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David B. Cohen - Stranger in the nest: do parents really shape their childs personality, intelligence, or character?

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Stranger in the nest: do parents really shape their childs personality, intelligence, or character?: summary, description and annotation

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For decades, millions of parents have been told that they are primarily responsible for things gone wrong with their children. Mothers and fathers have internalized this message, producing an unrealistic and damaging sense of guilt, and even betrayal. Parents do affect their children, but how much? Our children are not born as blank slates. They come to us encrypted with their own predilections, biases, strengths, and weaknesses, many of which are as beyond the control of parents as determining their childs gender or eye color. Here, for the first time, is a scientifically grounded examination of the controversial idea that naturein the form of genetic blueprintsmay have far more influence on how children develop than a particular style of parenting. Parents reeling from the idea that they dont have much impact on how their children think, feel, and behave, will find both surprise and comfort in psychologist David Cohens riveting account of the importance, and limits, of inborn traits.Dr. Cohen weaves together a rich tapestry of research in behavioral genetics to illustrate the degree to which biology, rather than parenting, can impact a childs personality, values, and aptitudes. Identical twins separated at birth are reunited in mid-life to discover that they both drive the same car, have held the same jobs, named their sons James, and married women with the same first name not oncebut twice. Yet siblings reared together in the same family environment often grow up to have very different interests, abilities, and beliefs. The nurture correlation between good parenting and child development fails to explain how, of two children raised in a loving and supportive home, one grows up to be a pillar of the community, while the other becomes a drug abuser. Parents have been blamed for problems ranging from antisocial behavior to autism to schizophreniadisorders which Dr. Cohen reveals have a strong genetic component. On the flip side, parents who werent able to give their offspring a consistently safe and supportive home environment have happily taken the credit when their children grow up to be well-adjusted, hard-working members of society.The truth of the matter is that, if sufficiently strong, inborn potentials can trump parental influence, no matter how positive or negative. Some traits manifest themselves in such unexpected and uncontrollable ways that, for better or for worse, ones child may indeed seem like a perfect stranger.Stranger in the Nest puts a human face on the agesold naturenurture debate, providing a gripping, scientifically grounded examination of parental influence on childrens development. Any parent who has ever questioned what he or she did wrongor rightmust read this book.PRAISE FOR STRANGER IN THE NEST......rich with fascinating facts and excellent examples of how children develop more in obedience to their genetic steersman that to the influence of their parents. Scholarly, yet beautifully written and a joy to read. David T. Lykken, University of Minnesota and author of Happiness For decades, ... a book that turns its own pages. I could not put it down. Elegantly written, erudite, witty, informative, and bursting with new ideas, it challenges many of the core assumptions of modern psychology. Thomas J. Bouchard, Jr., University of Minnesota.A delightfully written book filled with new insights about relations between parents and their children. [Dr.] Cohen has a unique ability to blend new scientific findings with a writing style that deeply engages the reader. No one will come away thinking about families in the same way. David M. Buss, University of Texas at Austin, and author of The Evolution of Desire.A scientific revolution has begun in our understanding of what makes us what we are. Genes matter more than anyone had thought... Sensitive, intelligent, and provocative, this book will challenge you to reexamine the way you think about yourself and your fellow human beings. Steven Pinker, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and author of The Language Instinct and How the Mind Works.Required reading for all students of the art and science of parenting. Allan Hobson, Harvard Medical School, and author of The Chemistry of Conscious States: How the Brain Changes its Mind.

