Cynthia MacGregor - The I Love You Book: More Than 500 Ways to Show the Ones You Love That You Care

Copyright 2002 by Cynthia MacGregor and Vic Bobb

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations in critical articles or reviews. For information, contact: Conari Press, 2550 Ninth Street, Suite 101, Berkeley, CA 94710-2551.

Conari Press books are distributed by Publishers Group West.

Cover Illustration: Rae Ecklund

Book Design: Lisa Buckley

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

MacGregor, Cynthia.

The I love you book : more than 500 ways to show the ones you love that you care / Cynthia MacGregor and Vic Bobb.

p. cm.

ISBN 1-57324-812-6

1. LoveMiscellanea. I. Bobb, Vic. II. Title.

BF575.L8 M33 2002

152.4'1dc21

2001005359

ISBN: 1-57324-812-6

Printed in Canada.

01 02 03 TC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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FROM VIC:

For my family, who taught me that love is a lot more than just words.

FROM CYNTHIA:

To the family and special friends I love, especially Yvonne, Laurel, Darla, Joe, and Norm. You are all in my heart. I am glad you are all in my life.

Howand how oftendo you say, I love you?

Whether you're thinking of your spouse or partner, your mom or dad, or your son or daughter, you probably don't get that message across often enough.

How do you say, I love you? The family of one of this book's authors says 1-4-3 for I love you. There is one letter in I, four in love, and three in you. By phrasing their I love yous in a cute and different way, this family gives the statement personalization and meaning.

But there are other ways of saying I love you besides verbally. The old song advises, Say It with Music. The floral industry tells us to say it with flowers. Good advice.

Another piece of good advice is the old proverb, Actions speak louder than words. What you do for the ones you love may be the best way to say, I love you. Not that doing meaningful things for those you love should be taken as license to stop saying I love you. We all want to hear the words, too. But once you start saying I love you through the things you do, the possibilities become endlessand your loved ones get to feel your love through your fun or thoughtful or creative efforts. How do you say, I love you? We've got more than 500 ways for you to express your love that are more concrete, more tangible than simple words. We've given you some general ideas to start with. Knowing the person you want to convey the message to, you can probably think of still more ways.

To avoid awkward he-or-she constructions, throughout the book we've said, Give her a... or Take him to... , but the pronouns are in most cases strictly arbitrary. Feel free to read, Give him a... or Take her to.... Few of the suggestions are truly gender-specific; most can be applied equally well to your son as to your daughter, to your mom as well as your dad, and as easily from you to your spouse or lover as from him or her to you.

So what are you waiting for? You've got a message to deliver! Whether you say it with music, with flowers, with 1-4-3 notes for your beloved, or with one of the more than 500 suggestions in this book, it's a message that will make the person you love very happy. And chances are, he or she will have something to say to you in returnverbally or otherwise.

I love you.... What a lovely message to deliver... however you say it.

The words I love you usually come most easily to people when they're in a romantic situation, especially when love is still new. But some people have trouble saying the words even then, and others have trouble believing them.

One of us knows a woman who said, I love you, so automatically at the end of phone conversations with her husband that one day she slipped and said it to a stranger she was ready to hang up with. While we applaud the fact that she never finished a phone conversation with her husband without an I love you, obviously the warm closing had become rote, routine, automatic. It had ceased to have meaning. We don't applaud that.

The person you share your life withspouse or significant othermay be starving to hear you say, I love you, or she may hear it so often than she questions whether you mean it anymore or just say it from force of habit. Once it ceases to be meaningful, it no longer conveys the same warm feelings, the same sense of being cherished, the same weight as it did before.

Too, even if you say it with meaning, if your actions (or lack of them) contradict your words, the phrase will ring hollow.

• He says he loves me, but when's the last time he actually spent an evening with me? All he does is watch TV/work on the stuff he brings home from the office/work on his silly model planes. Is that you?
• She used to act as if I were the most important person in the world. Now she's so busy helping the kids with homework/talking to the other members of her committee on the phone all evening/writing reports that she didn't have time for at work, I have to make an appointment to have a conversation! Is that you?
• If he does have time to talk to me, I can tell his mind is somewhere else.
• If she does take time to talk, she's so tired, it's not much of a conversation.

Sometimes we can't help the distractions of real life that interfere with our time with the ones we really care about. Of course, we need to make time to be with those we love... and not just time but (pardon an overworked expression) quality time. That's the subject of another book, though. But we can do the little things that show the ones we love that we care about them.

Most women don't need a tennis bracelet or a diamond ring as proof of lovea single rose when it isn't her birthday (and when the rose isn't a guilt offering) will go far toward showing her you were thinking about her, you care, you really do love her. (Although we're about to offer you some suggestions that are far less timeworn than roses.)

And men appreciate little proofs of affection too. It can be something as simple as a new bag of golf balls, a luxurious massage from your loving hands on a night when he's extra-tired, or a love note left on his pillow, detailing someor even just oneof the reasons you love him.

Whether you're a new couple, looking to make each other understand that love is in your hearts, or whether you've been together for several decades and you want to convey that the love that first brought you together is still verdant in your heart of hearts, you need to get the message across, you need to do it believably, and you need to do it even when it isn't an anniversary or other occasion.

Here are some ideas:

I f you have a big budget, rent a nearby billboard and use it to proclaim your love for your beloved in large letters. You can write a clever message or a simple Craig loves Emily... THIS MUCH!

Write him a love letterwhen it's not a birthday or anniversary.

G et up 10 minutes early and start the coffee.

T ake a cue from David Letterman and present your loved one with a list: Top Ten Reasons Why I Love You. (If you think of more than ten good reasons, throw them in and call them Bonus Reasons.)

W ith a kettle half-full of warm water, give her a nice footbath while she's watching TV. Leave her feet wrapped in a fluffy, woolly towel while you go get her a bowl of ice cream.