Howard J. Markman - Fighting for Your Marriage

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Markman, Howard, date.

Fighting for your marriage : a deluxe revised edition of the classic best seller for enhancing marriage and preventing divorce / Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg. 3rd ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-470-48591-0 (pbk.)

1. Marriage. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Interpersonal communication. I. Stanley, Scott, date. II. Blumberg, Susan L., date. III. Title.

HQ734.M347 2010

646.78dc22

2009051934

To Mom and Dad: Your support, caring, love, and fifty-eight-plus years of marriage (and having all my books in your house!) have been an inspiration to me

To Mat and Leah: You two have been the centerpiece of my life, and I am so proud of you both

To Marcie: Our love, fun, laughter, and friendship have enhanced all aspects of my lifeI love our relationship

HJM

To Nancy, for your love and kindness through the years entwined

To Kyle and Luke, for the sheer joy you bring

To Mom and Dad, for believing in me, always

SMS

To my parents, for their love, attention, and support

To Aviva and Natan for the joy they bring me

To Lewis, who makes everything possible

SLB

Acknowledgments

The PREP approach, as presented in this book, is built upon the strong shoulders of researchers of marriage and family relationships from many fields. In particular, the work of the following individuals has been influential in aspects of our work: Elizabeth Allen, Paul Amato, Dave Atkins, Don Baucom, Steven Beach, Tom Bradbury, Vernon Call, Andy Christensen, Mari Clements, James Cordova, Brian Doss, Robert Emery, Norm Epstein, Frank Fincham, Frank Floyd, Peter Fraenkel, Norevell Glenn, John Gottman, Bernard Guerney, Kurt Hahlweg, Kim Halford, Alan Hawkins, Tim Heaton, Chris Heavey, Rick Heyman, Amy Holtzwoth-Monroe, Jill Hooley, Ted Huston, Ted Jacob, Neil Jacobson, Christine Johnson, Matt Johnson, Mike Johnson, Danielle Julian, Ben Karney, Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, Lawrence Kurdek, Kris Lindahl, Annette Mahoney, Wendy Manning, Gayla Margolin, Sherrod Miller, Peter Neidig, Steve Nock, Pat Noller, Clifford Notarius, Dan OLeary, Theodora Ooms, Gerald Patterson, Jane Pearson, Lydia Prado, Galena Rhoades, Caryl Rusbult, Matt Sanders, Walter Schumm, Ben Silliman, Pam Smock, Doug Snyder, Bernard Spilka, Martha Wadsworth, Linda Waite, Robert Weiss, Sarah Whitton, and Ev Worthington. This is only a partial list, for the complete listing would be a chapter unto itself. It is the work of people such as these that has so greatly informed our efforts to help couples.

We also acknowledge those who have worked with us to develop other books for couples based on our approach: David and Claudia Arp, Milt Bryan, Joel Crohn, Pamela Jordan, Janice Levine, Savanna McCain, Daniel Trathen, and Keith Whitfield. Savanna McCain and Daniel Trathen have been making substantial contributions to this body of work for many years now.

We cannot thank the PREP staff enough for their ongoing support in the effort to reach couples with evidence-based materials. Natalie Jenkins, vice president of PREP, Inc., has brought great drive, energy, and creativity to the task of disseminating this approach to couples around the world. Having solid material that can help couples is one thing; getting it to couplesand those who work to help couplesis quite another, and Natalie leads the staff in making this happen. We have a wonderful and talented team working with us at PREP.

Over the years, weve been excited to work with all the branches of our U.S. armed forces. Bill Coffin, in particular, has been a true visionary in his efforts to support prevention efforts for building strong marriages in both military and civilian communities. He has been an especially potent force in helping bring evidence-based materials to couples throughout the U.S. military services, beginning with the U.S. Navy in the early 1990s. He saw a need and looked for ways to meet it.

Another person who deserves special noticeand who has our deep respectis Chaplain Glen Bloomstrom of the U.S. Army. Glen has been a tireless leader in bringing PREP training to Army families through the work of the chaplain corps. In the Army, Navy, and Air Force, weve been privileged to get to know and work with hundreds of chaplains who go the extra mile in reaching and supporting the lives of these fine men and women. In particular, we are very appreciative of the great work accomplished by Chaplains Ron Thomas and Pete Frederich. Weve also been delighted to work with Family Advocacy, a group that works hard to help military couples prevent domestic violence in all branches of the service.

These are just a few of the people in our armed forces who have put the military services on the cutting edge of efforts to prevent marital distress and strengthen families. The military does not get nearly the credit it deserves for all these efforts, and we believe they are way ahead of the curve in terms of helping young couples.

We also thank Diane Sollee for her national efforts to put marriage education on the map. In her development of the Smart Marriages conference, she has provided a place for people from widely divergent backgrounds to join together and share knowledge, expertise, and experiences with the common goal of helping build stronger, happier, and more stable marriages. She is a good friend who shares our passion for prevention. We cannot thank our friend Gary Smalley enough for his support and encouragement in recent years. It is a rare and humble man who so freely helps others in the same field in which he works. Gary is such a man, and we are inspired by his love and his work. Finally, we thank Mary Myrick at Public Strategies in Oklahoma, whose insight, vision, and brilliance have helped numerous states implement Healthy Marriage initiatives based on empirically supported and validated curricula and have helped guide national policies. She has significantly influenced our work and is one of the people in the country whom we most value and respect.