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Stranger in the Nest Do Parents Really Shape Their Childs Personality - photo 1
Stranger in the Nest
Do Parents Really Shape Their Child's Personality, Intelligence, or Character?
David B. Cohen
title Stranger in the Nest Do Parents Really Shape Their Childs - photo 2

title:Stranger in the Nest : Do Parents Really Shape Their Child's Personality, Intelligence, or Character?
author:Cohen, David B.
publisher:John Wiley & Sons, Inc. (US)
isbn10 | asin:0471319228
print isbn13:9780471319221
ebook isbn13:9780585249155
language:English
subjectNature and nurture, Nativism (Psychology)
publication date:1999
lcc:BF341.C55 1999eb
ddc:155.2/34
subject:Nature and nurture, Nativism (Psychology)
Page ii
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
Copyright 1999 by David B. Cohen. All rights reserved.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Published simultaneously in Canada.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except as permitted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 750-4744. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10158-0012, (212) 850-6011, fax (212) 850-6008, E-Mail: PERMREQ@WILEY.COM.
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services. If legal, accounting, medical, psychological or any other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Cohen, David B., 1941
Stranger in the nest : do parents really shape their child's personality,
intelligence, or character? / David B. Cohen.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-471-31922-8 (hardcover: alk. paper)
1. Nature and nurture. 2. Nativism (Psychology) I. Title.
BF341.C55 1999
155.234dc21 98-31371
CIP
Printed in the United States of America.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Page iii
For her cherished love, enduring friendship, and wise counsel, I
dedicate this book to my dear wife Leslie, and in deepest affection and
gratitude offer her a timeless valentine that evokes something of the spirit
of our relationship and the message of my work.
If Fate is just a roll of nature's dice
And happenstance is Fortune's main device,
Then love is blind, and mere caprice explains
Why romance comes with all its joys and pains.
But surely there is more to love than this:
When cupid's wound and Eros' artifice
Ignite two hearts with passions set in time
And merge two souls whose dreams are set to rhyme.
Since genes turn out to play a vital role
In how we sort in ways of heart and soul,
It means that instinct shapes our destiny
Though how this works is still a mystery.
And yet the sociobiologists
And biological psychologists
Admit that mental life is just as real,
That how we act will come from how we feel.
As feelings pushed by nature's inner dance
Compete with feelings pulled by circumstance,
The push and pull will merge like hand in glove
When past and future blend in deepest love.
Page iv
Picture 3
I have made a dream poem of humanity.... I have taken stock. I will remember.... Deep into the snow mountains my search has led me. Now I have it fast. My dream has given it to me, in utter clearness, that I may know it forever.
Thomas Mann
Page v
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The ideal book," said the Roman poet Horace, "is that which at the same time instructs and entertains.... Avoid words that are new obsolete, or sesquipedalianfoot-and-a-half words. Be as brief as clarity allows. Go straight to the heart of the matter... erase almost as much as you write...." Horace also advised, "submit your work to a competent critic, and beware of your friends." I have tried to follow all this advice except, I must admit, the last injunction. For not only did I consult many competent critics, both laymen and professional, I failed to cultivate wariness of friendsa wise decision, for my friends, like so many others, have been an inspiration.
For helping me in countless ways to turn good ideas into better text, I am grateful to many. Let me begin with two people whose intelligence and common sense kept me on track more often than I care to admit: my wife Leslie, who has the love and patience of Penelope, and my son Jason, who has the logic and impatience of Spock. Also, I thank colleagues Joe Horn, for his intellect, wisdom, courage, and good sense, the common as well as the uncommon kind, and Judy Langlois, for her ideas, enthusiasm, and encouragement. And I thank my good friend John Street for his wise and supportive badgering"Okay, then, what do we know?"that forced me to think more deeply about the facts and their implications.
I want to acknowledge the special contributions of others: University of Texas colleagues Jan Bruell and Lee Willerman, whose passing is a great loss, and Arnold Buss, David Buss, Michael Granof, John Loehlin, Eldon Sutton, and Del Thiessen; students Victoria Beckner, Suejeudi Beuhler, Ben Scharf, Teresa Sokal, Lisa Stanton, and Marlene Tellez; and Linda Greenberg, Edward Miller, Allan and Vicki Rakoff, Alana Rosshirt, Stanton Samenow, Seymour Walzer, and John Bell.
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