Dr. Robert S. Paul - Finding Ever After: A Romantic Adventure for Her, An Adventurous Romance for Him

Finding Ever After
Copyright 2007
Robert S. Paul

Cover by Andrea Gjeldum/Paul Higdon

Ebook edition created 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com

Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com

eISBN 978-1-4412-0845-3

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Dr. Robert Paul is not only a close friend of mine, but one of the best marriage experts I know. He doesnt just offer advice, he provides practical communication for couples who are so stuck that they feel like quitting. I highly recommend Dr. Pauls latest book. Its more than just another marriage resource; its a guide that will help you grow closer to your spouse than you ever dreamed of!

Dr. Gary Smalley,
Author of I Promise

Dr. Bob Paul has his finger on the heartbeat of couples. You will be deeply encouraged by reading this book, allowing him to coach you, and finding your ever after with the one you love!

Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg,
Americas Family Coaches, author of
The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women

If you want to make your marriage great, we highly recommend Finding Ever After. You can trust Bobs insights into relationships not simply because he is an accomplished counselor, author, and speaker, but because he has personally lived it. If you want to find your own piece of ever after, this book can take you there.

Claudia and David Arp, MSW
Authors of 10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage

Dr. Pauls personal examples make this not only a great read, he also sets us up for some incredible insights that can enrich our own marriage. This is a must-read if you are interested in growing your marriage.

David Stoop, Ph.D.
Author, Forgiving the Unforgivable

D EDICATION

This book is dedicated to our four incredible children: Christopher, Jessica, Rebecca, and Nathan. Your contribution to my life is immeasurable. You are each unique and amazing. I love you with all my heart, and I pray for the love stories you are each living on your own journey toward finding Ever After.

A CKNOWLEDGMENTS

First, thanks to my amazing wife, Jenni. Without you, none of this would be possible. You are the love of my life and my journeying partner. You have been an inspiration from the beginning, and there is no one in the world like you. Jenni, you are a testimony to the unbelievable creativity of our Lord. You have the most extraordinary mind, heart, stamina, and faith of anyone Ive ever met. I owe you my life.

I would like to extend an enormous thanks to my friend and collaborator, Donna Wallace, who truly stayed the course and from the start has kept a bright vision of Finding Ever After. Donna, you brought endless creativity and energy, as well as a crucial and much-needed feminine perspective; your meticulous care and attention to detail were impeccable. Thank you for your unwillingness to settle, for your patience with me, and your awesome sense of humor that allowed us to laugh, even when the going was tough. To her family, James, Cierra, and Spenc, her comrades on the journey, I thank you as well.

To my dedicated and tireless team at National Institute of Marriage: Your commitment to a grand vision of great marriages is awesome. To my partner, Mark Pyatt: Your dedication to living out your faith boldly and with integrity is an ongoing source of strength and comfort to me. I cant imagine doing this without you. A special thanks to Dr. Bob Burbee and Christine Arnzen for spending hours brainstorming with me and always bringing your A-game to the table. Also, to the rest of the clinical team, Tricia Cunningham, Gary Bruegman, Dr. Brett Sparks, Dr. Jared Pingleton, Nathan and Jane Phillips, Dr. Shawn Stoever, Verlette Berndt, Pat McLean, Cindy Irwin, Fletch McClelland, Cynthia Nicholson, Teresa Phillips, and Monique Wells: You have each made a significant contribution to my life and this ministry. To the speaking team, Dr. Greg Smalley, Kris Pace, and Ted Cunningham. And to our support staff, Sheila, Shari, Sara, Abby, Cassie, Ellen, Joanne, Leslye, Sheri, and Angie: Your commitment to our team, the mission, and to the Lord is incredible and deeply appreciated.

To my agent, Lee Hough, who has skillfully guided me on this journey: Lee, your faith in me and this project has never wavered. Thank you for always being available and for continuing to steer me through uncharted waters.

Thanks to Kyle Duncan and the whole team at Bethany House. Kyle, your enthusiasm about Finding Ever After has been a breath of fresh air. I get that this is more than just a job for you, and I appreciate your interest in truly making a difference in this world.

To Donnas mother, Bobbie Ward, who after the sun had set spent long hours word-crafting and poring over the text, I give my special admiration and thanks.

To Jack Herschend and our Board of Directors, Dr. Greg Smalley, Michael Boerner, Dr. Gary Oliver, Gary Allen, Kris Pace, and Cary Summers: Thank you all for your generous contribution of time, commitment, and vision for our work and calling. Jack, thank you for being a mentor and friend. I never leave a conversation with you without feeling blessed.

To Dr. Gary Smalley: I treasure our friendship, and thank you for your unwavering support, encouragement, and promotion. I wouldnt have the countless opportunities I do to follow Gods leading without the trail you blazed. You have opened doors for me with continual generosity. I hope my work will continue to bless you as yours does me.

Thanks also to our beautiful children and children-in-law, Chris and Amara, Jessica and Chris, Rebecca, and Nathan. I cant imagine life without you. I continue to learn so much from you and with you. Thanks for allowing me to be your dad, and for providing so many great memories and stories to share together and with anyone else interested.

Thanks to my parents, who have loved me and believed in me from the beginning. I never remember a day in my life when I questioned whether I was loved. I continue to learn from you and love you deeply.

Finally, thanks to my Father in heaven. You have given me an opportunity to have a part in the unfolding of your plan and purpose. I know that you can get along just fine without me, but thank you for not wanting to. I love you, and I know you love me.

table of CONTENTS

I NTRODUCTION

We never tire of the epic tale of undying love between a man and a woman, spun with timeless threads of adventure and romance. Our imagination is captured by chronicles wrought with danger and uncertainty, where two lovers dare to encounter their greatest fears for the sake of the other. Why? Theirs is a love worthy of gallant sacrifice, a story worth living.

At first glance, such a relationship might sound like nothing more than fantasy, but I couldnt disagree more. What weve widely come to accept as mere fantasy is, in fact, our deepest reality. I believe we are all born with incalculable potential, and I have learned never to underestimate the power of the human heart.

Nevertheless, I listen daily as couples privately confess to finding themselves restless, bored, even trapped in a reality worlds apart from their dream marriage. Whether outwardly cynical or quietly resolved, disillusioned partners ask, Whats the point? Im saddened that so many feel bound to a commitment they cant define: I made a promise... and now I will live in regret the rest of my life. Ill stay, but Ill never be happy.