Joy Browne - Dating Disasters and How to Avoid Them

Also by Dr. Joy Browne

Dating for Dummies

The Field Experience (contributor)

Getting Unstuck (available from Hay House)

Its a Jungle Out There, Jane

The Nine Fantasies That Will Ruin Your Life
(and the Eight Realities that Will Save You)

Nobodys Perfect: How to Stop Blaming and Start Living

The Used Car Game

Why They Dont Call When They Say They Will

Please visit Hay House USA: www.hayhouse.com
Hay House Australia: www.hayhouse.com.au
Hay House UK: www.hayhouse.co.uk
Hay House South Africa: orders@psdprom.co.za

Copyright 2005 by Joy Browne

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100 Phone: (760) 431-7695 or (800) 654-5126 Fax: (760) 431-6948 or (800) 650-5115 www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd., 18/36 Ralph St., Alexandria NSW 2015 Phone: 612-9669-4299 Fax: 612-9669-4144 www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd. Unit 62, Canalot Studios 222 Kensal Rd., London W10 5BN Phone: 44-20-8962-1230 Fax: 44-20-8962-1239 www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd., P.O. Box 990, Witkoppen 2068 Phone/Fax: 27-11-706-6612 orders@psdprom.co.za Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast 9050 Shaughnessy St., Vancouver, B.C. V6P 6E5 Phone: (604) 323-7100 Fax: (604) 323-2600

Design: Jenny Richards

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews without prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Browne, Joy.

Dating disasters and how to avoid them / by Joy Browne.

p. cm.

ISBN 1-4019-0524-2 (hardcover) ISBN 1-4019-0525-0 (tradepaper) 1. Dating (Social customs) 2. Men Psychology. 3. Man-woman relationships. I. Title.

HQ801.B8678 2005

646.77dc22

2004005756

Hardcover ISBN 13: 978-1-4019-0524-8
Hardcover ISBN 10: 1-4019-0524-2
Tradepaper ISBN 10: 1-4019-0525-0
Tradepaper ISBN 13: 978-1-4019-0525-5

08 07 06 05 5 4 3 2
1st printing, January 2005
2nd printing, April 2005

Printed in the United States of America

To:

Those who believe that
the phrase dating disasters
is redundant.

Those who hope like crazy
that its not.

This ones for you.

Contents

P eople will tell us everything we need to know about them in the first 15 minutesmost of us just dont pay any attention to the information we get. The most extreme case of this disastrous tendency (the ignoring, not the communicating) is when were dating. In addition to the stress and excitement of meeting and reacting to a stranger with potential romantic interest, were busy presenting who we want to come off as: likable, lovable, cute, sexy, and sane. We see less of who the other people are because were so nervous about who we are.

Dating would be ever so much easier if everybody had their own agenda tattooed on their chest (or at least emblazoned on a T-shirt). Thus, wed easily be able to watch out for Playboy looking for a good time, Career woman who needs an escort but doesnt want children, Needy doormat seeks father figure, or Titan of the universe desires arm candy. Unfortunately, what were shown is a bit more subtle. Nevertheless, Im going to teach you how to read people as if everybody was walking around with who they are and what they want printed out for all to see. As far as Im concerned, you can still ignore the information if you want to, but at least youll know how to access it if you choose to.

Dating Disasters is actually a double entendre: First of all, you can certainly date a disaster, but even if the guy isnt a mess, you can make any dating situation a disaster all by yourself. Usually when I write a book about relationships, I spend lots of time explaining how to avoid potentially heart-breaking situations, but in this book, Ill tell you how to find and guarantee them. So, if you want to make sure that youll always be alone on Christmas or have some dude borrow and never repay serious money from you, Ive got the perfect guy for you.

Are you looking for a shiftless layabout so that youre always the one paying the bills, or a spineless Mamas boy? Together, well find you one to cherish. In other words, Im going to teach you exactly how you can wreck your love life, if you so desire. Ill help you identify men who will depress you, abandon you, and demean you, as well as show you where and how to spot them. In case you dont think you can find guys to break your heart on your own, not to worryDr. Joy is here to help you find someone who will stomp on it, BBQ it, and eat it for breakfast.

So, Part I of this handy little guide outlines how to spot a disaster in the wild. To begin, Ive adopted the gimmick that we can actually decode the personal ad of a certain type of guy. How a man describes himself is consistent with how hell present himself to you, so youll learn how to spot the ones who will make you miserablethat way, you can scope out and identify the bait they toss out, and observe them in their natural habitats. Next, Ill outline the advantages and disadvantages of each guy and the best way to deal with him, and lead you through the most likely scenario of the dudes routines and modus operandi. Finally, youll learn both what to do and what not to do if, once youve got him, youre determined to lose (or keep) him.

What if youre not into terminal masochismis there anyone out there for you? The answer, of course, is yes. Ill show you exactly how to identify a good guyone whos worked out his issues with his parents, has been out of any serious relationship for at least a year, and has the same philosophy on children that you have (either he wants them if you do or he doesnt if you dont)so that you and he can then have a Velcro relationship, with as many points in common as possible.

However, if youd prefer to destroy even the best of relationships, Parts II and III will outline procedures you should follow to ensure a dating disaster. Youll also get to take me with you on that first date: Ill be your eyes, sharpening your gaze and honing your perceptions.