Carolyn Rosenblatt - The Family Guide to Aging Parents: Answers to Your Legal, Financial, and Healthcare Questions

PRAISE FOR THE FAMILY GUIDE TO AGING PARENTS

The Family Guide to Aging Parents is a helpful and practical resource for family caregivers and professionals. Written by an experienced geriatric nurse and elder-law attorney, it offers useful health care and legal information and I recommend it for students, professionals, and the many families grappling with these challenging issues.

GARY SMALL, MD, Author, Professor of Psychiatry and Aging, Director of the Longevity Center at UCLA

Carolyn Rosenblatt has written a crucial guidebook for the millions of Americans who are dealing with the unfamiliar challenge of helping aging parents live safely and with dignity. Through a combination of practical tips and instructive true-life stories gathered during her years as a nurse, lawyer, and now family mediator, Carolyn provides smart advice on everything from getting Dad to give up the car keys, to talking to parents about their finances, to protecting them from elder abuse.

JANET NOVACK, Personal Finance Editor & Washington Bureau Chief, Forbes Media

My suggestion to patients, families and loved ones is this: when you find a reliable source of information, buy it, use it, share it, and keep it handy. This book is a timely and powerful information source to fill a need as to where to go and get help. Knowledge is power. This book is a source of power for Americans as we age ourselves and assist our loved ones.

ELAINE G. SWENSON, MPH, BSN, RN

Ms. Rosenblatts Family Guide to Aging Parents brings great insight and deep personal caring to matters concerning the elderly. She has extensive background in difficult elder law matters including dementia, elder abuse, and fighting amongst family members, and I have worked with her on several of these. She is able to apply her experience and compassion from her work as a registered nurse to her practical book.

ELIOT M. LIPPMAN, ESQ., elder law attorney

Copyright 2015 by Carolyn Rosenblatt

All rights reserved.

Published by Familius LLC, www.familius.com

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Library of Congress Catalog-in-Publication Data

2014959238

Paperback ISBN 978-1-939629-57-9

Hardcover 978-1-942672-73-9

Ebook ISBN 978-1-942672-00-5

Edited by Michele Robbins and Lindsay Sandberg

Cover Design by David Miles

Book Design by Brooke Jorden

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

This book is dedicated to the memory of my grandmother, Louise Blondeau Crum , a remarkably intelligent, kind, and supportive influence in my life. She was my saving grace many times over, and her guidance and support got me through so many difficult times. She aged well and was fully engaged in her community until she stopped driving in her eighties. She was an RN, and I am sure that was a big reason why I decided to become a nurse. Influenced by my grandmother, I have loved working with older people since I was a child. Her legacy has inspired me to help others.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

No book comes to life without the help and input of others. For me, a lot of technical help came from my loving husband of thirty-two years, Dr. Mikol Davismy partner, my IT guy, and my friend. He offered his wisdom, perspective, and help with all things. If my computer froze or I couldnt find the draft, he was there to retrieve it, bless him. If I wanted a psychologists perspective, he gave it. I owe him a great deal in bringing this book to life.

In addition, I sincerely thank Ben Bernstein, PhD, psychologist, performance coach, and author of The Workbook for Test Success . He suggested connecting with Familius, our publisher for this book. Without him, I would not have known about them and their many contributions to families everywhere.

Finally, I acknowledge the countless clients who have sought my advice and counsel, pouring out their hearts and sharing their difficulties and successes with me. Each of you has taught me so much. I have taken some of your stories and woven them into this work, hoping that what you have taught me will, in turn, help others get through their challenges with greater confidence.

INTRODUCTION

T his book came to be as a result of a transition. My own personal and professional changes were the motivations that caused me to want to write the book.

After I had worked as a nurse and then as a lawyer, I transitioned out of law practice to become a mediator and consultant. The consulting work began to occupy a larger part of my time. I noticed that many of the clients I saw with aging parents had similar problems. The questions began to reveal certain themes: Worries about finances, relationships, and where and how to best care for aging loved ones. There were issues about older parents reluctant to give up driving, despite the safety issues their adult children saw. Clients asked what their legal obligations were to their parents and what their parents legal rights were, especially to refuse help. Adult children were overwhelmed with the extensive amount of information on the Internet, from legal sites to caregiver sites to questions about how to pay for care. Seeing these trends, I thought it would be good to write down some of the things clients and I talked over.

My husband, Mikol Davis, a clinical psychologist and my partner at AgingParents.com, encouraged me to put my answers to client questions in writing. Often, he and I worked together, particularly with clients who were in the midst of family conflict. His insights and forty years of professional experience in providing mental health services were and continue to be invaluable in assisting adult children to solve their problems and meet their challenges with aging loved ones and with siblings. His input was also helpful when the person seeking advice was the elder. Together, we came up with more ideas and suggestions than either of us could have done alone. And, as it happens after thirty-two years of marriage, we work well together.

I also recognized that some prospective clients could not afford private consultations about their loved ones or family issues. I wanted to make as much basic information available to them as I could, without their having to pay attorneys fees for consultations. So, Mikol and I talked it over, and I began to write. From time to time I asked for his advice about many of the issues I address in this book. It truly is a combination of healthcare, legal, and emotional health advice for families with aging loved ones. The first edition of this book came out in 2008. As time went by, I learned a lot more about client stories and about writing itself. I had become a blogger by 2010, and writing for Forbes.com also taught me a great deal about those who were in the reading audience, as comments on various posts came in. When I found out about Familius as a possible publisher for an improved edition of my writing, I knew it was a good fit.

You will see a strong message throughout this book to plan ahead to avoid some of the worst outcomes I have seen with adult children and aging parents. No one needs more stress in life, and planning can help you avoid it.