Mike Bechtle - Confident Conversation: How to Communicate Successfully in Any Situation

confident
conversation

confident

conversation

how to communicate
successfully
in any situation

MIKE BECHTLE

2008 by Mike Bechtle

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

E-book edition created 2011

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

ISBN 978-1-4412-1283-2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Scripture is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Published in association with the literary agency of Alive
Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200,
Colorado Springs, CO 80920.

To Sara
What a privilege that you have honored me
with years of conversation
the greatest gift a daughter could give a father

Contents

I used to think that writing a book was hardest on the author. After all, hes the one who spends hours in relative seclusion, picking through words and ideas to form coherent sentences. Hes the one who sees the impending deadlines and struggles to get things submitted on time. Lawns get shaggy, cars stay unwaxed, and life priorities get moved to the back burner. In other words, I dont get to do all of the fun stuff until the book is finished.

But this time around, I realized that others pay a greater price than I do. My wife, Diane, watched me disappear both physically and emotionally for a while but remained my greatest champion. No matter how good I get as a writer, I will never be able to choose the right combination of words to fully express my love and gratitude. What an amazing gift she is.

My daughter, Sara, was gracious enough to schedule the birth of her second daughter, Elena, two weeks after my deadline. Times with her and her family are among the things I cherish most. Those have been lacking the past few months, and they are among the first things I plan to reinstate. I treasure my time with them.

My respect and love for my son, Tim, grows exponentially over time. Our schedules and distance always make connecting a challenge, but those times are precious. Weve been postponing our trip to Roscoes Chicken and Waffles until the book was finished. Its done now, so its time to head to Long Beach for lunch.

Beth Jusino is the kind of agent who can spoil you. Her input, friendship, and guidance have made the past two books a joyous process, and Alive Communications is a better agency because they brought her on board.

Beths greatest gift to me was offering this book to Vicki Crumpton of Revell. When I found out I would be working with her again, the entire process took on an air of celebration. Seeing her editing skills is like watching Rembrandt paint. She knows how to take my verbal sketches and turn them into a work of art, while still keeping my voice in the writing. Its a privilege to partner with her again.

Everything Ive learned about conversation has come because God converses with his people. This book is a grateful expression of his communication in my life.

1
ConversationOne Size
Doesnt Fit All

Everyone wants to communicate more effectively. Thats why you picked up this book. But lasting success wont come from following a set of tips and techniques. Our conversational skills improve when we adapt those techniques to our own unique personality.

I teach seminars for a living. Every day I deal with executives, managers, and line workers in companies ranging from mom-and-pop operations to Fortune 500 companies. Ive discovered that no matter what a persons role, education, or income is, they all fit in one of two broad categories:

Those who have trouble talking

Those who have trouble listening

In both cases, effective conversation happens when individuals communicate through their own unique strengths and temperament.

When Im leading a seminar, Ive found that about 20 percent of the group members participate aloud. Others will share in a small group but not with the entire class. Still others prefer to sit quietly and take notes.

In school, verbal participation is usually encouraged. In fact, many college courses assign a percentage of the semester grade based on class participation. Thats always painful for the quieter class members who learn better by listening but is a reward for those who are naturally more outgoing. I remember forcing myself to ask one question aloud each class period so I could be seen as an active participant. But it didnt make me any smarter. In fact, it hindered my learning because it didnt allow for my unique learning style.

Conversation and Life

Conversation is one of the basic tools for twenty-first-century living. Almost everything we do depends on it. We cant buy a car, negotiate a business deal, or strengthen a relationship without conversation. When its done effectively, we get satisfying results. When its done ineffectively, we feel unsatisfied with the outcomes.

But conversation is one thing we dont spend a lot of time trying to improve. Well pay someone to help us improve our golf swing, learn photography, or develop our computer skills. But when it comes to making conversation, we dont make a conscious effort to develop a skill that can have a huge impact on how well we live each day.

You might feel that when it comes to conversational skills, youre dealt the hand you were given. Its your personality, so youre stuck with it. Maybe youve read a book or article to try to improve but found tips for talking that just seemed too foreign to your temperament. Discouraged, you resigned yourself to making the best of a bad situation.

But the problem isnt having the wrong personality. The problem comes when we try to change who we are to become something were not. Compensating for perceived weaknesses wont lead to a sense of fulfillment in conversations. Instead, we need to embrace the personality we have and explore ways to capitalize on it. Taking golf lessons doesnt change your body type, but it teaches you to get the most out of the body you have. Why not spend time studying your personality and learning to get the most out of it? The benefits will take you a lot farther than simply improving your putting skills.