.com

Now more than ever healthcare leaders are challenged with providing exceptional and compassionate service for our patients and families. As costs continue to increase and reimbursement declines, physicians, healthcare executives, and associates must work together to reduce costs and increase efficiency. We must also improve our relationship with our community to strengthen its confidence that we will consistently deliver on our brand promise to provide an excellent patient and family experience. John Stokers book Overcoming Fake Talk teaches the skills and process for holding REAL conversations that increase engagement and get results.

Kenneth R. Buser, president and CEO, Wheaton Franciscan HealthcareAll Saints, www.mywheaton.org

There is more in John Stokers Overcoming Fake Talk than a bookshelf of self-help books about communication, relationship building, and career advancement can hope to provide. In plain languagebacked by hard scientific dataJohn lays out everything anyone needs to know about authentic connectedness with others. In a world gone mad with pseudo-intimacy and hypocrisy, Overcoming Fake Talk just might save us from the phony tweets, Facebook likes, and all other manner of ersatz self-expression that threaten to erode the fabric of our society.

Dr. Steven Berglas, former faculty member, Harvard Medical School Department of Psychiatry; world-renowned expert and lecturer (USC, UCLA) on the Psychology of the Entrepreneurial Spirit; and author of Reclaiming the Fire: How Successful People Can Overcome Burnout as well as numerous other books and articles

So many leaders have failed themselves, their families, their shareholders, and their neighbors on the most important of leadership behaviors: honesty, integrity, and ethical decision making. Given the resultant state of the economy, geopolitical instability, and competitive leadership challenges, I cannot imagine a strategy more necessary than REAL conversation. Overcoming Fake Talk by John R. Stoker provides sound principles, effective tools, and compelling stories to encourage the practice of more authentic, transparent, and impactful human interactions. A great storyteller, Mr. Stoker uses interesting and relevant stories to provide the rationale for the effectiveness of each tool and method. With proper application, one can use REAL conversations to achieve extraordinary results. In sum, it is a good primer to expand self-awareness and improve performance.

Michael G. Winston, past EVP and Global HeadLeadership and Organization Strategy at five Fortune 100 companies

It is about time that someone had the guts and the intelligence to expose our phony and empty conversations. In Overcoming Fake Talk, John Stoker not only provides many examples of how we distort and play one-upmanship ego games, but he also prescribes eight principles to cure once and for all our conversational lameness, lapses, and lies. Take the cure!

Irving H. Buchan, PhD, Capella University

John Stoker is right on target with his message of Overcoming Fake Talk; as Ive learned over 30 years of coaching leaders, the only way to Lead NOW is to engage in REAL conversation with team members about what matters most. John zeros in on the keys behind developing vital results-driven relationships through genuine and focused communication. All leaders need to study and apply his timely prescription!

John Parker Stewart, Leadership Coach, Executive Development Specialist, and author of several books including LEAD NOW!; president and founder, Stewart Systems, Inc.; www.johnparkerstewart.com

John Stoker scores early and often with his groundbreaking book Overcoming Fake Talk. He begins with the premise that much of what passes for meaningful conversation is counterfeit because the participants either tiptoe around the real issues or ignore them altogether. Then he offers a wealth of easy-to-understand principles and practices that help you engage in the REAL conversations that produce deeper respect, better relationships, and stronger results. I like this book so much I wish Id written it myself.

Rodger Dean Duncan, bestselling author of Change-Friendly Leadership

For 30 years, Ive tried to help people see the difference between fake (counterfeit) and real (authentic) leadership. John Stoker not only reveals fake talk, but he also delivers spot-on advice for holding REAL conversations that cultivate relationships, respect, and results. Read it and reap. Youll be a better, more effective leader.