Ferrazzi Keith - Superconnector : stop networking and start building business relationships that matter

When I first published Never Eat Alone in 2005, having a PalmPilot and a BlackBerry was state of the art, social media was a choice between Facebook or MySpace, and networking was how you got ahead. Its not what you know; its who you know was a popular corporate mantra, leading countless thirsty junior executives to brush up on their conversational skills or attend a seminar to learn the tricks to successful networking. I was lucky, though: I had the best networking coach aroundmy father, Pete. Like most immigrant parents, he raised me to show up early, learn everything I could, work hard, and be of service. Through him, I learned that it mattered not how many people you knew but how many people you helped, because those were the people who would be there for you when you needed help.

I wrote Never Eat Alone because I saw that the way people networked was all wrong. The standard approach was transactional and self-interested, with the guiding principle being What can this person do for me? There was no sincerity, no authenticity, just a desire to grab as many business cards as possible, in the hopes that one day one of them would produce a return. Coming from an Italian family, this made no sense to me. Community is a driving force in Italian culture, and you cant create a community if everyone is just looking out for themselves. You need to look out for each other, develop opportunities for others, and find ways to make sure you all succeed: as the saying goes, a rising tide lifts all boats.

Of course, knowing what to do and knowing how to do it are rarely the same thing. Telling people Be generous, be sincere, be authentic can sound more like Put yourself out there, and open yourself up to ridicule and humiliation, and no one wants that. It was always easier to have a game face, but game face is just a euphemism for mask. I wanted to introduce the idea of leading with generosity, of showing how what you bring to the table can benefit others, and how creating a network means reaching out and being generous not just with your immediate circle of friends, but with acquaintances who may not share your interests but have complementary skills and expertise. By taking care of the people within your sphere of influence, they, in turn, will take care of you.

The development of social networks over the past decade has made forming those initial connections easier. A click of a button and youre officially someones follower; two clicks and youre friends. Its the twenty-first-century version of collecting business cards. But even with all this immediate connectivity to almost anyone, the mechanics of forming those relationships hasnt changed: we still want to know each other as individuals, not just as job titles; we still want to work with people we like and who have our best interests in mind; and mostly, we want to connect and partner with people with an interest in not only their own success but the success of others as well.

Being a Superconnector isnt a talent or a giftits having the awareness to realize that we all want the same things, even if we take different paths. Its reaching out to someone else and saying, I can help you get there. Its having the generosity of spirit that would never reduce success to a zero-sum game. Seeing people like Scott and Ryan take my words to heart and expand on them by developing their own approaches to connecting instead of networking has been gratifying. While technology is constantly changing and improving to help us become more connected with others, it cant improve upon one persons offer of support and generosity to another. Books like this remind us that it will always be the human connection to helping each other that matters most.