Joy Browne - Getting Unstuck: 8 Simple Steps to Solving Any Problem

Also by Dr. Joy Browne

Dating for Dummies

The Field Experience (contributor)

Its a Jungle Out There, Jane

The Nine Fantasies That Will Ruin Your Life
(and the Eight Realities that Will Save You)

Nobodys Perfect:

How to Stop Blaming and Start Living

The Used Car Game

Why They Dont Call When They Say They Will

All of the above are available at your local bookstore,
or may be ordered by visiting:

Hay House USA: www.hayhouse.com
Hay House Australia: www.hayhouse.com.au
Hay House UK: www.hayhouse.co.uk
Hay House South Africa: orders@psdprom.co.za

Copyright 2002 by Joy Browne

Published and distributed in the United States by : Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100 Phone: (760) 431-7695 or (800) 654-5126 Fax: (760) 431-6948 or (800) 650-5115 www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by : Hay House Australia Ltd., 18/36 Ralph St., Alexandria NSW 2015 Phone: 612-9669-4299 Fax: 612-9669-4144 www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by : Hay House UK, Ltd. Unit 202, Canalot Studios 222 Kensal Rd., London W10 5BN Phone: 44-20-8962-1230 Fax: 44-20-8962-1239 www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by : Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd., P.O. Box 990, Witkoppen 2068 Phone/Fax: 2711-7012233 orders@psdprom.co.za Distributed in Canada by : Raincoast 9050 Shaughnessy St., Vancouver, B.C. V6P 6E5 Phone: (604) 323-7100 Fax: (604) 323-2600

Design: Julie Davison

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews without prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Browne, Joy
Getting unstuck: 8 simple steps to solving any problem / Joy Browne.
p. cm.
ISBN 1-56170-946-8 (hardcover) ISBN 1-4019-0057-7 (tradepaper)
1. Problem solving. I. Title.
BF449 .B76 2002
153.43dc21

2002003502

ISBN 1-4019-0057-7

06 05 04 03 6 5 4 3
1st printing, August 2002

3rd printing, September 2003

Printed in the United States of America

CONTENTS

Introduction

Interactions

About the Author

Please note:

All of the stories and case studies in this book are true.
All names have been changed for confidentiality purposes.

assume at this moment that youre going to read the entire book that follows. Youll be thoughtful, fair, open-minded and youll be convinced that you truly want to become unstuck and get on with your life. But, if by some chance, someone you barely know or like bought you this book and you really enjoy being stuck, Im willing to help you do with your life as you please, even though I dont agree with your decision. So, if you want to be stuck, Ill teach you how to be really, really stuckwere talking major adherence herein 13 simple, self-defeating steps.

1. Look for someone to blame. By blaming, youll always be looking over your shoulder, stuck in the past. Make blame crucial to your life. Dont be shy. Be willing to blame everyoneyour parents, ex-lovers, kids, bosses, and high school classmates. Blame your height, weight, color of your hair, country of origin, neighborhood, ethnicity, shoe size, diet, and the fact that you didnt get a pony when you were seven. Blaming, by definition, means youre forever stuck in the past, which will make you feel safeunhappy, but safe.

2. Host frequent pity parties for yourself, ensuring that your blame is always fresh and active. Who needs stale blame? Make sure you share with everyone (from your co-workers to complete strangers at airports, grocery stores, and bus stops) how really lousy your life is and how youre the victim of a universal conspiracy.

3. Never listen to anybody. Other opinions? Ha! Theyre only going to confuse you! You know how m rable you want to be. Dont let anybody encroach on that. People may want to talk you out of it, offer a logical explanation, an escape plan, or worst of all, their own tale of woe. Ignore them.

4. Use words such as never and always. Coulda, woulda, shoulda are also helpful in staying stuck. Not only will they bolster, feed, and nourish the misery quotient, these words will also make it virtually impossible for anyone to disagree. And if some smart aleck does dare to offer a counterexample, remember the previous lesson: Never listen to anybody.

5. Rely on the If you loved me, youd know method of communication. In other words, never give information to the enemy (anyone who disagrees with you). However, if some rascal uses this on you, point out to them that youre not a mind reader (swearing is always appropriate here)! Together, this one-two punch will ensure rotten communication and enable you to continue feeling victimized.

6. Make any problem an obstacle. Combine small problems into big ones, and big ones into giant, unsolvable monsters. For example, if you wake up with a headache, assume that its brain cancer contracted from a tainted water supply due to your mothers negligence and a money-grubbing doctor who missed the early symptomsall of which assures you an early, untimely, lonely, imminent death. And if some lout tries to bring you an aspirin suggesting a hangover, remember lesson #3.

7. Assume often and negatively, making yourself as miserable as possible. Make sure to always include the basicsthat nobody likes or understands you, that nobody has ever had it as bad as you, and that everyone is out to get you.

8. Try to be in control of all situations at all times. All other people are nincompoops who will only hurt you if given half a chance. You have to make sure that youre