Eva-Maria Zurhorst - Love Yourself And It Doesnt Matter Who You Marry

Eva-Maria Zurhorst, 2004, 2006

The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or otherwise be copied for public or private use, other than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews, without prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual wellbeing. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Previously published as Liebe dich selbst und es ist egal, wer du heiratest by Wilhelm
Goldmann Verlag, Mnchen, 2004, ISBN 3-442-33722-4
Translated by: Annette Charpentier

ISBN 978-1-4019-1527-8 in print
ISBN 978-1-84850-729-6 in epub format
ISBN 978-1-84850-728-9 in Mobipocket format

CONTENTS

I didnt love her because we were well suited. I just loved her.

Robert Redford as Tom Booker in The Horse Whisperer

I know that it can work out. I know that your relationship can be just what you want it to be. Why? Because fate has placed this book in your hands. Maybe it was a present from a well-meaning friend. Maybe somebody said to you, Look, if you want to save your relationship, why dont you at least read a book about it? Maybe your partner threw it at you, shouting, Why dont you do something about our relationship, then? Maybe it simply turned up in front of you in a bookshop, on a coffee-table or a bedside unit and said, Read me. Maybe youve been searching for answers for a long time, looking for a new angle, a fundamental change in your relationship But however youve come to be reading these lines right now, you can be absolutely sure that, consciously or unconsciously, you really want to make your relationship better or to finally find a meaningful one. You can also be sure that your heart and soul will be committed to this aim, even though your mind may be saying something different.

Where are you now? Have you given up all hope of your relationship ever being deeper and more fulfilling? Have you despaired of ever working things out with your partner? Are you having one affair after the other? Is your partner? Has your sex life lost its sparkle? Is arguing all you ever do? Does your life seem empty or is it just ticking over while you and your partner make small talk?

Maybe you cant forgive each other and are trapped in resentment. Maybe you are waging guerrilla warfare about the toothpaste tube being left open or crumbs being on the table. Maybe things are escalating and its scaring you. Maybe you have already read dozens of books and been to couple counselling and can still see no solution to your relationship problems.

Dont despair things can still work out! You and your partner can find the way to each others heart again or discover it for the first time. I know that its possible, even though it might sound like a miracle. When you experience it, it certainly feels like one! And it is within your power. You can have the relationship you want with the partner you have right now no matter how distant, unattractive or downright disgusting they might seem to you now. I know that it can work out because I have experienced it myself.

I may seem like a specialist in relationships because I have studied the subject for years, have read a lot about it and have learned a lot from wonderfully competent teachers. I have also worked with many people on healing their relationships. That is all very important, but the truth is that I know that things can work out because I am still married to my husband and am deeply grateful for it.

In the beginning we certainly didnt look a dream match. There were years when nobody would have put money on our marriage lasting. Today I believe that forced me to search for the true power in a working relationship. Today I am convinced that life brought us together and threw so many obstacles in our way because our real task was to tackle them, learn self-belief and experience the healing it triggered. Without those challenges we would never have discovered how much love, patience, strength and courage were locked in our hearts. We would never have discovered that two people can overcome seemingly insurmountable difficulties together. And I personally could not have come to accept myself. I couldnt have written this book.

I know that it can work out! is the true basis of my work and of the power within this book.

It is for my daughter and my husband, with deepest gratitude.

Eva-Maria Zurhorst
Wuppertal, June 2003

Liebe Dich selbst in English?! What you as a reader will take for granted is very special for me. After this book became a huge overnight success in my native country, just by word of mouth, and was hailed as the ultimate book on relationships, it was translated into many different languages. But English I got goose-pimples when I read my own words in English for the first time! I also felt deeply grateful.

Over the course of my life English has become the mother tongue of my soul. It started off as a pure coincidence the first book that gave me a glimpse of my inner world was written in English. A friend of mine gave it to me, but I did not want to read it. For one thing, I found it too difficult. Apart from that, I thought it was probably irrelevant psychobabble. But the book kept lying around and often seemed to say, Hello! Read me! Eventually my resistance lessened and I actually started reading it.

Not knowing the English language very well, I understood very little rationally. But in a strange way the books message went straight in at a deeper level. While I was reading it, something opened up in my heart; it made me see the world through totally different eyes. All of a sudden I realized why I was the way I was. All of a sudden I could feel that there was so much more inside me than my eyes could see and my mind could grasp. Later on, I experienced many more such coincidences: people, books, tapes and CDs found their way to me via complicated routes. All of them were in English. All of them had a healing effect on my emotional life. All of them gave me consistent guidance, until one day I realized that the word soul was much more familiar to me than Seele in my mother tongue. Sometimes it was like living in a parallel world that I was not able to share easily with others. Ultimately, I felt an ever-stronger need to communicate in my own words everything I had learned in this other language. While I was writing this book I sometimes hoped I would be able to give something back to the English-speaking world which had for so long been a teacher of my soul. I am infinitely grateful to have received this opportunity now.

My thanks go to Michelle Pilley, publisher at Hay House, who shared my belief in this project from our first meeting and who to this day is promoting it in a very personal and warm-hearted way.