Tina Tessina - Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage

This book is dedicated to my husband,
Richard N. Sharrard, who inspires and teaches
me every day of our lives together.
Happy 25th anniversary!

STRUGGLE:
Different Money Attitudes

SITUATION:
Emotion about Difference

SOLUTION:
Using Business Skills at Home

STRUGGLE:
Money Styles

SITUATION:
Pool Finances or Not?

SOLUTION:
Money Talks

STRUGGLE:
Planning vs. Spontaneity

SITUATION:
Different Attitudes Lead to Stalemate

SOLUTION:
Problem Solving

STRUGGLE:
Withdrawal

SITUATION:
Rejection and Disappointment Create Withdrawal

SOLUTION:
Develop Transitions and Increase Intimacy

STRUGGLE:
Satisfaction and Frequency

SITUATION:
Different Sexual Needs

SOLUTION:
Developing Trust

STRUGGLE:
Dishonesty, Jealousy, Temptation, and Trust

SITUATION:
Secrecy, Fantasy, and Denial

SOLUTION:
Repairing Damaged Trust

STRUGGLE:
Infidelity

SITUATION:
Broken Trust

STRUGGLE:
To Have Children or Not

SITUATION:
Life-Changing Decision

SOLUTION:
Understanding Each Other

STRUGGLE:
Having a Baby Ruined Our Relationship

SITUATION:
Overwhelmed

SOLUTION:
Get Information and Support

STRUGGLE:
Discipline, Punishment, and Parenting Styles

SITUATION:
Are Our Responsibilities Fair?

SOLUTION:
Write It Down

STRUGGLE:
Parenting Rules and Styles

SITUATION:
Many Different Strategies

SOLUTION:
Find a Common Ground

STRUGGLE:
Clash of Faith

SITUATION:
Religion More Important for Parents

SOLUTION:
Creative Blending

STRUGGLE:
Blended Families and Stepparenting

SITUATION:
Different Styles

SOLUTION:
Family Meetings and Transitions

Why did you pick up Money, Sex, and Kids? Your interest in this book says you are married, you recognized some issues that have challenged your own marriage, and youre looking for help, information, and solutions. Above all, youre looking for a book that is written for women and men who repeatedly struggle with the same issuessex, money, and children. In over thirty years of couples counseling, I have frequently worked with couples who fight about family, whos right, housekeeping issues, and time. They often resort to yelling and blaming. In these pages, you will find the solutions I have developed to eliminate these fights. This book will teach you what you need to know to build the healthy, loving partnership you want. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of clear thinking, problem solving, and mutual support. Any willing couple can learn to build a happy relationship if they stop reacting and learn to respond thoughtfully.

As an individual you have ideas and beliefs about how certain things in life should be handled and so does your partner, and we all tend to assume everyone, especially a person who loves us, will see it our way. While dating, you two may have felt that you agreed with each other on everything. But after you married, things changed. You were probably shocked when you realized the object of your affections, your dream come true, the Prince or Princess Charming you fell in love with, had different ideas about how life, love, home, finances, and children should be handled.

In my practice over the years, Ive spent many hours teaching couples the techniques and information that will allow them to communicate and solve problems, rather than fight endlessly about the same things. In twenty-five years of marriage, Ive also learned from my own experience that theres a big difference between the skills and attitudes needed to date and fall in love and what is needed to make married life work smoothly. Theres a difference between being lovers and being partners, and on top of all that, keeping enough romance and fun alive to make it all feel worthwhile. Those of us who succeed are the blessed ones, the happy ones, and you can be, too.

In this book, youll learn to view your relationship as a partnership, rather than a challenge or a competition, and youll discover new ways to think about sharing and working together to make all your decisions about money, sex, and kids mutual ones. With a little information and practice, you can become a successful, happy couple. The point of this book is to show you how to create a partnership that will cause you to feel blessed and happy.

Chapter 1 is an overview of why couples argue to give you an idea of what were going to cover in the remaining chapters. The next three chapters have a brief introduction and then present the main issues that create conflict about money, sex, or kids. Each subject is divided into the main issues about the chapter topic, and each issue is presented with a section called Struggle which introduces the problem and gives a case history of a couple who are arguing about it. The next section, called Situation describes how and why this couple, and couples in general, fights about the topic. A third, Solution, section presents the way to solve the problems and resolve the conflict. You will be able to read the book cover to cover for a thorough discussion and presentation of all the problems, or skip around and find whichever problems are most prevalent in your relationship. By understanding the reasons behind your arguments, and implementing the solutions, you can move from struggle to solution in your own marriage.

From chapter 5 through the rest of the book, youll learn to understand why you and your partner argue and the remaining skills you need to enhance your relationship and transform your struggles into working together to create a smoothly working partnership.

With this book, youll be able to resolve your issues about money, sex, and kids, and move on to having a workable, satisfying relationship, with minimal or no arguing or fighting.

How often have you heard yourself and your spouse make these complaints about each other:

• You dont listen.
• You spend too much money.
• You never want to have sex.
• Youre always at work; you never come home to spend time with the family.
• Youre too harsh with the kids.
• You let the kids do whatever they want.

If you and your spouse are fighting about or struggling with these issues, you are not alone. In my counseling practice, I see many couples, much like you, voicing these complaints over and over.

In every marriage, the main struggles are similar: Like you, other couples also fight about money, sex, and kids, with fights about territory, power, and other people following close behind. If youre feeling tense, worried, stressed, upset, at your wits end, and wanting help because you and your partner are fighting about these issues, youll find help in these pages. Whether youre newly married or married for a long time; in your first, second, or even third marriage; with kids, planning kids, or with step-kids; and no matter what level of economic status from just getting by to wealthyyoull find the information and techniques you need here.