Sarah Christensen Fu - Bad Birthdays: The Truth Behind Your Crappy Sun Sign

My personal relationship with horoscopes and astrology has gone through many stages. As a teenager and college student, I found the study fascinating and oh-so-relevant. I loved learning which tendencies the different signs had, and how the movement of the planets impacted on peoples moods and behavior. I studied compatibility reports tirelessly and considered how I would map out my sexual and romantic pursuits.

I had, however, one major problem with astrology. I hated my sign. I was born a freaking Virgoarguably the most boring, unsexy, lame sign in the entire zodiac.

But Im not boring, I argued to myself. Im a fascinating, creative, unique person. So I did some more research. I looked at my Moon sign and my rising planets, and by analyzing the exact time and place of my birth I was able to build up some more detail. My new, more complex horoscope still basically said I was just incredibly boring except it didnt come right out and say that. My chart used euphemisms such as, reliable, and dependable, and doesnt like change, and total control freak. Whatever! I could go with the flow like nobodys business. Couldnt I?

I took a break from astrology for a while. I spent the latter part of my twenties never even using, Whats your sign? as a pick-up line, let alone as a genuine conversation topic. I carried on with my life, moved to New York City, went to graduate school, had relationshipslots of relationships. The one metaphysical allowance I made to myself was to attend the annual Psychic Fair in Denver, Colorado, near my parents home. Now lets fast-forward to a Fair I went to a few years ago, just before my wedding. So Im sitting in the large, open hall with one of the hundreds of psychics and spiritual guides in attendance. Her booth is a card table covered with a lovely, ornate patchwork cloth and a sign on a tripod. A little stack of business cards offering a ten per cent discount sits on the corner of the table. I begin describing my upcoming nuptials, and feel my blood pressure rising. In fact, I feel myself beginning to freak out, and before I know it, Im walking with the ghosts of boyfriends past, digging through all the past relationships that hurt me.

I blow my nose. (Yes, thats right, I was crying for some reason at this point I always get emotional at the Psychic FairI think thats a me thing, not a Virgo thing.) I go on to explain how my first love, my high school boyfriend, had cheated on me and left me and I was scared that my husband-to-be would do so as well. The psychic crinkles her wise eyes and says, Oh dear. What sign was he? I told her that the ex was a Pisces, and that my fianc is a Leo. She frowned. Oh dear. Well, you may have issues with the Leo in other areas, but he wont cheat. Theyre very loyal But of course the Pisces cheated on you. He felt like you didnt and couldnt really love him. And you probably really went outside your comfort zone with him, too, to try to make sure he didnt cheat on you. I blink a few times. Shed nailed it. She hands me a tissue and I blow my noseloudly. She holds up the trashcan and I toss in the wad. She clicks her tongue, I could have told you that a Virgo-Pisces match would end in infidelity and saved you that pain.

I remember it vividly. At that moment, I wanted to stand up and scream. Why didnt anyone tell me, then, if its such common frikkin knowledge? Why wasnt there a book that told people the truth about their signs and their compatibility? After leaving the Psychic Fair I went back home and launched an investigation, just to make sure that I hadnt overlooked something that stated the outright truth about my compatibility (or lack of it) with my ex, and really could have saved me the trouble of wasting time with him. Everywhere I looked I saw that a Virgo-Pisces match was mostly healthy, though everything was so vague! There were broad, sweeping statements like, Piscess unreliability may disturb Virgo. Um, yes! For some reason it disturbed me greatly when he was unreliable and slept with other people.

I read and thought more. I brought out old resources that I used to read and checked into other aspects of my zodiac chart. I looked at family relationships, career choices, money. I looked at how I would be as a parent, how I would relate to my friends. And everything I read was double-talk. Virgos born on this day care more about their passion for their job than their money. That basically means that I shouldnt expect to get rich. Virgos born on this day may find that they have different opinions on child-rearing than those of their friends. This one basically means that I would grow up to be a judgmental mommy, right? Well, when the normal wishy-washy zodiac descriptions are boiled down to their essentials, all thats remaining is what stinks what chip you were born with on your shoulder which cross you were born to bear. Knowing the good stuff is the icing on your cake; knowing the bad stuff can save both your life and your relationships.

I decided, as I browsed, that all these euphemistic phrasespeppered liberally through the regular zodiac horoscopesare basically ridiculous. The astrologers who study the skies and delve into natures impact on human behavior are very astutebut theyre too scared to say what they actually mean. They think that, if theyre general and vague, they will be able to cast a wide enough net to encompass all of the possible relationship outcomes that may play out between two signs.

This is not that book. This book is about the worst possible scenarios. This book will tell you outright if your doomed relationship will end in infidelityand if its wrong, and your partner doesnt stray then, hey, you got lucky and ended up with a spouse whose personality defies their zodiac sign. If the astrological descriptions in this book dont apply to you, thats a good thing because this book is filled with the most despicable, disgusting, and aggravating aspects of your star sign.

Through the course of my study, and in writing this book, I have actually come to terms with my Virgoness. My vexatious Virgonity. Now that Im married and have kids (a Leo and twin Scorpios, Lord help me), I realize that being reliable and a total control freak suit me just fine. Im even fine without amassing a large amount of wealth because I have a job that I love (although, if you want to send in donations, just contact my publisher).

The truth is that each sign has its own terrible qualities and its own fatal flaws. Take a look, read ahead and find out the truth about whether or not your zodiac sign brings out the worst in you.

ARIES generally use force to get their way instead of the itty-bitty bits of brain they have in their head.

TAURUS dislikes change so much that he or she is completely unwilling to listen to a significant other.

GEMINIS are shallow, gossipy, sarcastic, and think that theyre better than everyone else.

CANCER comes across as weak. No matter how often they leave the house, deep down theyd much rather be in sweatpants in front of the television.

LEOS are egomaniacs and so non-analytical about their lives that they end up ruining their careersand personal opportunities for growthwithout even realizing it.

VIRGO is such a control freak that all the pleasures of life can fall by the wayside when they are trying to shape their world to meet their very specific needs.

LIBRA is incredibly vain, so much so that trying to have intellectual or deep conversations with them rapidly becomes pointless because they can see only their own point of view.

SCORPIO is basically just mean-spirited. Scorpions are vengeful and if you disobey their wishes, they will find some way to make you regret it.

SAGITTARIANS are foolish, putting their own short-term happiness above anything else.