Alexandra H. Solomon - Taking sexy back : how to own your sexuality & create the relationships you want

Taking Sexy Back is going directly on my top list of recommended sexuality readings. Not only did I learn a lot, but I also enjoyed the ease, directness, and warmth with which Solomon guides us to deeper sexual and relational self-awareness. An invitation we cant refuse!

Esther Perel , couples therapist, TED speaker, host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? , and author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs

In these enlightening and powerful pages, Alexandra Solomon provides a clear path to thinking about our sexuality in the context of our psyches, our relationships, and our pleasure. There are countless books on relationships and countless books on sexuality, but never have I seen a book that asks us to examine our sexual lives in such a holistic, empowering, and eye-opening way. This is a rare and life-changing gift for women everywhere.

Lori Gottlieb , New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

Psychologist Alexandra Solomon ( Loving Bravely ) empowers and enlightens in this manual that encourages women to accept and control their sexuality Like a wise older sister or a trusted friend, Solomon illustrates how to move from fear to love She also tackles the topic of sexual traumas and the poison they inject into relationships, and encourages experimentation and sexual fantasies as tools to learn ones own sexuality Solomon proves to be a savvy, empathetic voice in this educational and inspiring guide.

Publishers Weekly

When the next sexual revolution comes, this book will certainly be among its founding documents. It takes the best parts of what psychology has learned about love and sex, and distills them to their simplest human essence. Love and sex, as the author notes, are a powerful and ancient magic, and this book will do much to help the next generation of women claim more of this magic for themselves.

Stephen Snyder, MD , host of the Relationship Doctor podcast on Macmillan Publishers QDT Network, and author of Love Worth Making

In Alexandra Solomons book, Taking Sexy Back , she asks us to dig deep, to look beyond our assumptions, to shift from being sexualized to being sexual, and to find our erotic selves under years of cultural repression. This book helps women to reclaim their inherent right to their sexuality, which we all need as we move into the next wave of empowering ourselves, fighting for our right to feel pleasure in our own bodieswithout guilt, shame, or remorse. I will pass Solomons wise advice on to my own daughter.

Tammy Nelson, PhD , certified sex and relationship therapist, and author of Getting the Sex You Want and The New Monogamy

Have you ever wished you knew someone that combined the intimacy of your best friend with the skills and competency of a PhD in psychology? Someone who could support you on the road to creating a wildly fulfilling sex lifeboth with yourself and your partner(s)? This book will change your life, open doors, and allow you to own every drop of the hot, sexy woman you were born to become.

Regena Thomashauer (aka Mama Gena) , founder and CEO of The School of Womanly Arts at www.mamagenas.com, and New York Times bestselling author of Pussy

Taking Sexy Back welcomes women into an adventurous reclamation of our sexuality as just that ours! And ours alone.

Linda Kay Klein , author of PURE , and founder of Break Free Together

With grace, savvy, and compassion, Solomon dismantles the web of erroneous messages that stand in the way of sexual fulfillment for countless women. Taking Sexy Back is a powerful, much-needed guide to reclaiming your sexuality and blossoming into your fullest, most pleasure-capable self.

August McLaughlin , media personality, podcast host/producer, and author of Girl Boner

Chock-full of poignant real-life stories, scientific data presented in an accessible format, and questions to provoke deeper thinking, Taking Sexy Back is what every woman needs to set her on the path to sexual empowerment and fulfillment. It is the only book of its kind written in a wonderfully inclusive way, encompassing the experiences of those who identify as straight, lesbian, bisexual, cisgender, gender-queer, monogamous, nonmonogamous, and more. Solomons passion and compassion for womens sexual discovery shines through. I will be recommending this book to students, clients, and friends for years to come.

Laurie Mintz, PhD , professor in the department of psychology at the University of Florida, and author of A Tired Womans Guide to Passionate Sex and Becoming Cliterate

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

All names have been changed except those of the author. Some identifying details have been changed.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2020 by Alexandra H. Solomon

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

Bassons Model of Sexual Motivation, in chapter 5, from R. Basson (2002). Rethinking Low Sexual Desire in Women. BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology 109: 357363. Used by permission of John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

River of Integration figure, in chapter 6, from the work of Daniel Siegel. Used by permission of the author.

Could You Just Love Me Like This by Hollie Holden copyright 2016 by Hollie Holden (http://www.hollieholden.me). Reprinted by permission of the author.

Cover design by Sara Christian; Acquired by Jess OBrien; Edited by Marisa Solis

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file

Our erotic knowledge empowers us, becomes a lens through which we scrutinize all aspects of our existence, forcing us to evaluate those aspects honestly in terms of their relative meaning in our lives.

Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches

This book is dedicated to my students and
clients, past, present, and future,
who are some of my most inspiring teachers.
Thank you for sharing you with me.
I am better for knowing you.

Contents

Foreword

Over the last two decades, research in the area of human sexuality has made one thing very clear. Regardless of womens country of origin, age, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, relationship status, and education, a lot of women experience chronic sexual problems. In fact, about one in three women will have lasting sexual difficulties that cannot be attributed to a short-term stressor, illness, or medication side effects.

When one-third of women are sexually dissatisfieda problem that is more common than the prevalence of chronic pain, diabetes, or depressionwe need to figure out whats going on! Many women lack accurate information about sexuality. This might be due to a failure of the education system to teach sex education, or perhaps it is due to restrictive attitudes about sex in womens early environments. Too many women hold false, inaccurate, misleading, distressing, damaging, and life-altering beliefs about sex. Many women feel that they cannot talk to a primary care doctor about sex, and there is no road map for how to navigate the unregulated online information.

When Taking Sexy Back arrived in my inbox, I found myself nodding by the second paragraph. By the fourth I had made a list of the different venues in which I would use the book, including with clients, in teaching students, in training health care providers, and as a reference in my own research and writing. And by the end of chapter 1, I had highlighted in yellow nearly every line.