Savita Sahni - The Litmus Test: Notes to Myself

The Litmus Test Notes to Myself Savita Sahni Copyright 2017 by Savita Sahni. ISBN: Softcover 978-1-5437-0100-5 eBook 978-1-5437-0099-2 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them. www.partridgepublishing.com/india Contents All my teachers who kindled love of reading and writing in me.

I owe my deepest gratitude to my family and friends who have always stood by me through thick and thin. But for them this book wouldnt have been possible. I offer my sincere thanks to Partridge Publishing team for bringing out this book for me. I have an attractive collection of anklets. I must have been to several outlets. Silver, pearls, cotton beads or gold, They are beautiful for the young and the old.

Often I would take out my jewellery box, Just to admire my collection in front of all. If I wore an ethnic suit I would wear one with the beads. If I wore a saree I liked to match it with silver artistry. With a Capri I wore something ornamental, I seldom went without such stylish foot fashion. My costume jewellery is envy of my friends. I still admire it in moments of loneliness.

But one fine day my left leg was wounded. Just out of the blue I found myself amputated. The first casualty was my collection of anklets. The tears I shed were more precious than anything else. It is ironic that sometimes we spend time and money, On things we expect to but may not one day need. Did I ever in my wildest dreams think, I would ever lose half of my leg in a blink? Well! life does shock you sometimes.

You do make plans to lead a fine life. But you hardly precipitate thunder and lightening, To hit everything you may have lovingly collected. Thats life for you. I often sing a lullaby for the baby I didnt have. He wouldnt ever come back. I did see him in a tiny form.

He was brought for me to see in the dorm. He looked like his dad, But lifeless, no breath. Just five months foetus prematurely delivered. My womb couldnt hold him beyond that period. Why does a woman go through such tragic moments? Why couldnt he survive though looked so handsome. Destiny intervenes as it foresees greater problems.

It leaves a vacuum in your life for all times to come. A permanent scar stays in your heart. You are also looked at as unlucky by all. A child cements your relationship with your husband. Otherwise he keeps blaming you for being childless. How do you fill that slot in your life ? You could have adopted some one you liked, From an orphanage or an adoption agency Do not stop living just because you have no offspring.

You as a couple can do a lot for the society. Lamenting that you have no children, Spoils your life in the present. It was Gods will. Forget what you didnt have. Count everything you have had. God keeps balancing your fortunes.

You should thank Him for everything that is good. Money, money, money. It comes and goes honey. You are fooled into parting with it. You buy tempting packages. You realise you are trapped, soon, But money cant be refunded to you.

Your head spins when you suffer a big loss. But you cant do much, dear boss. Once it slips from your hands, ATM, Debit Card or bank balance, You just hold your head in your hands, Lamenting the loss of your huge cash. You are likely to get a heart attack, Unless somebody rescues you from this mess. You know how hard it is to earn a salary. How can you just let go such money.

Who do you go and share your loss with? Nobody is going to help you get it. They might charge you service price. If you try and get them to fight. To wrench out your money from a bunch of crooks, They will not let you have access to their books It is not wise to repent over your foolish act. Whatever loss you incurred was meant to be like that. Forget it and move on.

Life has to go on. Money or no money. Try to stay happy honey. Sometimes you are sad for no reason. You just revive dark moments as a woman. Traumatic experiences come back to haunt you.

Eating into your present life to disturb you. You go on getting into glitches despite alerts. You realise, life remains tough for some of us. It is strange that you never forget being in terror. Try as you might you remember having lived in fear. There is no antidote to agony you went through.

Your present is morphed by the past truth. It is an effort to begin afresh. You were not built in a day. Your memory is fat as a toad. The content is not all insignificant upload. Time frames can showcase the episodes exclusively.

There is no other way to explore your history. Spend your energy for the battles you fight daily. Instead of flying in reverse to track your story. Nobody changes drastically in their behaviour. They do mellow down to take care of themselves better. At least life remains functional.

You survive on more than one level. Eat well. Sleep well. Stay well. Do essential work at home to feel useful. Get into creative hobbies to fill the vacuum.

Years pile up. You live up. It is a miracle! You have many boxes in your heart. The biggest box has memories which last. The next one has all the pictures you possess. One of them has childhood friends you remember.

From time to time you tap the boxes. Out come your memorable tidbits. Some of them touch your heart. Some pictures are so funny you laugh. You recall moments with family and friends You have survived so far because of them. You fell in love and dreamt of heaven, But by and by life changed its tenor.

You have walked uneven surfaces. You have often sloshed in puddles You have been steadied by others. You have braved sickness and tragedy. You have filled empty moments with melody. Life is not what you imagine as true. It shows weaves of colours you choose.

It is a game you play with total strangers. You make efforts to turn them into friends. You try to cement the cracks in the wall. The glue is not strong enough to fix it all. You cover long days and nights. Often repeat what you might not like.

Just put up with what is meted out to you. You cannot control that which hits you. You have to learn the art of living. Nobody but you will control your breathing. Breathe life into joyful living moments. Disregard what interferes with your happiness.

Recognise the soul within you. It introduces you to you. You become friends with yourself. Love yourself. Protect yourself. A man has pockets in his heart.

He hides precious memories in each part. He may have loved someone when young He may not have had the guts to marry her. But still she haunts him when he is alone. He has a woman in his life as his consort. She doesnt meet the standard set by her. The other woman lives in his heart forever.

He is secretive about his feelings. Nobody has any clue why he is often pensive. He tries his best to live in the present. Nobody can stop him when he thinks of his princess. People do have affairs sometimes. You may like or you may not like.

They have reasons enough to call off the affair. But forgetting is something no one can handle. After all you get to marry only once, Unless you divorce or lose your partner. A man or a woman has options at a certain time But choosing well is often a difficult exercise. Either you marry for love or compromise. It is always your destiny which guides.