Amelia Richardson Dress - The Hopeful Family: Raising Resilient Children in Uncertain Times

Copyright 2021 by Amelia Richardson Dress

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

Unless otherwise noted, the Scripture quotations contained herein are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Morehouse Publishing, 19 East 34th Street, New York, NY 10016

Morehouse Publishing is an imprint of Church Publishing Incorporated. www.churchpublishing.org

Cover art and design by Gillian Whiting
Interior design and typesetting by Beth Oberholtzer

Names and details have been changed for privacy. Stories have sometimes been condensed for clarity.

Parts of this book were drawn from previous writing I did for Spiritual Parent, spiritualparent.org, or my personal blog, barefootfamily.me.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Richardson Dress, Amelia, author.

Title: The hopeful family : raising resilient children in uncertain times / Amelia Richardson Dress.

Identifiers: LCCN 2020035646 (print) | LCCN 2020035647 (ebook) | ISBN 9781640653849 (paperback) | ISBN 9781640653856 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Parenting--Religious aspects--Christianity. | Child rearing--Religious aspects--Christianity. | Christian education--Home training. | Christian education of children.

Classification: LCC BV4529 .R534 2021 (print) | LCC BV4529 (ebook) | DDC
248.8/45--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020035646

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020035647

For Isabel, who encouraged me when I needed it most.
You are wise beyond your years.

And for Abe, who celebrated every milestone.
Huzzah!

With gratitude:

In the past ten years, Ive been thrilled to discover that the writing world is full of encouragers. From Donna Rafanello, who went above and beyond to coach me through my very first article, to the editors and authors who reviewed and encouraged this book along the way, I am so grateful. Every time I try to list you all, I run out of space. But I know who you are and I am better for knowing you.

Wendy Claire Barrie, Ryan Masteller, and the entire team at CPI who took this book from manuscript to a thoughtfully laid-out book, thank you. I was consistently impressed with your care and touched by your encouragement. Wendy, your questions and prompts always helped me think deeply. It was a rich experience to work with you.

My colleagues at Garfield County Department of Human Services were among the first people to explore the connections between spirituality and resilience with me. Thank you, Donna, Dana, and Ericka. I wish every young mother had mentors like you.

My ideals of what church can be are forever tied to a memory of talking theology with the Ladies Guild in the basement of New Castle Congregational Church. Thank you for welcoming an earnest teenager into your midst. And for the churches Ive been part of since then, thank you for living up to the high bar that was set for you. I am especially grateful for the colleagues and parishioners who reminded me to make time for my writing. May each of you also pursue the things that bring you happiness.

Its not an exaggeration to say that I have the best friends, neighbors, and colleagues. I hope that shines through in the stories I shared here.

I count it as a blessing to have grown up with the guidance of parents like Katherine and Lynn Richardson, and alongside siblings Bernadette, Clifford, and Elizabeth. Im glad our sacred stories are intertwined. And for my two grandmas, Mildred Whitt and Anna Lamb, who taught me the ordinary joy of bedtime cocoa and afternoon card games, it should be written somewhere that I learned a lot about strength and character from each of you.

Last but far from least, to my husband Abe and daughter Isabel, who not only put up with me while I was writing this but did it with grace and cheer: thank you.

The primary goal of parenting, beyond keeping our children safe and loved, is to convey to them a sense that it is possible to be happy in an uncertain world, to give them hope.

GORDON LIVINGSTON , Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart

This book is written in a spirit of hopefulness. I believe we can live well amidst the uncertainties of life and that we can help our children do the same. That said, hope finds its true wings in the winds of doubt and so we could also say this book started in a place of searching.

For the past several years, Ive heard an increasing number of parents and grandparents wonder about the kind of world were leaving to our children. They arent generally melodramatic people, but its hard to pay attention to the news and not wonder about where were headed. I asked a parent the other day, How are you? to which they replied, Other than the existential angst, Im doing really well. Another parent was prompted into similar reflection after a science update about climate change. Sometimes I wonder if any of the stuff Ive spent my life doing is worth anything. I mean, Ive spent my whole career trying to make the world a better place for children and now issues like affordable childcare and educational equality seem futile in the long term, she said.

Sometimes its healing to hear our own fears voiced aloud. I also wondered how many others were feeling this pressure. In 2017, the American Psychological Association published a report examining the impact of climate change on mental health, concluding that the tolls on our mental health are far-reaching. They induce stress, depression, and anxiety; strain social and community relationships; and have been linked to increases in aggression, violence, and crime. Children and communities with few resources to deal with the impacts of climate change are those most impacted. Since then, the number of people self-reporting that they experience anxiety about the future of the planet has risen, and that number increases if we include people who have already been directly impacted by the effects of a changing climate. Increasingly severe weather patterns lead to more people experiencing hurricanes, heat waves, and blizzards, which create their own trauma.

And while climate change is posing an unprecedented threat, its only one of the challenges we parents find ourselves facing. Rapid technology changes mean we dont know what job skills our children will need. Artificial intelligence is either going to save us or destroy us. Safety at school (or the movie theater, or the mall) hasnt been assured since we were kids ourselves, if even then.

This book came out of the questions that are at the root of all of these fears: how do we raise our children in an uncertain world?

There is, of course, our deep desire to make the world a better place for them. I would definitely start there. But chances are, if you picked up this book youre already working that angle. The question that comes next is, How do we help our children find hope if we cant assure them that everything will be okay?

Its in solidarity with the deep worry of children and adults alike that I began to look more deeply at the spiritual practices woven throughout Christian history. You know what I mean, even if the phrase spiritual practices is new to you: prayer, generosity, gratitude, Sabbath. I wondered what wisdom they might hold for this time. Were they quaint but archaic practices? Meaningless navel-gazing? Or could they help us shape our lives in a way that would build our sense of hope?