Mary Ellen Danuser - Freedom to Choose: Is Skin Color Really an Issue?

FREEDOM TO CHOOSE

IS SKIN COLOR REALLY AN ISSUE?

MARY ELLEN DANUSER

Copyright 2014 by Mary Ellen Danuser.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014916667

ISBN: Hardcover 978-1-4990-7451-2

Softcover 978-1-4990-7453-6

eBook 978-1-4990-7452-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Rev. date: 09/23/2014

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CONTENTS

First, I give thanks to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for giving me the determination, wisdom, and knowledge in writing a book that I feel should inspire the world and bring about healing to all persons regardless of race, culture, or ethnicity.

To my wonderful and loving husband, John. Thank you for your patience, input, and financial support.

Thanks to my beautiful daughter, Marko, for introducing me to the various interracial pages that gave me ideas as to how I should proceed with writing this book. With this knowledge, I have been able to personally interview couples of different races, cultures, and ethnicity who have shared their real life stories.

Thanks to Pastor Robert (who is an author himself) for allowing me the opportunity to meet with him to pick his brain for writing tips.

I would like to thank all those who contributed their stories to this effort. Because some of you want to remain anonymous for your own reasons, I respect your privacy. I want you to know how deeply grateful I am to you for your willingness to share your stories with me.

I am very partial to interracial/ethnic love as it mirrors our relationship. Let me be clear; this book is not about just black-and-white relationships, but multicultural relationships. When it comes to interracial relationships, it goes beyond black and white.

There may be some folks who find this book to be offensive. This book is not meant to offend anyone, but to enlighten society as to the reasons that individuals choose to become involved with someone outside their race or culture and the beauty that can be found within these relationships.

I will share with you experiences within relationshipshow couples were treated by family, friends, and outsiders who did not approve of their relationships. I would like to emphasize that each chapter has been compiled using the words or thoughts that each couple shared with me, and in no way are these words altered. Also, the names in the couples chapters are fictitious.

My spouse, John, and I believe that it is not the color of ones skin but the person within (he coined that phrase!) There is beauty within interracial relationships, and it is ones choice whom they choose as their mate. We should not let society dictate as to whom we choose to spend our lives with. This is just my personal opinion on the subject of interracial relationships.

The definition of color-blind : Showing or characterized by freedom from racial bias.

• The only people who cannot see their mates color are people who are blind. Even a blind person can ask their mate what color they are.
• Love can be color blind. I do not feel that there is anything wrong with seeing your mates color. True love looks beyond the color and into his/her heart. This is the way God meant for it to be.
• There are so many positive and beautiful aspects of a persons color and ethnicity. There is nothing wrong with seeing the external appearance and discovering that unique attraction.
• A color-blind society is an unrealistic notion that someone came up with as a way to solve racism where we all just pretend that we cant see color even though it is impossible not to. I hear many people refer to dating outside their race as color-blind love. Are these people saying that I do not see your color, but I know you do not look like me but I still love you? That is an oxymoron because one does see a persons skin pigmentation. To choose someone to love outside your race is a choice and not based on skin complexion (whether light-skinned or dark-skinned).
• If we are to stop racism, then we should fight to change society so that we do not associate negative stereotypes to a person after we see a persons skin. Seeing a persons skin color is natural. Associating negative stereotypes to that color is the problem.

I have interviewed interracial married couples, unmarried couples, couples with children, and couples without children to share their life experiences on interracial relationships by age, race, geographical locations, ethnicity, and occupation.

As you read this book, you will find that people are together because they truly care about each other and not because of any insecurities or injustices done to them. Some people will argue that the black man is with the white woman to prove a point to the white man and the black woman. Perhaps that could be true, but hopefully, the black man chooses someone outside his race because he truly loves that woman and is attracted to her. In addition, hopefully, the same is true of the white woman.

What about the black woman venturing outside her race? Is she to be considered a traitor or sellout to her race? I have heard this said over and over: Why has she ventured outside of her race? In my opinion, it is definitely not because I hate the black man! I love my black men, but sometimes in life, there comes a time when that special someone walks into your life and you just have to look beyond what color he is. That is my take! There were times that were harder for me, and then there were times that I just did not care what people thought. All I knew was that I was with the man that I loved, and he loved and respected me as his wife, friend, confidante, companionnot just his plaything.

Some people think that a white man is with a black woman for just sex. I interviewed and explored the reasons a person desires to be in an interracial relationship. There will be unbelievable stories from couples about what they have experienced as they walk their path of life together.

Interracial relationships are different from other same race relationships. The issues are different because of the cultural differences in each race and how these people are stereotyped by society. However, there will be the same conflicts and differences of opinions and personalities that you find in a same race relationship.

My spouse and I deal with the cultural differences often. But at the end of the day, we talk out our differences, and we do not choose to pretend that our differences do not exist. In handling our cultural differences, we have attended a Christian marriage conference several times in our marriage to stay in Gods word and commit ourselves to ONENESS, Gods way.

John and I have been exposed to hateful disapproving looks/stares from both black people and white people, but the stares/looks are not limited to just blacks and whites. Some of the stares could be construed as curiosity stares, but they were stares. In several situations, we have been ignored when we show up at certain events, which I will share with you later.

Yes, we have experienced many animosities; but at the end of the day, we remain determined to stay together no matter what society thinks. The black woman/white man relationship has been a challenge for society to acceptits common to see a black man/white woman relationship because this relationship blend has been going on for years. Throughout my interviews with couples, Ive discovered that the non-white man and white woman still today receive the stares and disapproving looks.