Lara Lillibridge - 19 April

Copyright 2018 by Lara Lillibridge

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other kind, without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Lillibridge, Lara, author.

Title: Girlish: growing up in a lesbian home / Lara Lillibridge.

Description: New York: Skyhorse Publishing, [2018] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2017050453 (print) | LCCN 2017053705 (ebook) | ISBN 9781510723924 (e-book) | ISBN 9781510723917 (hardcover: alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Lillibridge, Lara. | Children of gay parentsUnited StatesBiography. | Lesbian mothersUnited StatesBiography. | FamiliesUnited StatesBiography.

Classification: LCC HQ777.8 (ebook) | LCC HQ777.8 .L55 2018 (print) | DDC 306.874086/6dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017050453

Cover photograph: Lara Lillibridge

Front cover design: Jenny Zemanek

Jacket design: Mona Lin

Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-2391-7

eBook ISBN: 978-1-5107-2392-4

Printed in the United States of America

Authors Note

I Used to Believe, Now I Know was previously published on TheFeministWire.com on September 17, 2013.

A version of Being Raised by Lesbians was previously published on Brain, Child magazines Brain, Mother blog on November 14, 2013, and reprinted on Australias iVillage website under the title How Having Two Mums Scarred Me.

Cicadas was previously published online on TheDrunkenLlama.com on December 30, 2016.

For Paul,

without whom this book would have taken a lot longer to write and
would have been a lot more difficult for the reader to follow.

contents

acknowledgments

I am incredibly lucky to have the support of my family behind me. My mother, stepmother, brother, and half-sister have all given me their blessings, even without knowing what was on the page. There is no greater gift they could have given me.

I am beyond fortunate to have the support of my significant other and my two grade-school-aged children, who understand that Mamas writing is just as important as a job outside of the home. Im also grateful that my children accept that this is a grown-up book and not appropriate for them just yet. I promise Ill write a book they can read someday.

Thanks, too, to my writing friends, who were willing to read early drafts, give encouraging words, and discuss at length the same sentences over and over again: Sandy Roffey, Sherry Dove, Andrea Fekete, Arlie Matera, and all my friends and advisors at West Virginia Wesleyan Colleges MFA program. Im grateful, too, for my online writing community of Binders on Facebook, and the generosity of the many already published writers who took the time to answer questions from all of us newbies.

I will always be grateful to my editor, Chamois Holschuh, for her patience with my thousands of emails, and to Skyhorse Publishing for believing in me and helping bring my memoir to life.

Many names have been changed, and I attempted to leave people out as much as possible in an effort to protect their privacy. My focus was on my immediate familial relationships, and I included other people only when their story overlapped ours. The absence of friends or family members is not meant to deny their importance in my life, but an attempt to tell a complicated story as simply as possible.

introduction

a childhood crossword puzzle

1. A description of my mother, starting with the letter L. Not lesbian, thats too easy. Liberal is also good, but Im looking for a physical description. Give up? Librarian. Yes, I know, she has never been employed at a library, but if you ask anyone at all to describe my mother, they all choose librarian as their first word. She is well-read and loves philosophic and political discussions. However, she is deceptively sweetfew people would guess how fiendish she is at Cards Against Humanity. A game that relies on shock value and twisted humor to win, my mother always wins.

2. My best friend, confidant, fellow rabble-rouser, and occasional arch-nemesis. Also, my only full-blooded sibling. Matthew, with two Ts. Want to know something funny? I didnt know about that second T in Matthew until I was in fifth grade. Im not entirely sure he did either. No one paid much attention to Matt back then, unless he was in trouble. I always sort of figured thats why he ended up six foot nine inches tall. He grew and grew until the world couldnt ignore him anymore.

3. What is wrong with my mothers partner, Pat, herewith referred to as my stepmother. But what about my fathers wives, you ask? Arent they also my stepmothers? Well, yes, but he was always switching them out for new ones. I think of them more as numbers. Wife #4, Wife #5, Wife #5, etc. The word stepmother in this book refers to my mothers one true love. Shes been around the longest, anywayfrom when I was three until the present. Now that we have that straightened out, lets get back to the crossword. What exactly is wrong with my stepmother? I guess it depends on who you ask. At first it was clinical depression, but that changed to manic depression. Yes, I know its called bipolar disorder now, but thats not the word our family uses. Weve always had our own preferred words for things, just like we said gay instead of lesbian when I was growing up. Yes, I do see how other diagnoses might fit her better, but Im not a doctor, so I am not allowed an opinion, no matter how many online diagnose yourself quizzes I have taken on her behalf. Just write down mental illness; well sort it out later.

4. The city where I grew up. You dont need the specific suburb, no one can spell Irondequoit, not even spell-check. You give up? You dont like my game? Rochester. Its in New York, on Lake Ontario. No, Ive never been to New York City. Its a six-hour drive and everyone I knew in college who went there got their luggage stolen. Toronto was only a three-hour drive, and everyone there knew how to use their turn signal. Rochester was the home of Kodak, Xerox, and Bausch + Lomb back then. My grandparents were given the chance to buy shares in Xerox before it was incorporated, but they felt it was too risky. Yeah, I know, pity.

5. My nickname growing up. No, not Lezzie. Four letters. Not slut, either, though I heard that a lot, too. I mean the one my parents still call me. The one that makes me cringe. Lolly. Isnt that sweet? Its downright gack-worthy. Lolly is five letters? Okay, drop one of the Ls. That works, now, doesnt it? Its more important to be creative than accurate sometimes. At least that is what my father tells me.