Dominick Domasky - The Unofficial Guide to Fatherhood

This book is dedicated to all the fathers out there making the effort to have a positive impact on the lives of their children.

Dominick Domasky

Preface

W hy did I ask eight fathers to help me write a book on parenting? Because I needed the help.

Theres no manual to being a parent and theres no right way to do it. Realizing the magnitude of this project and understanding that I am not a perfect dad, I had to look to others for guidance. But whom?

Many dads were qualified to join me in this undertaking. However, in a world of hashtags, school shootings, and child overindulgence, my approach was to first reach out to a few fathers that have inspired me. Each father I picked is passionate and a strong man of character that I have turned to in my life for fatherly advice. I knew we would need more dads for this task, so I asked these noble men to reach out to fathers that had inspired them. Each of the men quickly came back with a father who met the description and our project was born.

As you read this book you will discover all types of relationships between fathers and their children. My eyes were opened by these gentlemen and the passionate stories they submitted for this book. Not all of the authors in this work had great relationships with their fathers; however, they all admit to being better dads to their children because of their experiences. In fact, some of the authors hardly knew or had rarely felt their fathers love. Reading the early submissions of chapters from the members of this project I learned of the addiction, grief, and pain in their families and I was reminded of what I already knew: Im lucky to have the dad I have. My dad did the best he could to give me the tools and lay the foundation for me to succeed. Now, its my job to take those tools and build myself into the best father I can be for my children.

As I journey through fatherhood, I strive to be the best dad I can be, and in spite of being from different backgrounds, families, faiths, and cultures, youll see us fathers in this book are not all that different. We each aspire to be the best fathers we can be. Because of this project, the dads who wrote the pages of this book will be forever united. However, long before the idea of sharing these pages and creating a guide for fathers to use as a tool for parenting was conceived, we already shared a common bond with each other and the majority of the fathers around the world: an unconditional love for our children and the wish that they are healthy and happy.

As fathers, our greatest accomplishment will not be the pages of books we have written, likes on our social media updates, or statistics from games we played. They wont look back and honor our ranking reports from the jobs which made up our careers. When we are gone few will care about the amount of zeros in our bank accounts (or lack thereof). What will matter most is the gift we will leave the world. The one that we loved the most and was closest to our hearts; our children .

Dr. Joey Faucette

Introduction

O nce upon a time, in a land that seems far, far away, you were a child. Not just a little adult. You were a child.

And as hard as it might be for you to believe, you heard Love You! so much each day that it may have been one of the first sentences you spoke. You lived from your heart.

From your heart, you reached up for a hand to hold. Every time you reached up, there was a hand that met yours, that embraced yours; that warmed yours. It was like you held the hand of God.

So with a heart full of love and a hand to hold, you found it easy to be good and to use your hands to be good to others. You treated others like you wanted to be treated and were mystified when some kids didnt. You wanted to help others.

As a good child, rooted by your heart full of love and guided by a hand to hold, your attitude was positive and realistic. You learned that cars run over even good boys and girls when they walk out in the street without looking both ways. So you decided it was best to look both ways not just at intersections of streets, but at crossroads in life. Other children were different from you, but that was okay because they were kids, too. You looked both ways, not just your way.

With your attitude looking both ways, your heart overflowing with love, and a hand to hold, guiding you down the good paths of life, your spirit jumped for joy when it was playtime. You knew that to enjoy playtime, you had to play nice. So you did and you shared your love, and held the other kids hands, and treated them the way you wanted to be treated, and always looked both ways before crossing the street especially with friends.

Then something happened.

You grew up.

You decided you didnt want to be a child anymore.

You had to act grown up.

You left behind your lessons learned and sat at the feet of a new teacher. This new teacher taught you that revenge is stronger than love, and only the weak hold hands. You learned that good is relative so get all the goods from your relatives and friends that you can. You bought the lie that attitude is supposed to strike fear in the hearts of your competition and since life is a competition, playing nice is for sissies. So you bottled up your spirit and said, Lead or get out of the way, because Im coming through.

You lived that way for a while. But now something else has happened to you. Something that prompted you to pick up this book.

The new teachers lessons have left you joyless, restless, and heartless; distressed, dissatisfied, and despairing; unhappy, uncomfortable, and uncaring. You dont enjoy playing by the new teachers lessons anymore, just making a living. You know theres more, but where? You want to make a life, but how?

Please know that youre not alone.

Your story is our story. Thats how we know it so well.

And thats why we wrote this book. We found ourselves living the lie that we as men who are fathers must have all the answers, make it on our way with no help, and have our way at all costs. Our critical, spiritual condition affected us physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially...

... until we came to our senses and chose to make a life. We discovered that the pathway of our healing and wholeness ran through lifes obstacle course to a finish line of becoming a child again.

Now dont think for a second we just sat down and thought of this one day. We wish we were that smart, but were not.

We learned this different way to run life from our children. We observed that growing down, away from our testosteronedriven, maniacal arrogance, to a childlike stance was the road to making a real life, not just a living when we had our children. At first, we saw them as projects, little adults to be shaped and molded into mirror images of ourselves. Pretty soon though, we figured out these incredible children are their own persons with indomitable spirits capable of teaching us a great dealif we let them.

The roles were reversed. The students became the teachers. And we discovered the ultimate joy of fatherhood.

Our journeys took a decided turn down, all the way down to becoming a child again. Not to being childish, even though we are sometimes, but childlike. Theres a huge difference and youll discover it from our stories.

Each section of this book represents our personal mile markers, that when read together, create a most marvelous trek through the hills and valleys, mountains and wetlands known as fatherhood. Draw your own lessons from our stories, and yet know that they are what keep us moving forward each day toward becoming the husbands and fathers we are intended to be.