Lisa Sugarman - Untying Parent Anxiety (Years 5–8): 18 Myths that Have You in Knots—And How to Get Free

Praise for Untying Parent Anxiety

As a real dad of two boys and a TV dad of three, I know the unrealistic expectations facing todays parents. Everyones shooting for perfection. But in Untying Parent Anxiety , Lisa reminds us that screwing up is the only thing we can really count on. And thats good by me, because perfects not that much fun for anyone.

Andy Buckley, actor, star of Odd Mom Out and The Office , father of two

Through humor, street smarts and life experience, Ms. Sugarman presents a relatable, easily applicable how to coping manual that any parent can reference during those tense parenting moments we all face. Untying Parent Anxiety normalizes challenges that most people face and offers level-headed, every-day practical responses that lets the reader feel like they arent alone.

Melissa Kaplowitch, PhD, Counseling Psychology Professor, Salem State University, mom of three

Navigating this crazy thing called parenthood is a little easier with Lisa on your side.

Kathy Doody, General Manager of Being a Mom.life, mom of three

Lisas writing is hilarious. She delivers parenting advice without judgement, in a light, witty way that makes the reader feel like its coming from a good friend.

Lauren Fowler, Manager, Spirit of 76 Bookstore

Lisa Sugarman has finally put out to the universe what every parent needs to hear but what every teacher and pediatrician cant get away with saying. Kids need to be kids above all. Lisa does a stellar job highlighting how to not just let a kid be a kid but explains how parents can swiftly and responsibly teach our children how to live balanced, responsible, and happy lives full of it all: chores, electronics, social media, and more! This is a must-read if you really want to learn the truth about not just being a good parent but a happy one too!

Debra Fox Gansenberg, MSW, LICSW, Co-Founder and Director of School Services, New Beginnings Counseling Service, P.C., mom of three

There really is no manual for parenting. I could use a step-by-step, year-by-year, drama-by-drama handbook, and Lisa Sugarman is the only person whos come close to delivering one. She single-handedly makes you feel human, like you can still breathe, and like theres still hope for you as a parent. Do you know the type of writing you never want to stop reading? The kind that makes you upset when a chapter or a book ends? Lisa Sugarman does that to me. Every. Single. Time.

Courtney Monaco, mom of two

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lisa. As a mom of two active, and well say savvy young men, parenting can occasionally feel like a swirling vortex of doom: too many decisions, too many different ways to tack, and too much to do. But youve broken it down beautifully and given me my new mantra geared to raising good people: Be Consistent. Stay on Task. Allow for Imperfections. And Love the Ride.

Kelly Calnan, mom of two

Lisas perspective is so reassuring and spot onand practical. Reading her work is 100% like being able to pull your sage girlfriend off the bookshelf on a whim and tap into her expertise. The sections about screens and about chores? I was high-fiving her with my mind.

Alison Carey, mom of four

Copyright 2017 by Lisa Sugarman

All rights reserved.

Published by Familius LLC, www.familius.com

Familius books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases, whether for sales promotions or for family or corporate use. For more information, contact Familius Sales at 559-876-2170 or email orders@familius.com.

Reproduction of this book in any manner, in whole or in part, without written permission of the publisher is prohibited.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

2016959872

Print ISBN 9781944822576

Ebook ISBN 9781944822590

Hardcover ISBN 9781944822583

Printed in the United States of America

Edited by DeAnna Acker

Cover design by David Miles

Book design by Brooke Jorden

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

... because were only as happy as our least happy kid.

For my family. Because youre my Dream Team. No one loves you like I do.

XO

Preface

Im around kids a lot. A whole lot. Between working in an elementary school for the last ten years plus and mothering my two daughters, I spend an awful lot of time with kids (and parents) every day. And what I see, more and more often, are kids cracking under the pressure of their parents unrealistic expectationsexpectations that they outdo their peers in every conceivable way.

As a result, kids are seeing specialists in record numbers and being medicated to control everything from anxiety disorders and depression to social phobias and panic attacks. And I see it all firsthand every day. According to the Child Mind Institutes 2016 Childrens Mental Health Report , 17.1 million young people under the age of eighteen have or have had a diagnosable psychiatric disorder. Scary statistics if youre a parent.

Ive spent almost two decades watching kids and parents fall apart around me when they didnt make the team or win MVP or get into their first-choice Ivy League college. And let me tell you, its gut wrenching, because these kids cant cope with anything less than perfection... and neither can their parents.

Youve noticed, Im sure, that helicopter parents are everywhere, with kids being so micromanaged by hypercompetitive moms and dads that they have no time left just to be kids. Ill bet, without even thinking twice, you can rattle off a list of parents you know who are overscheduling their kids so that every available second of their day is filled with activities. You may even be doing some of it yourself without realizing it.

As the author of the nationally syndicated opinion column It Is What It Is and the Boston Globe local bestseller LIFE: It Is What It Is , Ive spent the last eight years reminding people that life is always a work in progress that no ones perfect and were not supposed to be. Especially kids. And Ive decided that what todays parents need more than anything is a wake-up call to dial down their intensity and let their kids just be kids while they can. And if that means making some mistakes along the way, then so be it.

Because, in my opinion, too many parents today have forgotten that one of the most important skills we can impart to our children is the ability to screw up and still keep moving forward. And thats because this idea of being perfect just isnt realisticnot for us as adults, or for our kids, as we all navigate our very imperfect world.

Until now, though, theres never been a parenting book devoted to teaching parents to lighten up as a way of getting more out of their kids. So thats why I wrote Untying Parent Anxiety: 18 Myths That Have You in KnotsAnd How to Get Free as a resource that reminds parents to set the bar at a reasonable height for their kids. Because if they set it too high from the get-go, their kids will never have a shot at clearing it.

Along with Dave, my husband of almost twenty-five years, Ive weathered every stage of parenthood, from finding that little red plus sign on the pregnancy test to sending my oldest off to college. And Im still standing. And so are our kids. And what Ive learned through it all is that life especially parenting is never the straight line we imagine it to be when were starting out. Instead, parenting is an uneven road, pitted with oversized sinkholes and full of detours we never expect. But its also one helluva beautiful ride. We just need to accept that were not going to be perfect parents and our kids arent going to be perfect kids. And thats okay, because were not supposed to be. Because by giving our kids the tools to accept failure, we can actually do more to help unlock their true potential than youd ever imagine.