Judy Murphy - Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others

On the opposite end of the spectrum is passiveness. Passive communication assumes that others will understand what you want or need, even if you dont specify those needs. Silence and assumption are the hallmarks of this style.

The key difference here is again respect . Aggressiveness is defined by a lack of respect for others, while passiveness is defined by a lack of respect for ones self. Passive people disregard their own opinions, feelings, needs, and wants. They have a habit of placing their desires below others.

Assertive people never lose sight of the idea of self-respect. They respect themselves and use their words and actions to express the boundaries of what they need and want in a calm, clear voice while maintaining a posture that conveys confidence and composure.

As with aggressiveness, passivity isnt likely to win you many friends either. Worse, it is even less likely to get you what you want. Passiveness takes away the power of a person who stays quiet or just allows others to decide what needs to happen.

Assertive people are neither submissive nor aggressively dominant. They strike a clear balance of respect for others opinions while stating their needs and wants in a way that cannot be misinterpreted. Because this style of communication is based on mutual respect, its a diplomatic way to discuss issues ranging from how you want others to treat you to how you are willing to handle conflict.

Mark Caine said, The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself. That is the premise of this book. It seeks to develop your skills as an assertive communicator to end your captivity. It will help you self-evaluate, recognize who you are and what you want, then give you simple, yet effective steps to find your voice so you can stand up for your wants and needs. Youll be better equipped to build the environment you want to live in by creating boundaries of respect for yourself while appreciating others needs and wants.

Now, there is no shortage of assertive training books on the market today. Although I believe these books have good intentions and are sincere in wanting to give beneficial advice, they fail in a major way. They provide guidance that sound good in theory, but dont translate well in the real world.

This book tackles assertiveness from a different perspective. It does not present theory or suggestions that merely make you feel good in the moment. Nor does it sugar coat issues or always take the politically correct route. It examines assertiveness from a realistic point of view and provides real guidance for real people with real challenges.