Jodee Blanco - Bullied Kids Speak Out. We Survived—How You Can Too

We SurvivedHow You Can Too

Author of the New York Times Bestseller
Please Stop Laughing at Me...

Avon, Massachusetts

I dedicate this book to my mom, Joy Blanco, who has put up with me when absolutely no one else would or could, loved me at my best and my worst, inspired me when I was lost, made me macaroni and cheese when I was longing for comfort food, taken care of my dogs, my bunnies, my heart, my soul, and who is the most important person in my life. I love you, Mom. Thanks for all the chats.

And to

My Aunt Anne in heaven, without whom I couldnt write a word. Not a single word.

I love you, too.

Hi. Im glad youre here! If weve already met, either through one of my other books or perhaps because Ive spoken at your school, its so cool to see you again. And if this is our first time hanging out, Im happy that we found each other. I want you to know youre safe here, that youre not alone. We all understand what youre going through. When I was in school, I never thought it would get better. I can still hear my classmates laughing at me. I can still feel the sting of all those parties I never got invited to, the football games on Friday nights I longed to attend but didnt dare because I knew Id be sitting alone in the bleachers, humiliated and ashamed. Dont even get me started about what it was like in the cafeteria at lunch or in the locker room after gym class. Back then there was no Internet. When I got home from school, I was beyond lonely, but at least no one could mess with me in the sanctity of my own home on a computer or smartphone. Cyber-bullying was a monster of the future, one whose claws hadnt yet scratched, whose teeth hadnt yet bitten. Now that monster is unleashed. Its just one more way the mean kids can break your heart. I know all about feeling broken. I also know what it feels like to survive and come back stronger, smarter, and better than before. So do the kids youll be meeting here. They never gave up. Some took longer than others, and some made a lot of mistakes before getting it right, but every one of them found a way to stand up to their bullies and reclaim their lives. Not only will they give you hope that you can too, but theyll tell you exactly how they did it.

Welcome home. Its time for you to get to know everyone!

My mom found me in the barn after school trying to make a noose out of a piece of rope. She grabbed it out of my hands, screaming, Oh, my God! over and over. Would I have gone through with it if she hadnt caught me? I dont know. I was desperate. And a few weeks before, I was so happy it was crazy.

Im sixteen but everyone thinks Im older cause Im a big dudenot fat but Ive got a lot of muscles. Ive always struggled to fit in. A few kids at school are okay to me, but I also get made fun of a lot.

Theres this girl in my class. Her name is Morgan. I crushed on her since middle school. Shes got long blonde hair and awesome green eyes. It took me all semester to get up the nerve to ask her to prom. Ill never forget that day. I was so scared I almost barfed. I went up to her by her locker and just said it.

Wanna go to prom with me?

She probably only took like two seconds to answer but it felt like forever. She said, Okay, sure. It was the best moment of my whole, entire life! I started texting everybody I knew. By second period, a lot of the kids from the cool crowd, who normally looked down on me, were high-fiving me in the halls. Seriously, it was unreal. Usually I felt invisible at school. When I told my parents, they were psyched. They totally got how scary it was asking one of the most popular girls in my class to go with me. I didnt care that she was popular. I would have given anything to take her to prom no matter what. I loved who she was on the inside.

So, like, I really got into planning for this thing. I tried on about a thousand tuxedos to find the coolest one. I Googled a ton of romantic restaurants. I wanted everything to be perfect. I texted my friends with questions. They were like, Yo, dude, chill. I couldnt help it. I was tripping. My parents were even renting me a limo, and my dad bought a new camera so he could take pictures of Morgan and me all dressed up. My parents had never ridden in a limo in their lives, not even when they got hitched. I knew they really couldnt afford it, but they were so excited for me. I have the best parents on the whole planet.

Then a week before prom, Morgan bailed. She sent me a text that said she couldnt do prom with me cause she didnt want to go as someones beard. I felt like a total loser cause I didnt even know what that meant. I just texted back, Huh?

OMG dude, WTF did you expect after what you posted? her next message said.

What post? I said.

Seriously? she said. Ethan, you like came out to the whole school on FB!

Im not even on FB anymore, I said. My parents made me get off cause my grades sucked.

Whatever, she said. You know, I really did like you. You should have told me you were gay. Now I just feel like an idiot.

I kept trying to tell her it wasnt true, that it was some f___ed-up joke. I knew she didnt believe me. She texted me that her friends were all laughing at her. I was used to getting picked on. Morgan wasnt. It freaked her out. Everybody was gossiping about it. It all happened so quick. Everybody started calling me fag and homo. I wont even tell you what some asshole wrote across my locker. The same people who had high-fived me before were trashing me now behind my back. One guy spat in my food at lunch, saying fags shouldnt be allowed to eat with everyone else. I could tell some of the other kids felt bad for me, but they were too scared to say anything. I sat alone in the back of the cafeteria. I could see Morgan at her table with her friends. Some of them were still giving her sh_t. Every once in a while shed look over at me and then turn away. I never picked on the gay kids at school, but I never stuck up for them. Now I knew exactly how they felt. I wish I had said something when they were getting messed with.

By sixth period, I was so upset that I went to the nurses office and pretended to be sick so I could go home. When my mom picked me up, she knew something bad happened. That night I told my parents the whole story. Then, we went onto Facebook and found my page. I f___ing lost it. Whoever did it really knew what they were doing. Someone at school must have used their phone to take a picture of me in math class. I knew it was in math, cause I recognized the background. I started going through faces in my head, trying to figure out who hated me enough to be so mean. I was so pissed off. My page had my favorite movies, favorite music, cool stuff I did last summer on vacation. It was like I wrote it. It even sounded like me.

My parents kept calling Facebook but they couldnt get a person on the phone. It was like a nightmare only it was real. My mom called the police, the states attorneys office, the FBI, our lawyer. Everyone said lots of stuff but no one had an answer. The next morning, she called the principal for a meeting. She said it was an emergency. His secretary treated her like sh_t, told her it was anti-bullying week, and he was busy trying to get ready for the speaker who was coming, that maybe he could see them next week. Mom was pissed. She and my dad got in the car and drove over there. They told the receptionist all they needed was ten minutes with the principal. She said he was in a meeting with the superintendent but that they could wait if they wanted to. My parents sat in that office for three hours. They finally went home. Ive never seen them that mad.