John M. Gottman - The Science of Couples and Family Therapy: Behind the Scenes at the Love Lab

Note to Readers: Standards of clinical practice and protocol change over time, and no technique or recommendation is guaranteed to be safe or effective in all circumstances. This volume is intended as a general information resource for professionals practicing in the field of psychotherapy and mental health; it is not a substitute for appropriate training, peer review, and/or clinical supervision. Neither the publisher nor the authors can guarantee the complete accuracy, efficacy, or appropriateness of any particular recommendation in every respect.

Copyright 2018 by John M. Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman

All rights reserved
First Edition

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The Library of Congress has cataloged the printed edition as follows:

Names: Gottman, John Mordechai, author. | Gottman, Julie Schwartz, author.

Title: The science of couples and family therapy: behind the scenes at the love lab /

John M. Gottman, Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D.

Description: First edition. | New York: W. W. Norton & Company, [2018] |

Series: A Norton professional book | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2017019910 | ISBN 9780393712742 (hardcover(

Subjects: LCSH: Family psychotherapy. | Couples therapy.

Classification: LCC RC488.5 .G684 2018 | DDC 616.89/1562dc23 LC record available

at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017019910

ISBN: 978-0-393-71274-2

W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 500 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10110
www.wwnorton.com

W. W. Norton & Company Ltd., 15 Carlisle Street, London W1D 3BS

To
Dr. Richard McFall
John Gottmans mentor

The Science of Couples
and Family Therapy

Page numbers listed correspond to the print edition of this book. You can use your devices search function to locate particular terms in the text.

A

AA. see Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)

A Beautiful Mind, 24

Abrams, D., 239

Abrams, R.C., 239

acceptance-based couples therapy, 154, 152

accounting for variance, 64

actual initial math model, 29394

admiration system

increase in, 124

in SRH, 14748, 146f

adrenal cortex, 89

adrenaline

secreting, 9094

adrenal medulla, 89

adrenal responses

stressors effects on, 8889

affair(s)

cascade toward, 4649

case example, 5662

reasons for, 61

affect

balance theory of, 104

calm and neutral, 74

in high agreement-to-disagreement ratio, 74

mutual regulation or dysregulation of, 23233

negative (see negative affect)

perception of, 16

positive, 1079

start-up, 81

affect balance theory

of homeostasis, 1718

Affective Neuroscience, 206

Aftermath of a Fight or Regrettable Incident, 38

intervention for, 279

After the Fight, 38

After the Honeymoon, 15254

AG codes. see agreement (AG) codes

agreement (AG) codes

DG codes vs., 7375

agreement-to-disagreement ratio

components in, 7375

Ainsworth, M., 24748

Alameda County Study, 10

Albee, E., 6

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)

success rate of, xiii

alcoholism

behavioral marital therapy for treating, xiiixiv

Amazon, 253

American Psychological Association (APA)

on evidence-based small-effect therapies, xiixiii, xiiif

And Baby Makes Three, 248, 233

Anger, the Misunderstood Emotion, 151

Anna Karenina, 65

APA. see American Psychological Association (APA)

areas of concern

on Gottman Relationship Checkup questionnaire, 16162

Are Gay and Lesbian Cohabiting Couples Really Different From Heterosexual Married Couples?, 215

argument(s)

children viewing, 22829

arousal

diffuse physiological, 9293

physiological, 8890

Art and Science of Lovemaking, 212

Art and Science of Love workshop, 19, 280, 165

Asher, S., 261

asymmetry of power

during conflict, 131

atom(s)

planetary-style Bohr model of, 299, 298

atonement

case example, 5758

attachment injuries, 78

attachment security, 24748

attachment theory

moving beyond, 20710

attachment theory concept

of safe haven in relationship, 39

attachment theory perspective, 3334

attack-defend mode

to self-disclosure mode, 86

attractor(s)

described, 11112, 112f

negative, 301

positive, 111, 3001, 11315

stable, 3056

attractor graph, 11112, 112f

ATTUNE acronym, 36, 141

attuned pattern, 18283

attunement, 58, 84, 3537

case example, 18499

defined, 3637

everyday calm emotional, 14043, 142f

importance of, 18499

in listening, 36

mindfulness in, 36

automation

industrial, 1

avoidance

conflict, 59

avoider(s)

persuasion, 22021

Azrin, N.H., 28

B

baby(ies)

development effects on families, 25077

emotions of, 235, 235f

fantasy play talk with, 276

giving choices to, 276

psychologists discover, 23032

talking to about their feelings, 276

babys axis, 24244

Bach, G., 151

bad judgment

oxytocin as hormone of, 207

bad sex life

neglecting intimacy and, 21112

Bakeman, R., 72, 71

balance, 7

between positive and negative emotions in families, 1516

toward negative affect escalation, 1718

balance theory of affect, 104

Baretto, D., 214

Bateson, G., 8, 99, 24, x

Baucom, D., 55

behavior(s)

SPAFF-coding of emotional, 239, 160

behavioral marital therapy

mistake made in 1970s related to, 2830

for treating marital distress and alcoholism, xiiixiv

Belsky, J., 236

Berkman, L.F., 10

betrayal, 3962

building of, 4445

commitment as opposite of, 41

defined, 3940

features of, 43

Gottman-Glass-Rusbult hypothesized cascade toward, 4649

investing less and less in relationship and, 4344

loyalty as opposite of, 41

as marriage fear, 20

opposite of, 41

PTSD response to, 61

betrayal metric, 3940, 40f

in building safe haven, 3962

defined, 33

high, 4446

win-lose mentality in, 39

Better Bring a Bucket scene

from Monty Pythons The Meaning of Life, 252

Between Parent and Child, 252

bi-linear social influence theory, 1089, 108f

biological set points

as variables, 78

biological systems

set points of, 78

biology

stress, 8687

Birnbaum, G., 127

Blumstein, P., 215

Bohr model of atom

planetary-style, 299, 298

Bohr, N., 298

Bowen, M., 7, 8, 2, x

Bowlby, J., 33, 247

Bowling Alone, 32

brain

commitment in shutting down fear system in, 4950

pleasure center in, 53

Brando, M., 157

Brazelton, T.B., 232

bread with interest clip, 202

break(s)

taking, 9094

Bringing Baby Home program, 230, 248, 263, 165, 23640, 237f, 236f

Bruner, J., 16

Buehlman coding

of Our History Interview, 140