Marc Gellman - Seven Days of SHIVA: Forty-six years of puppy love

The stories in this book reflect the authors recollection, perception, and interpretation of events. In several instances, names and identifying characteristics have been changed, to protect the privacy of those depicted. Dialogue has been recreated from memory.

Copyright 2021 MGLIFEWORKS LLC

Edited for MGLifeworks by Stacey Donovan
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Quote from The Eternal Eden on page 479

1998 Union for Reform Judaism

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ISBN: 978-1-7375223-0-0 (Hardback)

ISBN: 978-1-7375223-1-7 (Paperback)

ISBN: 978-1-7375223-2-4 (Ebook)

In loving memory

Barbara K. Gellman

September 12, 1951 August 2, 2011

A husbands gift: I will tell our story to the world; that every day we shared was special. I am thankful for the love that we have. A love that is not limited by a measurement of time and so, our love will continue on forever.

PROLOGUE

O ver the years, Ive talked about writing a book and have often heard people say that their lives have been either so outrageously interesting, crazy, or wild, that they could write a book. I always wanted to be able to say to those people, Well, I did!

My first idea for a book was based on my growing-up years, in the 1950s and early 60s, in the East New York section of Brooklyn. Back then, I witnessed the gradual changes in the neighborhood demographics and, as a young kid, the neighborhood chitchat I overheard was interesting to me. There was much gossip about the perceived unscrupulous lifestyle of the new residents moving in and the rumors about supposed muggings and break-ins by these new residents were in full force. Longtime residents were fearful of the effects of the change on schools, crime, and real estate values.

The goings-on left an impression on me. The dynamics of what seemed to be causing change, with people panicking to sell their homes, were confusing to me. In the late 1990s, I began to research and write a book about the 1950s/60s Brooklyn.

I didnt get very far with that book. I had a demanding job and a family. Writing a book, which I intended as a study project and a learning experience, was too demanding on my already busy schedule. Beyond my time constraints, my obsessive-compulsive disorder made writing a book impossible for me back then. Working with an editor might have made the project doable. But I couldnt work with anyone, since I needed to stress over every sentence and detail to make sure that my writing was accurate, and my grammar and punctuation were perfect.

So, the idea of my writing a book wasnt a new one thirteen years later, when my daughter, Kristen, urged me to write of stories about Barbara and me, after I lost Barbara in August 2011. I figured that a book of stories would be an easy project and not too time-consuming. After I lost Barbara, I developed DGASD (Dont Give a Shit Disorder), which toned down my OCD. Also, I had more time to devote to writing a book. And there would be no studying or learning, just writing the facts. It seemed simple, quick, and doable. And through the stories, my grandchildren could get to know their grandmother.

With the subject of the book set to be stories for my family, I started to write the first chapter. As my grief-laden emotions took over, it quickly became obvious to me that writing this book wasnt going to be easy at all. The first chapter became an introduction and I skipped ahead to write the end of the book. I decided that I could write more effectively about what I was going through at the time, having just lost my wife. It felt easier to describe my then-current state of mind, and my emotions and challenges at living alone for the first time and sleeping alone after forty years.

I dropped my preconceived ideas of what the book was to be. From that point on, my emotions guided my writing. My focus became the anguish I was experiencing, facing life without Barbara, which brought to mind the many memories of our lives together. What started out to be a simple book of stories for my family became a work of creative nonfiction.

When I started to tell people I was writing a book, it seemed to me that some of them thought I was delusional. They attempted to offer encouragement but sounded doubtful, like, Oh, yeah sure. Thats nice. I wasnt at all discouraged. I knew Barbara would have had confidence in me. And I was reminded of my son Jonathan once saying to me, Dad, youre the only one I know who could take two sentences and make an incredible ten-minute speech out of them. I started off with three thoughts, which were so powerful and took me much further than a ten-minute speech.