John Adams - Assertiveness for Men: Stop Being a Pushover and Learn to Say No by Using These Proven Techniques

Assertiveness for Men

Stop Being a Pushover and Learn to Say No by Using These Proven Techniques

By

John Adams

Copyright 2018 - All rights reserved.

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Please note the information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed to present accurate, up to date, and reliable, complete information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book.

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Chapter 1:
Introduction to Communication Styles

W hat is assertiveness? It is a type of personality trait typically reflected through outward behavior and communication. A man who is assertive is one with the power to stand up for his own rights and those of others. The primary element that differentiates assertiveness from other forms of behavior and communication is the articulation of ones rights without subjugating or hurting other people in the process.

Even in the midst of an intensely conflicting argument, an assertive man will never say or do anything that offends or upsets the opposing party. In a calm and composed demeanor, he will talk about his own opinions and beliefs. Assertiveness is the perfect balance between aggression and passiveness. Therefore, assertiveness can be defined as a personality trait that empowers a man to express his opinion, beliefs, thoughts, and feelings, honestly and directly.

It is a good idea to start understanding the concept of assertiveness and how to go about building it by learning the basics about the four different primary communication styles, including:

1. Passive
2. Aggressive
3. Assertive
4. Passive-Aggressive

Passive Communication

P assive communication refers to a style in which people do not openly express their opinions, feelings, and thoughts. People with a passive communication style dont stand up and fight for their rights. They also cannot stand up for other peoples rights. Typically, passive communication is associated with low self-esteem, driven by a feeling of being useless and worthless. Passive communicators are people who think that they deserve the punishments and ill-treatment they get.

Therefore, passive communicators do not react to hurtful or angry sentiments made against them. Instead of expressing their feelings, passive communicators accumulate negativities inside themselves. However, it is not possible to hold on forever. Each of us has a threshold point, and when that point is breached, the suppressed negativities burst forth in unpleasant and even dangerous ways.

B ASHFUL Nearly all passive communicators are shy by nature and will not raise their voice to say something even if they dont like it. For example, if your boss is continuously loading you up with excess work while letting many others off, and you are not saying anything about the situation, then you are a passive communicator. Shyness prevents you from drawing attention to yourself. You simply choose to be agreeable.

Highly sensitive Almost all passive communicators are sensitive to criticism. For example, if your boss says something like, You must do something about your tardiness, and you take this statement to heart and feel sad and hurt, then you could have a passive communication style.

Self-conscious Passive communicators are self-conscious of how they come across to people. This deep sense of self-consciousness is one of the primary reasons passive communicators have difficulty expressing their opinions and feelings.

All these characteristics result in depression, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy and immaturity in passive communicators.

E XAMPLES OF TYPICAL passive communicator responses and scenarios:

• I cannot say anything to my boss; I will lose my job
• I am only smart enough for this level of work; I am not worthy of a promotion
• No one loves me; I am all alone in this world
• I cannot ask that beautiful girl out for a date because I am ugly
• You visit a restaurant, and the steak you ordered is not to your satisfaction. When the waiter asks for feedback, you tell him everything is all right

C HALLENGES FACED BY passive communicators:

• People will never care for your views and opinions
• You will be overlooked for promotions and bonuses
• You will be taken for granted, and unreasonable expectations will be placed on you
• Accumulation of undue stress and anxieties could lead to depression

Mao Zedong, the founding father of the Peoples Republic of China, said, Passivity is fatal. We aim to make our enemies passive!

Aggressive Communication

A ggressive communicators are the exact opposite of passive communicators. They voice their opinions, feelings, and thoughts so forcefully that it hurts and violates the rights of other people.