Kristin Berry - Born Broken: An Adoptive Journey

What others are saying...

Kristin weaves threads of hope and humor throughout an authentic representation of the challenges endured on her adoption journey. Kristins writing is a perfect blend of authenticity and hope wrapped refreshingly in humor.

Michele Schneidler, Pastor of Orphan Care,
Overlake Christian Church

Born Broken is an invaluable resource for anyone who is caring for a child who comes from a traumatic background. Kristins real-life examples, heart-felt stories, and practical advice are the perfect recipe for hope on this journey.

Ira J. Chasnoff, MD, President, NTI Upstream

Once I started reading Born Broken , I couldnt put it down. I felt I was walking through Kristins story, and in some small way, she was walking through mine. Kristin would understand my family like very few people can. Kristin weaves a beautiful tapestry of honesty, raw emotion, and hope into a single book. I highly recommend Born Broken to everyone parenting a child with a history of trauma and to anyone walking alongside them.

Lisa Qualls, Mom by birth, adoption, and foster care
Writer/Speaker/Encourager at onethankfulmom.com

Riveting and heartfelt, Kristin Berrys Born Broken is a must-read for adoptive and foster families and the people who support them. With a spirit of vulnerability and well-written prose, Kristin boldly shares the ups and downs of the Berrys journey to becoming the family God had always planned. Dont miss the beautiful honesty and encouragement of this book!

Cherie Lowe, author of Slaying the Debt Dragon:
How One Family Conquered Their Money Monster
and Found an Inspired Happily Ever After

I couldnt put this book down. I felt her pain, crying when she talked about lying in bed with her son before they had to take him to residential. I thought about my children as babies and what it would be like to make that kind of decision. So much pain and loneliness. She helps you see the love she has for her son, and it broke my heart when he began to hurt her. I never once felt anger toward her son. My heart hurt for him too because I could understand that this was not her son, but his disability. I knew this story and lived through it all as her best friend, never truly understanding or feeling her pain like I did when I read this book. The love and hope she has for Alex is what every mother feels.

Nicole Goerges, wife and mother of five

As an adult adoptee, and a person with a vested interest in adoption and foster care, I can say that Kristins words on the subject of trauma are powerful, true, and healing. This is a must-read if youre on the adoption journey, or simply a parent who is raising a child from a traumatic past.

Tony Wolf, author, speaker, and comedian

First printing: April 2017

Copyright 2017 by Kristin Berry. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations in articles and reviews. For information write:

New Leaf Press, P.O. Box 726, Green Forest, AR 72638

New Leaf Press is a division of the New Leaf Publishing Group, In c.

ISBN: 978-0-89221-754-0

ISBN: 978-1-61458-589-3 (digital)

Library of Con gress Number: 2017902087

Cover by Diana Bogardus

Please consider requesting that a copy of this volume be purchased by your local library system.

Printed in the United States of America

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www.newleafpress.com

For information regarding author interviews,

please contact the publicity department at (870) 438-5288.

Contents

Preface

This book was written with permission from my son. I wrote this book hesitantly, afraid that I would hurt my son with my words, always afraid that I would not protect my sons dignity. Each word was written with his blessing. When the story was too hard to write he urged me to keep writing, and his wish is this:

Mom, you need to write the truth. It is hard to live with FASD. I hate that I have hurt people. I hate that school is hard. I hate that I always make the wrong choice. I hate living like this. People need to know what this is like. People need to know that drinking while they are pregnant is never okay. People need to know.

This book is dedicated to my son. He is the strongest person I know.

Chapter 1

Heartbeat

His heart is beating just a flutter really. Undetectable, unseen, growing each day. She doesnt know hes there yet. She suspects though. Each time she comes down from her euphoric high, the reality lingers at the fringe of her consciousness. She pops the tab on one more can of beer and dulls the reality. Shes going to be a mother.

An Ill-Prepared Life

The first time I knew of him, it was Christmastime. He was just barely realized, not yet born, with a fate that lay undecided. His mom knew he was coming and raced against the clock to find enough money for an abortion. She hesitated though each time she spoke of the possibility. Haltingly, she weighed the choice that lay before her. I too laid awake at night thinking about her choice. Something about this unborn child filled my heart with the deepest love and longing. I prayed each day for his safe arrival. In the end, she chose life but not sobriety. The following spring, she gave birth to a 4 lb. 2 oz. baby boy. Relief washed over me when I learned of his birth. He had an uphill battle but he was already a fighter. He clawed his way out of the NICU and into the arms of a mother who wasnt quite ready.

They left the hospital and returned to the womens shelter. She had the gifts of strangers to rely on to care for her child. The other women patted his head and took turns holding him. She was appreciative of their attention, but as she returned to the room she shared with three other women, she knew she was ultimately alone. With a premature son and a preschool daughter at her side, she knew she had to start thinking of the future. She laid the child to sleep in his borrowed crib and wondered about what the future held. She was nearing her 30-day limit at the shelter. Her time there had been extended, but soon she would have to find a place for them to stay. She knew the father of her children was not the best choice for any of them. He was a kind person at heart who was caught in the same cycle of sobriety and relapse as she. It was dangerous to go back. She knew this, even as she lay down beside her little ones. Placing a pillow over her ears to drown out the constant murmur of the crowded building, she fell asleep with her new plan confirmed. In the morning she would return to him.

I knew of his story through a mutual friend, and I thought of him often that first year of his life. The first time I saw him he was six months old, just a tiny little ball of energy. His mom and I talked about the weather and our two daughters. We compared their spunky laughs and the colors of their hair. My daughters deep black against her daughters honey-colored highlights. She told me she once lived in a little Ohio town. I shared that it was just a few miles from where I had grown up. We each smiled with the joy of someone finding a connection. Sometimes its the most trivial things that bind us to others. In one such meeting, we shared the usual small exchanges. Without cause and without much thought she blurted out a secret. I think its nice that your daughter is adopted. I grew up in 13 foster homes, but my mom would never let me go. I always wished I had a family. I could think of nothing more profound, so uttered a soft, Oh. We changed topics and eventually waved goodbye as acquaintances often do. She had no reason to think often of me, but I thought of her story and her son each day.