Toni Peterson - Bruised but Not Broken: My Life with a Sociopath

Bruised
but Not
Broken

My Life with a Sociopath

TONI PETERSON

Copyright 2018 Toni Peterson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-0655-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-0656-7 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 06/13/2018

CONTENTS

Visiting a psychiatrist is very seldom a pleasant experience. It typically indicates that something has gone wrong in your life. When I tell you that I have visited a number of shrinks in my life, than you obviously know that I have been through some difficult times. I remember one of those occasions quite well.

I had come to know this therapist well and we had worked several years together. The subject that had brought us together was my husband, Frankie, and our difficulties in the marriage. I worked for years to keep our family together, but it was not happening. Frankie was not interested in the marriage, but did spend an inordinate amount of time talking with psychiatrists. Several of them had come to know much about him.

On this particular occasion, the doctor had told me that he was a narcissist and a sociopath. Even though I didnt know how to define those terms, it didnt sound like a good t hing.

What does that mean? I a sked.

She replied, I know you have heard of Charles Ma nson?.

Oh!

After letting that visual image sink into my mind, I asked, So what do you do for that?.

Her answer was not encouraging. Even if he wanted help, which he doesnt, it would take us seven years just to get sta rted.

What she said next was surprising. You know more about this than we do. Weve been studying these conditions almost 40 years and still know very little. You have been living with it everyday for years. People like Frankie never come to us, because they dont think theres anything wrong with them, unless they have already been in jail.

She then asked, So what are you going to do now?

I replied, Honestly, I dont know.

The next words she spoke were the inspiration for this book.

She added, You need to write a book. You know more about this stuff than w e do.

This is the book.

Sociopath A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior, a lack of empathy, and a lack of conscience for ot hers.

There are few things better than curling up on the couch, surrounded by pillows or perhaps snuggling with the person you love, for an evening of movie watching. Pop open a beer and grab a bowl of fresh popcorn dripping with sweet butter and youre ready. All you need at that point is a good movie. Its not likely, especially if your movie watching partner is of the opposite sex, you will agree to watch a romantic comedy, so you search for something else. Everyone loves a good story, and crime thrillers are one of the more popular genres among movie buffs, even when we know the identity of the vil lain.

1Even though you have a good idea about the movie, you can expect a surprise or two. One of the techniques movie makers have used to capture our attention in a good crime drama is to make the villain a sociopatha person who cant seem to control himself, but can always be counted on to do something horrible and often vio lent.

These movies and television shows have taught us to believe that a sociopath is usually a mass murderer who feels no sympathy or sorrow for killing. They are portrayed as out of control lunatics with no other recourse but to be violent. Its like they cant help themselves. This notion has been presented to us in such a way that we tend to think that all sociopaths are evil murders. You might be convinced that if you ever met a sociopath, you would know quickly that they are dange rous.

We conjure up a Hannibal Lecter like a character from Silence of the Lambs. Its someone so out of control and dangerous that he must be chained and locked up for the safety of society. If he is ever set free, then people will die. The term sociopath summons up visions of a crazy person, dramatic background music, and a string of dead bo dies.

However, thats not exactly true. There are many sociopathic people among us every day. You probably know some of them. It might even be they belong to your family; someone like uncle Fred who frequently yells at his wife for no apparent reason, or perhaps a cousin who always wants to be the life of the party. They might be working in your factory, serving in public office, patrolling the streets in a police car, or tucked away quietly in the house next door. Theyre not criminals. They might even be likable people and have family and friends who care deeply about them. Like any personality disorder, there are degrees of affliction. The major problem is that there is little hope for improvement or change for someone with this diso rder.

It is also interesting that many people who are leading business people have this ailment. Weve heard stories of ruthless executives who left a string of abused people on their way to the top. These people have learned to use their disorder to accomplish significant achievements. They are not necessarily physically violent, but the damage they do throughout their life can be devasta ting.

If you have been around a person without conscience or empathy for other people, you have witnessed, or perhaps even experienced first-hand, the devastation they cause. It is also likely that you have been on the receiving end of their anger and violence. You have certainly been manipulated by their need for something you can provide to them.

I was in a relationship with a sociopath for thirty years. I know firsthand the damage caused and the ruined lives they leave in their wake. It took a long time, but I was finally able to extricate myself from the marriage but to be honest, there is no way to repair the damage caused to my life and my loved ones.

Im telling my story for a couple of reasons. Foremost, Ive had several psychologists over the years tell me that I need to write a book explaining my life with Frankie. As he was in and out of counseling numerous times over the years, the doctors often turned to me to help them understand his traits. There were many things about him that were known only to me, and he was not forthcoming about them, even to the doctors. I think they were convinced that if they were ever going to understand him, they needed to understand me as well.