Muriel Solomon - Getting What You Want (and Deserve): From Rotten Bosses, Demanding Spouses, Phony Friends, Prying Parents, Annoying Neighbors, and Other

Getting
What
You
Want
and
Deserve

Getting
What
You
Want
and
Deserve

... from Rotten Bosses, Demanding Spouses, Phony Friends, Prying Parents, Annoying Neighbors, and Other Irritating People

MURIEL SOLOMON

Copyright 2000 by Muriel Solomon All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews and articles.

Published by Rutledge Hill Press, a Thomas Nelson Company, P.O. Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee 37214.

Design by Harriette Bateman

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Solomon, Muriel.
Getting what you want (and deserve) : from rotten bosses, demanding spouses, phony friends, prying parents, annoying neighbors, and other irritating people / Muriel Solomon.
p. cm.
Includes index
ISBN 1-55853-771-6
1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Self-realization. I. Title.
BF637.C45S634 1999
158.2dc21

99-41875 CIP

Printed in the United States of America

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 904 03 02 01 00

To Linda Burrows,
whose joyful spirit
taught me about courage

Contents

1. Spare the Ultimatum: Tell Me What You Want
Taming tyrants who freak out when displeased

2. SOSIm Swamped
When excessive assignments are constantly dumped on you

3. Heres What Im Worth; Let Me Tell You Why
Overcoming the fear of asking for a raise

4. Big Brother Is Watching, and Its Disconcerting
When youre angry that the boss monitors your computer usage

5. I Was Only Trying to Help
Choosing between taking the initiative and being employed

6. I Dont Intend to Play Your Blame Game
Protecting yourself when youre the scapegoat

7. Its a Mistake, but It Didnt Merit the Riot Act
Responding to a tongue-lashing you didnt deserve

8. Do You Mind If I Put That in Writing?
When your boss habitually backs out of a promise

9. I Think We Need to Come to an Understanding
Bringing into line challengers to your authority

10. Lets Pull on the Same End of the Rope
Getting prima donnas to do whats required

11. Make Peace, Not War
When feuding workers go on the warpath

12. We Have a Conflict, So Lets Try to Resolve It
Dismissing an unpredictable, potentially dangerous saboteur

13. No One Likes a Tattletale
Querying informers who may be malicious troublemakers

14. Say It to My Face or Not at All
Confronting backstabbers and gaining their respect

15. Dont Even Think about Sandbagging Me Again
Handling an underhanded surprise attack in front of others

16. Hold Your FireWe Need to Work Together
When rivals spread rumors or sling mud at you

17. Stop Stealing from Me!
Reclaiming ideas or turf from thieving colleagues

18. I Dont Want Any Part of Your Misconduct
When a coworker presses you to do something wrong

19. Your Jokes Arent FunnyTheyre Digs
How to look good after jokers lampoon your achievement

20. Cease and Desist with the Disses
Using humor when boorish clods enjoy ridiculing you

21. We Can Salvage This
When partnerships are threatened by intense disagreements

22. I Appreciate Your Business, But
Handling impatient egotists demanding special treatment

23. Lets Discuss This in Private
Calming angry folks who are using loud and abusive language

24. Quit Bullying Me
Stopping unwarranted pestering at home and in the office

25. Its Time to Fish or Cut Bait
When their vacillating stops the sale

26. I Made a Mistake; Can We Start Over?
Making amends after you step on someones sensibilities

27. This Accusation Doesnt Have Merit
When unfounded attacks can ruin reputations or get you fired

CHAPTER V. DOCTORS, LAWYERS,
AND OTHER PROFESSIONAL EXPERTS

28. Do You Understand What I Want?
Getting the high and mighty to pay attention to what youre saying

29. Your Arrogance Is Discomforting to Me
When answers to your queries make you feel stupid

30. In Plain English, Please
When they speak in terms lay people cant comprehend

31. Love Your Waiting Room, But
Voicing your complaint about being kept waiting

32. You Sold Me a Bad Bill of Goods
How to complain about a product to get results

33. This Isnt What I Paid For!
How to complain when the service isnt as promised

34. Excuse MeDo You Want My Business?
When store clerks and other workers ignore your needs

35. If You Insist on Talking Down to Me
Responding to condescending people paid to serve you

36. Either We Work This Out, or Youre Out a Customer
When they wont soften strict policies to accommodate you

37. Did You Know You Were Speeding in a School Zone?
When instructors go too fast and get mad if you ask questions

38. Because Youre Considered an Expert in This Field
Challenging opinions of instructors who are know-it-alls

39. Is My Grade Open for Discussion?
How to question a grading system that appears irrational

40. This Isnt Payback Time: Youre Paid to Teach Me
When youre the target of an inexplicable vendetta

41. Lets Be FairYou Do Your Share
Balancing the load when youre being overburdened

42. Clue Me In So We Can Both Decide
When major decisions are made without consulting you

43. Ive Never Been So Embarrassed
Stopping humiliation, especially in front of others

44. Stop Nagging Me
How to instantly stop continual fault-finding

45. Please Talk to Me
Breaking the barrier when you get the silent treatment

46. This Isnt Getting Us Anywhere
When a partner exaggerates your faults with name-calling

47. Its Time to Move On
When your former partner refuses to let go

48. Your Threats Arent Good for Our Kids
How to handle bullying and tyrannizing

49. Theyre Our KidsNot Our Weapons!
When your ex tries to poison the kids minds against you

50. Lets Be Fair
Reducing arguments about property settlement

51. Lets Resolve This, or Youll Be Hearing from My Lawyer
Dealing with your exs evading judicial decisions

52. Im an Adult; I Can Run My Own Life
When they interfere with the way you handle decisions

53. Stop the Shame Game
Answering constant jabs that imply the fault is yours

54. Your Name-Calling Isnt Doing Anyone Any Good
Confronting hurtful name-calling and doomsday predictions

55. Give Me the Benefit of the Doubt
When parents jump to conclusions without waiting for facts

56. Why Isnt Anything I Do Good Enough?
Rejecting parental affronts while accepting their support

57. Please Respect My Time
Handling unreasonable demands made on your free time

58. I Just Want Whats Best for You
When the more you do for older parents, the worse it gets

59. Lets Be Certain We Understand Each Other
When your kids wont play by your rules

60. I Hear You and I Want to Help