O.N. Ward - Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned

I am writing this book to protect you. Twenty years ago, I married my soul matea kind, charming, smart classmate from a top MBA program. But it was all a lie. He was a brilliantly camouflaged sociopatha master manipulator disguised as caring, honest, and ethical so he could exploit with impunity. The experience of being deceived and nefariously influenced for almost two decades by this puppeteer was psychologically toxic, emotionally numbing, and financially devastating. Like a tsunami, the destructive force my husband unleashed upon me was life-altering and, very nearly, life-destroying.

SociopathsThe Tsunamis Of Our Lives

Prior to the devastating 2004 Christmas tsunami in the Indian Ocean, few of us understood that the rapid retreat of water from the shoreline signals approaching disaster. Yet, this odd behavior of the ocean may be the only warning those in the most dangerthose on the waters edgeget. If you understand this sign and run to higher ground, you will probably live to see the next dawn. If, however, you do not recognize this innocuous indicator for what it is and linger at the shoreline wondering, Wow, how odd, your demise is all but guaranteed. Fortunately, as a result of the newscasts following that deadly 2004 disaster, more of us recognize this peculiar behavior of the sea for what it isa harbinger of doom. No matter how beautiful the day, how blue the sky, how pristine the beach, or how much money you have invested in your vacation, the moment you observe the water receding suddenly from the beach, the only thing you should do is to run.

Whats true of tsunamis is also true of sociopaths. Just as we are drawn to the sparkling ocean and soft sand under an azure sky, sociopaths pull us toward them with promises of love and fulfillment. They are accomplished actors, often masquerading as Prince Charming to our Cinderella, Romeo to our Juliet, Tony to our West Side Story s Maria. So certain he loves you and offers a bright future together, you fall deeply in love with him, marry him, and have children with him. Over time, however, his manipulation is so masterful, and the control he gains is so profound, that, drop-by-drop, your soul, self-confidence, and strength are sapped. Then, even when you see a deadly wall of water racing toward you, you may be too depleted to run. Behavior that suggests your new romantic interest may be a sociopath is subtle but evident if you know what to look for. And if you fail to heed the signs, the consequences of your ignorance or inaction can be catastrophic.

Many helpful books, websites, articles, and checklists about sociopaths exist. I found these resources immensely helpful as I looked back on my situation. Yet, it took me almost twenty years to realize that the man I married was, and is, a sociopath. How could I have known to consider this possibility and correctly label what was happening to me sooner? How could I have known that my Prince Charming was a fake designed specifically to lure and exploit me? Understanding the following five facts would have made a huge difference:

1. Sociopaths are common and, therefore, present much more of a threat to everyday people than most of us realize.

2. These wolves in sheeps clothing are so good at what they do that they can fool anyone , even for a long period of time.

3. Signs that someone might be a sociopath are subtle at first and even for years.

4. Sociopaths have specific verbal and other tools that they use to manipulate and obfuscate. Most of us do not know what these tools are. We need to change that. This book will help.

5. Nonsociopaths have characteristics that enable sociopaths to deceive and manipulate us. By learning what these characteristics are, you can become more aware of occasions when your own humanity is being used against you and then take the steps necessary to protect yourself.

Who Are These People?

As psychologists and sociopath experts Dr. Martha Stout, Dr. Robert Hare, and Dr. George Simon have documented in their must-read books The Sociopath Next Door , Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of Psychopaths Among Us , and Character Disturbance: The Phenomenon of Our Age, sociopaths are skilled at faking it, even for long periods of time, and appearing as not just nice guys but great guys. Two carefully veiled characteristics, however, are the deep, hidden well from which the rest of a sociopaths behavior springs:

1. Sociopaths have no empathy. They simply do not feel any positive emotional connection with other human beings, not even their own children. Unable to care for other people, they care about only three things:

Power as a means to their second and third goals,

Prevailing the rush of winning and dominating,