Janet W. Hardy - Spanking for Lovers

2015 by Janet W. Hardy

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or Internet reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Portions of this book appeared previously in The Compleat Spanker and The Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning, both from Greenery Press, and used with permission.

Cover by Johnny Ink, www.johnnyink.com.

Cover and interior illustrations by Barbara OToole.

Published by Greenery Press, a division of SCB Distributors, Gardena, CA 90248.

The pinkening of the butt early in a spanking resembles the flush many people experience on their faces, chests and bottoms during sexual arousal. Coincidence? I dont think so.

1. Spanking and Me

ONE OF MY EARLIEST MEMORIES IS OF sitting at the circus with my parents I must have been four or so and wondering what it would feel like to be spanked by the strong man.

Obviously, my spanking fantasies go back a long way. I can hardly remember having any sexual fantasies at all that didnt include some form of spanking. And even today, although my interests have expanded to take in many other forms of consensual erotic play, spanking remains my first love.

Yet it took me a very long time to come to terms with this interest. Like many women, I found it easy to deny to myself that the fascinating thoughts and images that crowded my mind were sexual in nature. (Women, unlike men, cannot look down to gauge a phallic barometer of sexual arousal.) Thus, I was approaching thirty by the time I recognized that my spanking thoughts were actually sex fantasies.

And it took me even longer to recognize that lots of other people shared my interest. At the time well before the popularization of the Internet I was living a relatively conservative life in a small West Coast city, with little exposure to erotic literature or photographs, and no access to the resources available in larger cities. And since my fantasies, like many other folks, were about nonconsensual spanking, I didnt realize that there were ways to act them out within the context of friendly and consensual sex play.

But eventually, the truth began to seep in: I was one of thousands, maybe tens or even hundreds of thousands, of people who had erotic connections with the act of spanking or being spanked. Suddenly, I began to see that I was virtually surrounded by spanking fans.

That was several decades ago. I began looking for and finding people to spank and, later, people to spank me. I have spanked and been spanked by hundreds of people male and female and in between, gay and straight and bi. Ive used hands and paddles and hairbrushes and canes and birches and floggers and straps, and had them used on me. Ive participated in light spankings that barely pinkened the skin, and heavy ones that left the backside bruised for weeks. And I think I can safely say that Ive enjoyed every single one of them.

How this Book Came About

Previous editions of this book were published as The Compleat Spanker, under the pen name Lady Green a name I began using when my children were still minors. Now that theyre older than many of my readers, Im writing under the name on my birth certificate, Janet W. Hardy. (Appendix D, Some Thoughts On Caning, appeared in modified form in my book The Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning, written under my own name.)

Many texts on kink, and even some standard lovemaking texts, include information on erotic spanking. But I believe that spanking by which I mean striking the buttocks and sometimes upper thighs with a hand or other implement deserves a text of its own. Spanking is a precise craft, with exciting rewards. It carries less risk than many of the other activities people do for erotic fun, but it is far from completely safe.

Furthermore, I recognize that many people who enjoy the idea of erotic spanking dont consider themselves to be into the kink scene, and thus may never look at the many excellent books on that topic. So this volume will, I hope, provide them with the information they need to practice safe and erotic spanking play.

My Biases

I wont pretend to be completely open-minded about anything that involves smacking an ass. My biggest prejudice, of course, is against nonconsensual spanking. If you are reading this book looking for support for your practice of spanking a partner without their consent, youre out of luck; I believe nonconsensual spanking to be abusive behavior (and it is certainly assault, as defined by law).

If you are spanking someone against their will, or being spanked against your will, contact your local hotline for battering or battered partners immediately. (Contact information is listed in the Resource Guide at the back of this book.)

Mind-altering substances muddy the edges of consent: we all know that people sometimes do things under the influence of drugs and alcohol that they would not do sober. The morning-after of combining substances with spanking can involve a lot more consequences than a simple hangover. Some people choose never to involve an intoxicant in their spanking play, while others find that they can manage a very small amount of alcohol or mild drugs while playing. Know your own limitations and keep within them.

And I hope it goes without saying that spanking, like a fine brandy, is too rich and intoxicating a treat for children. I do not believe in spanking children, either as punishment, or, of course, erotically. Please keep your adult spanking play between adults: do not spank, or be spanked by, anyone who is not of the age of consent in your state.

Dont worry theres still plenty of hot, realistic spanking fun to be had between consenting adults who follow these guidelines! With love, creativity, skill and perhaps a few carefully selected toys, you have a lifetime of amazing sensations and astonishing emotional experiences ahead of you.

Some of us are just a little slow, I guess.

If you know of an erotic activity that IS 100% safe, Id be interested in hearing about it.

Some people in spanking/domestic discipline relationships practice blanket consent, in which the recipient consents to being spanked when the spanker thinks it appropriate. Such agreements work fineuntil they dont (which may never happen). If you want to try for this kind of relationship, I suggest working up to it slowly and building in some way to communicate genuine distress. Ill discuss these issues at greater length in Chapter 11, Spanking Relationships.

2. Who Spanks?

ALOTOF PEOPLE ARE EROTICALLY ATTUNED to spanking. So many, in fact, that snickering references to erotic spanking have become a mainstay of television (Ive counted spanking jokes and scenes on Night Court, Taxi, Weeds, Community, Ally McBeal, Frasier, Outlander and several others, and I dont watch much TV!). In less self-conscious times, spanking offered harmless titillation to generations of moviegoers (John Waynes McClintock! is notorious) and readers (more than a few pre-Code comic books featured a comely moll getting walloped by a stern superhero). Im also told that the less inhibited brand of romance novel

So, when I hear someone ask the question Is erotic spanking normal? Im a bit torn. If these people are asking Is an interest in erotic spanking a statistical norm? the answer is probably No, but its not highly unusual either. If, as is more likely, theyre asking But isnt it necessarily sick to want to give or receive pain? I have an easier answer: No, it isnt.