Stephanie M. Kriesberg - Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve

Stephanie Kriesberg has written a reassuring and easy-to-read book about what its like to grow up with a mother who is raising you to meet her own needs and is generally incapable of empathy. Kriesberg describes the causes of narcissism in vivid prose. Replete with real-life examples, exercises, and thoughtful journaling questions, I will be sending clients and friends to this book again and again.

Jonice Webb, PhD , psychologist, and author of Running On Empty and Running On Empty No More

Stephanie has neatly captured the multitude of ways in which having a narcissistic parent can constrain your own development and cause turmoil in family functioning whilst also acknowledging the different forms of narcissism, each with their unique behavioral repertoires. Narcissists resist change; however, this is an excellent resource for developing skills for dealing with your narcissistic motherfor you and your (future) family.

Claire M. Hart, PhD , narcissism researcher and associate professor of psychology at the University of Southampton, UK

Stephanie Kriesbergs book fills an important need for women trying to understand and heal from the myriad issues resulting from being raised by a narcissistic mother. Kriesberg skillfully weaves together a number of treatment modalities to provide practical strategies for coping and recovery. This is a beautifully written and very accessible self-help book. I will definitely recommend it to my clients who come from this kind of background.

Lorna McKenzie-Pollock, LICSW , director of education for the New England Society of Clinical Hypnosis; with a private practice in Brookline, MA

An intricate and eye-opening dive into maternal narcissism. Through a series of compelling vignettes and applied exercises, Kriesberg provides the perfect road map for understanding, navigating, and overcoming the impacts of being raised by a narcissistic mother. Highly recommend!

Jill A. Stoddard, PhD , author of Be Mighty and The Big Book of ACT Metaphors

Filled with dozens of relatable stories and curative coping tools, Kriesbergs guide is like having a compassionate therapist in your pocket who shows you how to navigate the conflicting feelings of dealing with a self-centered mother so you can confidently set boundaries, honor your own needs, and put yourself back in the center of your own life.

Courtney Armstrong, LPC , author of Rethinking Trauma Treatment

Women struggling with the emotional impoverishment and instability of life with a narcissistic mother will find themselves on long-sought solid ground with Stephanie Kriesbergs Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers . Straightforward, reassuring, and interactive, this welcome guide provides an admirable balance of relatable examples, compassionate validation, and proven strategies for healing.

Julie L. Hall , founder of The Narcissist Family Files, and author of The Narcissist in Your Life

This is a hands-on, straight-to-the-point, useful guide for processing challenging residual experiences of mothers exposing a narcissistic personality. Facing the range from distant ignorance to intrusive preoccupationall in the service of the mothers own self-interesthas a major impact on a daughters continuing internal sense of self. The author connects close descriptions of internal struggle with systematic and thoughtful strategies for daughters healing and growth.

Elsa Ronningstam, PhD , associate professor (PT) at Harvard Medical School, and clinical psychologist at McLean Hospital

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS is a registered trademark of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

New Harbinger Publications is an employee-owned company.

Copyright 2022 by Stephanie Kriesberg

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

All Rights Reserved

Cover design by Amy Daniel

Acquired by Georgia Kolias

Edited by Gretel Hakanson

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Kriesberg, Stephanie M., author.

Title: Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers : quiet the critical voice in your head, heal self-doubt, and live the life you deserve / Stephanie M. Kriesberg, PsyD.

Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, [2022] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2022020012 | ISBN 9781648480096 (trade paperback)

Subjects: LCSH: Narcissism. | Self-acceptance. | Mothers and daughters--Psychology. | BISAC: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Parenting / Parent & Adult Child | SELF-HELP / Emotions

Classification: LCC BF575.N35 K75 2022 | DDC 155.2--dc23/eng/20220709

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022020012

For Ellis and for Lea and Talia with love

Contents

Foreword

With the widespread use of the term narcissism in recent years, many have come to imagine and perhaps even identify issues of narcissism in their own personal relationships, past and present. Whats harder to fathom, apart from movies like Mommie Dearest, Gypsy, and Ordinary People, is the reality of a narcissistic mother. We tend to count on maternal instinct to foster a needs-meeting inclinationone that will protect, nurture, support, guide, and cherish the helpless and precious child. But this is simply not the case for every person residing in the privileged and important role of mom.

In my work treating narcissistic people and those offended by the narcissist, it is not uncommon for me to meet someone who has been plagued by early embedded messages of unlovability, inadequacy, and undesirabilitythe internalized voice of a devaluing, demanding, and dismissive narcissistic parent. The silencing of ones voice juxtaposed with deafening self-doubt, subjugation, and self-sacrifice become representations on the emotional blueprint designed for present and future coping and survival.

The narcissistic parent can cast a devastating shadow on the self-esteem of her young ones. In some cases, the child is destined to forever be toting the heavy spotlight upon their shoulders, casting its glow on the parents insatiable ego. This hefty spotlight might be seen as the little girl who always must be in perfect sync with her narcissistic moms wishes and vicarious unfulfilled dreams, to validate and support Mom in achieving the (requisite) enviable extraordinary, best performance, in the eyes of otherseven if only imagined.

Therefore, I could not be more delighted to endorse Stephanie Kriesbergs beautifully written book, Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Hats off to Stephanie for this valuable endeavor. Crafted through a clear, personal, and thoughtful voice, her book offers the reader the highly effective skills and tools needed to overcome the anxiety, self-blame, shame, and self-doubt that come from having a self-absorbed, narcissistic mother. Readers will learn skills for developing their core strengths, setting limits, and regulating the painful emotions arising from the haunting triggers of remembered experiences and longstanding unchallenged responses. She teaches the reader how to trust your inner advocate and become free from the control of a narcissistic mother, breaking the legacy of learned negative messages that cause anxiety, self-doubt, and worry.