John C H Wu - Beyond East and West

To write an autobiography or a book of confessions when one is still a babyfor, after all, life begins at fiftyis, to say the least, a hazardous undertaking. I should never have started this book were it not for the persistent pressure of my friends, especially my dear confessor, Father Nicholas Maestrini, who has been praying for it more than ten years. Other priests, including Father Pasquale dElie and Father F. Legrand, have also pressed me to do it. Their reason is, perhaps, that the capturing and taming of one dragon might lead to the capturing and taming of all the other dragons. Of course, they know as well as I do that everything depends upon the grace of God, but they think that the story of my conversion may throw some light on the spiritual physiognomy of my countrymen and give the missioners some hints on the ways of approaching them. Moreover, as I was the worst of the prodigal sons, my return sets the mercies of the Almighty Father in the clearest relief.

As early as 1941, Father Maestrini offered a votive Mass to the Holy Spirit for the book which he wanted me to write. I began to write some paragraphs, but I stopped for lack of sustaining interest. There are many ways of glorifying God, I thought, and of helping other souls to see the Light, and the writing of a book of confessions is the least desirable of all. To my mind, one Hail Mary said devoutly would lead more souls to Christ than a dozen autobiographies. In the meantime, I addressed myself to the translation of the Sunday Missal, the Psalms and the New Testament. I told Father Maestrini that his votive Mass to the Holy Spirit was not in vain, because his prayers had been answered in a far better way than we had dreamed of.

In 1948 I was in Rome. It happened that Father Maestrini had his sabbatical year just then. He returned from Hongkong to Italy to visit his parents and relatives in Perugia. When he was in Rome, he visited me in my Legation. One of the first questions he asked me was, Have you forgotten about the book?

Which book? I said.

Your Life, of course! he said.

So you want my life! I rejoined. Frankly, I cannot do it. When one is in love, one is too much absorbed in ones beloved to think of oneself. I am just preparing a book on the spiritual life, based on the Beatitudes, and I have no time to deal with my own life.

But your life is not your own, it belongs to God. To write about your life is to give an account of the graces that you have received from God, and the wonderful ways of His Providence.

Yes, Father, but ones Life should be the last book, not the first book. Take St. Augustine, for instance. He must have written The City of Godbefore he produced his Confessions. If you can show me that the Confessionscame before his other works, I should be willing to reconsider my decision.

Somehow I was quite sure that at last I had shut the mouth of Father Maestrini. But he would not yield so easily. He immediately took down from my shelves Cayrs Patrologie et histoire de la thologie, and, after some feverish searching, said to me, John, you are wrong. The Confessionswas written long before The City ofGod! I felt like a man who had fallen into his own trap. The joke was on me. However, I did not start to write. The duties of my state were my excuse.

In the early days of June 1949, I had an unexpected visit from Frank Sheed and Maisie Ward and their son Wilfrid, accompanied by the Passionist Father Alfred Wilson. Although it was the first time I had the pleasure of meeting the famous couple, I had known them through their books. Only recently my good friend Monsignor Charles Duchemin, the Rector of the Collegio Beda, had recommended for my reading Sheeds Theology and Sanity, which he himself had been using as a book for meditations. As to Maisie Ward, I had also been enjoying her Young Mr. Newman. I thought it was a God-sent opportunity to submit the project of my book on The Way of Love, which has to do with the three ages of the spiritual life. If Mr. Sheed should approve of that project, that would be something to tell Father Maestrini. What was my surprise when Mr. Sheed said that, while he was delighted with the project, he would like to have me do a spiritual autobiography first!