Assertiveness Training
How to Stand Up for Yourself, Boost Your Confidence, and Improve Assertive Communication Skills
Chase Hill
Copyright 2020 by Chase Hill
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Contents
Your Free Say No Checklist
Dont let the people pleasing trap you again...
Id like to give you a gift as a way of saying thanks for your purchase!
This checklist includes:
The last thing we want is for your mood to be ruined because you werent prepared.
To receive your Say No Checklist, visit the link:
www.chasehillbooks.com
If you have any difficulty downloading the checklist, contact me at , and Ill send you a copy as soon as possible.
Introduction
Sitting through one of my university lectures almost two decades ago, I couldnt figure out why there werent more subjects in life skills.
Did I really need to know the ins and outs of civil wars? Was this going to help me learn anything about myself? Would memorizing dates to pass an exam teach me to stand up for myself or help me learn to become more confident?
While struggling to memorize factual information, we were never taught vital skills that would allow us to successfully communicate and assert ourselves in the real world.
A degree or qualifications will only take you so far in life. Once you have a job or start a new relationship, it is not easy learning how to communicate in an effective way. This is something I and so many others have struggled with, which is the healthy balance between being too passive and too aggressive.
Being assertive is not a skill we are all born with. When you add this on to a shy personality, it becomes impossible to stand up for ourselves in everyday situations. Gradually, we become more and more worn down until there are significant mental and even physical health problems. We cant continue in a life that is dominated by making other people happy instead of ourselves.
You have spent your life listening to throw around comments like You need to be more confident or Go out and get what you want. Anybody who suffers from a lack of assertiveness knows that this is far from easy.
Our timid personalities lead people to think that we are lacking intelligence, whether practical or emotional. On the contrary, we are smart, hard-working, and highly skillful. Yet its those that know how to assert themselves that seem to get all the glory.
The other side of the coin is that we worry our assertiveness is going to cause others pain. I feared saying no to people because I worried they would be upset or disappointed. You stop living your life and end up feeling like a vessel for other people to use as they wish, obliged to work overtime, or sit through dreaded family dinners. It is impossible for us to show our true emotions as we are terrified of how others will react. We spend years walking on eggshells.
I spent at least ten years living like this. I was passive, and I was unable to strive for what I really wanted. I constantly said yes to things that would make others happy and didnt have a life of my own. I drifted through life with a fake passion, telling myself that I was a good person.
What hurt the most was when my brother asked his friend to be his best man over me. Unable to express how I really felt, he simply said, I knew you would be alright with it, and this was the moment I knew I had to make a change. My mind raced back to university and the lack of classes that taught assertiveness, so I became passionate about learning this skill.
This book is a combination of knowledge, exercises, and proven skills for you to start using straight away to see noticeable differences in your life. We are going to work together on understanding some of our most frequent problems surrounding assertiveness.
Experience tells us that it is our lack of confidence, fear of rejection, and guilt that prevent us from being more assertive. However, we wont play the blame game and lay fault on why standing up for ourselves is difficult. Instead, we will look at psychological reasons, but more importantly, focus on the solution.
The need to express how we feel is not limited to just one area of our lives. For this reason, it is important to dedicate time to practical advice for a whole range of situations and relationship dynamics. I am fascinated by behavioral types, and I strongly feel that understanding more about human behavior will also help you to understand the changes that you need to make.
Regardless of whether you consider life to be short or long, it is here to be enjoyed. My hope is that everyone can read this book and start to experience the joy in their lives, be that in your career, your personal relationships, or how you view the world.
We will learn how to set boundaries within our different relationships so that it becomes easier to say no. Everyone deserves the right to express themselves and to be happy, and this is what our goal will be.
Society today seems to be confused about assertiveness and this sends us mixed messages. One minute we should keep our opinions to ourselves so as not to rock the boat, the next we are told that being assertive is necessary to get what we want.
The problem is, finding the balance between being passive and being aggressive is something that we have to learn ourselves, and its okay to need some help in this area. After all, it can be rather complex.
I have been in your shoes, and I know the change is not easy. This is why I feel it is so important to share my experiences. The day I watched my brother getting married, knowing that I should have been by his side, was the last day of my old life.
I studied, I practiced, and although there were some terrifying experiences, there were also some extraordinary rewards that you too will be able to experience.
