Susan Donnellan - Secrets to Parenting Without Giving a F^ck: The Non-Conformist Playbook to Raising Happy Kids Without Public Meltdowns, Power Struggles, & Punishments

SECRETS TO PARENTING WITHOUT GIVING A F^CK

The Non-Conformist Playbook to Raising Happy Kids Without Public Meltdowns, Power Struggles, & Punishments

SUE DONNELLAN

Copyright 2020 by Sue Donnellan

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. Printed in the United States of America.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

Illustration : Colleen Davis, www.IntentionalBranding.com

Author Photo: Ampersand Studios, Boise ID

Indexer: Meridith Murray

Ask Mom Publishing, LLC.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

In Loving Gratitude To :

My spectacular husband Tim,

My inspirational children: Matt, Kelly, Scott, & Derek

&

My cherished parents

Acknowledgements

Three years ago, in the midst of chasing my tail with four teenagers, creativity specialist Sandra Cavanaugh began helping me pull this book out from the depths of my soul. The words thank you will never be enough. Your brilliance, intuitiveness, and pure love shine through every word. You empowered me to put my life's purpose on paper and Ill forever be grateful.

There are many talented people who took a chance on a new writer by deciding to work with me anyway. This book would not have become all I envisioned and hoped it would be without these gifted professionals: Katie McCoach, Michelle Kulp, Lisa Florenzen, Colleen Davis, Janice Harper, and Rachel VanDyken. Special thank you to all my clients, the frustrated parents who allowed me to guide them through stressful, chaotic times, emerging triumphant on the other side of their parenting overwhelm.

Last, but never least, my family who lovingly taught me the life lessons I needed to learn so I could share them with the world and help others. Your honesty has been my greatest gift.

Foreword

We are all products of our upbringing and the belief systems that have been embedded in us from our own parents and society. Even though most of us have the best intentions when parenting our kids, we still get to the point where weve run out of our own ideas to solve a problem and wed just like to know what else to do.

Secrets to Parenting Without Giving a F^ck prepared me for how to handle my kids challenging behavior before it even happens. Sue Donnellan provides an amazing resource to tap into when you're feeling that you need advice from that friend, whose opinion and advice you trust the most.

Taking time to pause and read Sues invaluable tried and true systems will save you not only time but the heartache, stress, and the frustration of feeling helpless and ineffective with your own children. (It works for husbands too!)

Sues unique perspective gives us a plethora of new ideas, with a no BS approach that is results oriented. Each section had more golden nuggets than the last and the more I read the more hooked I became. Who doesnt want results!?

Some of the most essential topics of parenting are tackled: eliminating yelling and guilt, being a role model, shedding parenting patterns that arent working, and empowering your children and yourself to make decisions quickly and effectively. Sue helped me to find a way to organize my thoughts so I could get my life and household set up like a well-oiled machine. This more harmonious environment has helped my family thrive because when mommy is happy, life is a lot easier for all of us! Everyone in my life will forever thank Sue for introducing me to these methods.

Practical strategies are laid out in a step-by-step manner through personal stories and self-reflective insights. I learned that one of the most effective ways to influence our kids is by always setting an example as their role model and Sue shows you just how to do that. By learning the right mix of guidance and letting go, we create a fun, functional, and inspiring environment for our kids. The irony is, its because we actually do give a f^ck!

Im excited to introduce this book to you because it affirms the results my husband and I achieved by doing our best and being open to learning and evolving, as well as the values my parents showed me unconditional love and mutual respect. I learned endless valuable lessons from my parents. I learned what to do, along with a bit of what not to do (even though I feel bad saying that because my mom will read this.) Relax, Mom. The What not to dos were mostly from Dad!

The guiding principles of parenting that my husband and I believe in are to raise kids we like, to help them embrace their unique talents, and to teach them to show respect and kindness for others. Lastly, its so important to have fun and not take things too seriously. In that same spirit, Secrets to Parenting Without Giving a F^ck delivers the playbook to parenting our kids into adulthood. The foundation my husband and I are creating has been enhanced tenfold after being connected with Sue, and for that we will be eternally grateful.

Lana Gomez Maniscalco, Artist, Wife, Mom of two, Creative Director, Whats Wrong With People, Inc.

How Did I Get Here?

Im Never Having Kids.

How does someone who never wanted kids end up writing a parenting book?

During my youth, and Im talking from 5 25 years old, the thought of being someones mother wasunthinkable! My friends wouldnt have described me as warm and fuzzy around kids, either. I wasnt the sort of person youd see bending down and coochie-cooing with babies or asking to hold a newborn.

In fact, most of my friends knew not to trust me around kids. Take, for example, while on a date at Pizza Hut in my teens, I stuck my foot out and tripped some ankle biters whose parents let them run rampant around the restaurant. I felt as though I needed to do my small part to teach those kids what their parents hadnt. Stay in your seat and be respectful while dining. No one wants hear, see, or trip over out of control kids.

Even when I babysat, I moved the clocks ahead and convinced the little ones I let them stay up late. Hurry! Get to sleep so your parents dont find out I let you stay awake past bedtime. Once safely tucked into their beds, my boyfriends feet hit the pedals of his bike, making haste to the house. Yes, I was every parents nightmare.

Born the youngest in a family with an older brother, I had no experience with kids and didnt want any! Watching parents struggle to corral their kids, begging them to behave, then going to bed in sheer exhaustion to get up and do it all again, seemed utterly thankless and mundane to me. There appeared to be no other way for parenting to exist in anyones life, other than to have children be the center of their universe. Even back then, I had an understanding that kids should not be our full identity or a direct reflection of who we are. They are their own people. Plus, I never wanted to be that needed.

Along with being anti-kid, marriage wasnt much of a draw either. Marriage looked like a prison sentence as I watched miserable couples come through my cashier line during my late teenage retail days. They argued over how much money was spent, or the husband flirted openly in front of his wife. She wore her wedding ring, he didnt. Who needed any part of that nonsense? Certainly not me. Besides, how could someone possibly be happy with the same person forever? Love? What is love, anyway? Im good on my own. Ive got this.

Given my attitudes about marriage and kids, I spent my youth loving my freedom and selfish years. Youd find me at the table having my cake and eating it, too!

Whos He?

College years were a continuation of being free spirited. So happily free, I routinely chastised my college roommate for being engaged so young. She could have wallpapered her room with Polaroids (it was the 80s) of me making gag gestures while holding up her