Patty Ptak Kogutek - A Change of Habit: A Spiritual Journey from Sister Mary Kateri to Sister Mary Vodka

A CHANGE
OF HABIT

A Spiritual Journey From Sister
Mary Kateri To Sister Mary Vodka

Patty Ptak Kogutek

Copyright 2012 Patty Ptak Kogutek

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-4281-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-4283-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-4282-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011961101

Balboa Press rev. date: 08/09/2012

To my parents who were there for me on every step of my journey.

In thanksgiving and appreciation for their untiring love and support.

Contents

Between the years of 1965-2005 the Catholic Church lost sixty-two percent of its nuns.* I am one of those. But despite my struggles with the Church, I never left God.

A Change of Habit begins as the story of my seven years as a Roman Catholic nun. Those powerful formative years shaped my search for God and happiness. But the behaviors I learned in the convent walked out of the nunnery with me.

Even after leaving the convent, I could not escape being the nun. Those three letters, N-U-N, have defined my life, coloring it with hues of black and white. When I divorced my first earthly husband, I remember exclaiming, Free at last! But with surprise, I recalled also muttering those same words twelve years earlier when I left the convent. The patterns ingrained in the convent required years to unravel, to the point where I still wrestle with some today.

While I did leave the convent, I never left God. I failed to find God in the rites, rituals, and rules of the Church. But then I asked, Is He okay, and am I okay with my spiritual search following a path other than the one led by the church hierarchy? My answer came in happiness.

Six years ago, a spiritual counselor suggested that I write a book to share my story, one she deemed could portray struggles that would be helpful to others. I resisted her suggestion since I had no inclination to share my nun secret so publicly. I wanted to hide the fact that I was a nun. In the mid-1960s, President Kennedy challenged youth of my generation to serve. Entering the Peace Corps to go to a foreign country seemed much more exotic than entering a convent adjacent to my high school. Being a nun wasnt cool. But as a guilt sponge, I tucked the urging in the back of my mind.

Two years sped by, and I spent a winter in Arizona. While meeting new people, the nun secret emerged. People were, as always, fascinated by the nun years of my lifewanting to know why I entered such a strange lifestyle, what was it like in the convent, and why I left religious life. Later, I met with a life coach who challenged me to write fifteen minutes a day beginning chronologically from birth. I took up that challenge, which evolved into scenes of this book.

Writing proved difficult. It required scouring my soul for painful things that I had so neatly stuffed away. On many days, I had to abandon writing because of tears or getting emotionally exhausted. But in return, the book turned out to be a cathartic journal.

I wrote my story to help others find happiness through adversity by breaking through the bondage of guilt. We each have our own journeys, but that doesnt mean that we have to go it alone. My words are meant to be of support and consolation to my fellow spiritual sojourners--those struggling to do the right thing.

A Change of Habit , with my departure from the convent and testing conventional Catholicism, is in no way meant to take swipes at the Catholic Church, the convent, or nuns that taught me in school. Every Catholic school, every religious convent, and every Catholic family embraced values of commitment, obedience, and discipline with high expectations. Placed in the time prior to Vatican II, the religious practices depicted within my story were normal. The religious trifectathe church, my strict Catholic home, and the religious sistersmade me who I am today.

Convents have changed in the past fifty years. The accepted religious practices of my experience seem archaic and severe by todays standards. Sharing my journey is by no means intended to be offensive to anyone. I am thankful for the dedicated nuns who have devoted their lives to the service of others. If you find yourself bristling, please read on trusting that everything works out for the best, a spiritual renaissance.

This is my story as I lived it. Its a story of love, searching, change, responsibility, and hope. The choices I made wove the fabric of my lifefor worse and for better. I write as a call to action, moving others to honestly and continuously reflect on their own situations and bravely act to promote and protect their own power and happiness. No matter where you are on your lifes path or what religion you may practice, enjoy my journey of discovery as I share the secrets that Ive collected along my way.

Patty Ptak Kogutek

*State of the U.S. Catholic Church at the Beginning of 2006, by Father John McCloskey.

In recognition of Sylvia Browne whose insightful reading planted the initial stirring of this book.

Id like to acknowledge Becky Lomax with special benediction for her invaluable help as writing coach and editor of this book. Her overall support in prodding me to dig deeper, even to the point of tears, allowed me to unveil buried emotions and put them into beautiful words.

In appreciation to Sharon Lechter, Greg Tobin, Jennifer A. Murphy, and Suzanne Zaccone for their input, guidance, and valuable suggestions. Thanks also to Valerie Crosby and her team at Crosby Wright for bringing the artistic design to this book.

Im very grateful to Aaron Harper, Constance Holcomb, Walter Serwatka, and Dr. Coleene Fernando for their feedback, contribution of ideas, and constant encouragement.

Heartfelt appreciation goes to my fellow writers, Phyllis, Dawn, and Sue from the Flathead Authors Group for their willingness to embrace the novice.

All my love goes to my husband Joe who had more faith in my capabilities to write a book than I did.

And to my readers, thank you, for your inspiration and reason to share the journey.

C hoosing my own clothing that day was the last decision I made for myself. I selected my blue and gray plaid skirt with a matching blue cashmere-like sweater for Sunday church.