Maria Shriver - Ten Things I Wish Id Known: Before I Went Out into the Real World

Copyright 2000 by Maria Shriver

TEN THINGS I WISH ID KNOWN is a trademark of Maria Shriver and may not be used without the prior written permission of Maria Shriver.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Warner Books, Inc.

Hachette Book Group

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Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com.

First eBook Edition: June 2000

ISBN: 978-0-446-93100-7

Dedication

T o my four beloved children Katherine, Christina, Patrick, and Christopher. I thank you for the love, the laughter, and the fun youve brought into my life. I never knew how unconditional and deep love could really be.

To my four beloved children Katherine, Christina, Patrick, and Christopher. I thank you for the love, the laughter, and the fun youve brought into my life. I never knew how unconditional and deep love could really be.

To my wonderfully unique husband, Arnold. I thank you for the most fascinating adventure a gal could ever sign on for. If Id known what a workout it was going to be, I would have gotten in better shape way back when. I love you, and thank you for helping me be all that I can be.

To my four glorious brothers, Bobby, Timmy, Mark, and Anthony. I cant believe Im actually thanking you for tackling me, teasing me, and generally getting me ready for the real world. I wish every girl had the benefit of your training.

And to my extraordinary parents, Eunice and Sargent Shriver. There hasnt been a day in my life when I havent felt your love, when I havent heard your voices urging me forward, building me up, counseling me, and guiding me in the right direction. It would not be possible to have been loved more than I have been loved by you both, and there are no greater heroes in my life than the two of you.

xxxoo

Maria

I could not have done this book without the wisdom, brilliance, guidance, support, and love of my mentor and dear friend, Roberta Hollander. She spent countless hours helping me in every way imaginable. She jogged my memory, tightened and polished my work, helped me put it all in context, and pushed me forward when I doubted myself and my thoughts. She has been my guiding light since I met her, and I am grateful beyond words to her for always, always, always stopping and being there for me.

I am also indebted to my other pals, all of whom played an invaluable part in the final outcome of this book. To my dear friend Oprah Winfreythe first one who suggested that my speech would make a great book; to Julia Paige for all her encouragementtelling me on a daily basis that indeed I had to write this book; to Nadine Schiff, Wanda McDaniel, Michael Rourke, and Sandy Gleysteen, all of who read this book in its roughest form and offered me encouragement and constructive criticism; to Teri Hess, who went through it with a fine-tooth comb; to Jan Miller, the most dedicated and fearless of agents, and to her assistant, Shannon Miser-Marvin, who works on my behalf behind the scenes; to my sisters-in-law Linda, Alina, and Jeanne; my niece and nephews Rosie, Timbo, and Teddy. Thank you all for taking the time to help me with the cover, the printthe lookyou were all so supportive and helpful; to Rick Horgan, who pursued this book before it was a book and waited patiently for me while I hemmed and hawed about whether to write ithis patience was worth a gold medal; and finally to all my new friends at Warner Books: Jackie Meyer, Emi Battaglia, Eric Wechter, Ralph Fowler, Tom Whatley, Ann Schwartz, Martha Otis, and Chris Barba. I thank you for your support, your belief in me, and for all the money that youve promised to spend on this great little book of mine.

I never meant to write this book. It grew from a speech I never wanted to give. I created both out of guilt, and now Im thrilled I did. Let me explain.

Two years ago, College of the Holy Cross in Worcester, Massachusetts, invited me to give their commencement address. I hate to give speecheshate it because I fear it. No matter how many speeches I give, it never gets any easier. I stress out for months in advance. What should I write? Why would anyone want to hear what I have to say? What do I have to say anyway? And I imagine every kind of disaster happening. What if I tell a joke and no one laughs? What if a good stiff wind comes, makes my hair stand on end, and blows my speech away? And more to the point: What if I sound like a damn idiot? What if I throw up? (I know, I know. If Im so scared, how can I stand fearlessly in front of a television camera and blabber live to millions? Its because I cant see any of them.)

These obsessive thoughts and fears fry in my brain for weeks before I actually have to give the speech. My nerves are stretched thin. Im jumpy and cranky and scared. Everyone in my life asks, If you hate it so much, why on earth did you agree to speak in the first place?

Well, in this case, as usual, I didnt agree right off the bat. When Holy Cross called, I wanted to thank them very much and politely say no. But there was a little problem. You see, one of my four brothers went to Holy Cross. His wife went to Holy Cross. My mother and my father both received honorary degrees from Holy Cross. And if that werent enough, so did my uncle when he was president of the United States.

The head of the college made all of those points in the letter he wrote me. He listed them in the manner of an experienced Catholic priest used to getting his way, playing my guilt like a piccolo. His letter was plan A. But there was also a plan Basking members of my family to make sure I knew how deeply important it was for me to give this speech. My brother called to lean on me. Yikes. Then my mother weighed in. I hemmed, I hawed. And like any good coward, I stalled for months.

So, Holy Cross went to plan C. They wrote me a note saying, in effect, that since they hadnt heard from me, they were moving on. The administration was disappointed, the faculty was disappointed, and of course, the students would be terribly disappointed. But clearly I was unable to commit, so they had to find someone else for whom this would be a great honor. I called my mother, I called my brother. Everyone said it was okay if I was scared to do itbut, boy, were they disappointed too.

It worked. It all worked. As the various plans unfolded, the guilt grew inside me, the pressure building upuntil my resolve cracked wide open. Youre RIGHT, all of you! Ive been a horrible, worthless, spineless human being for saying no! And before I knew it, I was begging Holy Cross to please let me give the commencement address.

As soon as they said yes, I was sick to my stomach and back to prespeech hyperstress mode. Maybe I could still get out of it. I could get NBC to send me to the war in Yugoslavia on the same day. I could say one of my kids got sick. Or: Terribly sorry. Gotta go interview the Pope. Surely a Catholic college would give me a dispensation for that one.

Unfortunately, no scenario I imagined eased the guilt I knew Id feel if I didnt show up. And to tell the truth, I was getting whiplash from going back and forth. So finally I stopped resisting and got into action. Id learned through long years of confronting fear that the only way to deal with it was to bulldoze my way through it. I started thinking.