Jed Jurchenko - 131 Creative Conversations for Couples: Christ-Honoring Questions to Deepen Your Relationship, Grow Your Friendship, and Kindle Romance.

Creative Conversations

For Couples

Christ-honoring questions to

deepen your relationship,

grow your friendship,

and kindle romance.

Jed Jurchenko

www.coffeeshopconversations.com

2016 by Jed Jurchenko.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced,

stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review distributed through electronic media, or printed in a newspaper, magazine or journal.

Scripture quoted by permission.

All scripture quotations,

unless otherwise indicated,

are taken from the NET Bible

copyright 1996-2006

by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C.

All rights reserved.

Printed by CreateSpace,

An Amazon.com Company

Available from Amazon.com

Creative, Christ-honoring

conversation starters to grow your relationship and deepen your connection!

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Bonus Gift #2

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Dedication

To my wife, Jenny. Thank you for the many, incredible, date nights. The evenings spent sipping coffee, asking great questions, and dreaming about our future together are among my favorite memories. The fun, adventure, love, and friendship that you add to my life is astounding!

To my daughters Mackenzie, Brooklyn, Addison, and Emma. You added an overwhelming amount of joy to my life, and I love each of you! Although you four are a long way away from dating and marriage, my prayer is that, when the time is right, you will experience the joy that comes from finding a best friend, with whom you can share your inner world.

Contents

Introduction

The Power of Connection

Love, friendship, and romance are fundamental ingredients to a lasting relationship. While they are by no means the only factors, they are essential. A relationship lacking these qualities is like baking brownies, and leaving out the chocolate, eggs, or sugar. When key components are missing, a decadent treat becomes dull and bland.

Sadly, "dull and bland," sum up far too many relationships. I remember the dean of our seminary proclaiming, "The loneliest people in America are not the single adults. They are married couples, who fall asleep--back-to-back, thinking to themselves, when is this emptiness going to end?' " His words are packed with truth. Single adults have the hope of meeting that special someone and living happily ever after.

Feeling trapped in a tasteless, pancakes with no syrup, toast without the butter, hospital-mush relationship is depressing. The good news is that if your relationship is in a slump, it doesn't have to stay that way. Moreover, if you are one of those fortunate couples who already has a loving connection to their best friend, the questions in this book will assist you in building upon your solid foundation.

Mixing in the Key Ingredients

Love, friendship, and romance--three key ingredients of a happy relationship--share the common thread of intimacy. My favorite definition of intimacy is, "in-to-me-see." It is the ability to peer into the heart of another, while simultaneously allowing that person to gaze into your inner world.

In an intimate relationship, two people know each other inside and out, or to use a Biblical phrase, "the two become one." The intimate couple chooses to accept each other as is, warts and all. They make the intentional decision to find joy as a couple. This level of intimacy builds over time. It is the result of a mutual sharing of:

• Feelings
• Dreams
• Desires
• Fears
• Future aspirations
• Hopes, and
• Casual thoughts

Intimacy happens at the intersection of the casual, deep, and spiritual. From the simple knowledge of the other person's favorite meal, to understanding their deep fears and connection to their creator, intimacy covers everything.

Yet, knowledge alone is not enough. Knowing is only the first step to a joyful partnership. When I envision an intimate relationship, I imagine:

• A couple in their nineties, strolling hand-in-hand along the seashore.
• A young couple--juggling multiple jobs and a house full of kids--who long to spend every spare moment in each other's presence.
• An established couple in their fifties-- settled into the routine of life--who considers their time together to be the highlight of their week.

Love is an action word. The purpose of gaining deeper knowledge is to improve our acts of love. It is our daily demonstrations of love--shown through a playful, joyful, friendship--that matter most. This is where intimacy leads. The destination is two people who know one another fully, care for each other deeply, and are excited about spending time in each other's presence.

Fostering Intimacy

The questions in this book are designed to foster intimacy. In the pages ahead, you will find 131 open-ended questions. This means that more than a simple "yes" or "no" answer will be required. Many questions are followed up with the question "why?" in order to mine deeper into your partner's heart.

Working through this book as a couple is a gift. It is the gift of time, the gift of knowledge, and most of all, the gift of you. Back when my wife and I began dating, I kept a similar book of questions in my car. Jenny and I worked though each inquiry--one by one--over a number of weeks. We shared our hopes, dreams, and outlook on life. We laughed in coffee shops, chatted on dinner dates, and took turns asking questions while relaxing at the beach.

These times of mutual sharing were a highlight of our two-and-a-half years of dating. Now that we are married, Jenny and I continue to ask excellent questions. Of course, this is expected when a social worker and therapist unite.

As I researched other books on questions for couples, I noticed three primary complaints. Some books include R-rated material that was embarrassing and stirred up conflict. Others contained questions quickly answered with a simple "yes" or "no." The result was an experience that felt more like an interrogation than an intimate connection. Finally, older couples reported that, in many cases, they already knew what their partner's reply would be. As a result, these couples breezed through the book without deep discussion taking place.