Kerpen - The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want

I had just walked a red carpet behind American Idol sensations Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard at VH1s Big in 2003 Awards, yet I felt as unhappy and unsuccessful as Id ever felt in my life. I was living in Los Angeles after a four-month appearance on the reality TV show Paradise Hotel , and on the surface youd think I was doing great. I was smack dab in the middle of fifteen minutes of fame, having appeared on thirty-one episodes of a summer network hit, and I was getting paid appearance fees of $5,000 to $10,000 just to show up at malls, nightclubs, and bars. I was attending parties with the likes of Paris Hilton, Jessica Alba, and Kathy Griffin.

I was famous and was making money, but I was miserable. I felt empty and lonely and disconnected. Los Angeles, California, is a difficult town in which to feel genuinely connected to others, and I was struggling with loneliness and depression big-time. A lack of connection to people, in turns out, is very powerful in a bad way.

The moment after walking that red carpet was the wake-up call I needed, and so I made a decision to reconnect. I took my phone out of my pocket and called the one person I wanted to reconnect with more than anyone in the world. I dialed Carries number and waited.

Two years earlier, I had met Carrie at the Radio Disney offices in Boston when she took a sales position working opposite my desk. I had been the number one salesperson in the county, until Carrie came along, that is. She dropped me to number two within three months, and we quickly became best friends even though we were rivals at work. In another three months, I had fallen madly in love with her.

There was one slight problem, however: Carrie was married at the time. What do you do when you find your soul mate and shes not available? Well, Carrie moved to New York with her husband to focus on making her marriage work, and I did what anyone with unrequited love would do: I decided to go on a reality TV show to find another soul mate.

Yup, Foxs Paradise Hotel . Filmed in a $30 million home in Acapulco, Mexico, the show featured eighteen sexy singles at a luxury resort trying to hook up or check out. And me.

Staying on the show had been a challenge for me, as I was very different from most of the model/actor cast members and they didnt like me. Yet somehow, week after week, I was able to maneuver my way out of getting voted off during the weekly elimination ceremony, and thirty-one weeks in I was still standing. I had orchestrated my way to the top through careful favor currying and relationship building with both the players (the cast) and the game makers (the producers). I somehow had gotten even people who hated me to vote for me to stay on the show and the real influencers, the producers, to drive a story line that had me there week after week, the lone nice guy on the island of pretty boys and girls.

But I was still unhappy. I missed Carrie and felt empty in my work (or lack of work) both during and in the months after the show. When I dialed that number the night after walking the red carpet in Los Angeles, I was hoping to reconnect with the one person I had met who got people better than I did.

Wow, hey, Dave, Carrie replied. Crazy to hear from you after a year of not talking and watching you on TV. What are you up to?

Im hanging out with the stars of American Idol , I said, secretly trying to maintain a semblance of pride. And you?

Im hanging out at home. Actually, Im going through a divorce right now.

Im so sorry to hear that, Carrie, I said while doing a fist pump with the hand not holding the phone. Actually, I have to be in New York to meet with my agent in two weeks, I fibbed.

Two weeks later I was on a flight to New York. One month later I was dating Carrie, and two months later I was moving to New York for her.

Since that phone call Ive been fortunate enough to enjoy eleven amazing years with Carrie by my side, blissful years that have brought me three terrific children, two very successful businesses, and two bestselling books. Although there have been obstacles, challenges, and downtimes, Ive been both happier and more successful than in my wildest dreams thanks to Carrie and the many other people Ive formed productive, fulfilling relationships with over the last ten years. Not only that, along the way Ive learned something invaluable about life, about myself, and about human beings in general: You cant achieve happiness or success in a vacuum; it all hinges on the bonds you build with the people around you.

In my first book, Likeable Social Media , I shared a blueprint for being a successful marketer navigating the fast-changing world of social media. In Likeable Business , I shared a blueprint for building a successful social business. Now its time to think bigger. Its time to think about what it takes to be successful in getting everything you want out of your career and your life. I am writing this book to share this blueprint for success with you.

Talent. Luck. Hard work. Courage. Grit. Persistence. I could go on for hours about what others say it takes to be successful. But although these things arent unimportant, what it ultimately comes down to is people. How well do you understand people, how well can you communicate with people, and how well can you get people to do what you want them to do?

People matter. More than anything, in getting what you want in your job, career, and life, the relationships you have with other people, big and small, make all the difference between a dead-end career and an empty existencelike the one that was sucking the life out of me in Los Angelesand the full life and thriving business I enjoy today.