McHugh - Like my teacher always said ...: weighty words, crazy wisdom, the road to detention, and advice we could never forget, even if we tried

Editor: David Cashion
Designer: Devin Grosz
Production Manager: Katie Gaffney

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015949273

ISBN: 978-1-4197-2025-3
eISBN: 978-1-6131-2934-0

Copyright 2016 Erin McHugh

Published in 2016 by Abrams Image, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

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Ive had great luck and wonderful experiences with my teachers, from Sister Mary Daniela straight through to Bart Giamatti, but it was the faculty and administration at Skidmore College during the 1970s who taught me the most important lesson: Girls can do anything.

I love work. I would work for free.

SUE

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

I started out thinking about teachers in a very straightforward way: as the men and women who stand at the front of our classrooms during our formative years, the folks who keep us in line, somehow teach us fractions, often instill good manners and lifelong values, and scrape the spitballs off the walls at the end of very long days. Along with our parents, they are probably the most important influences leading us down the pathsometimes smooth, often rockyto our adult selves.

But when I began talking to people about the memories they had of their student years, what I found right away was that the word teacher encompasses a much wider group of people than I had originally considered, and that classrooms arent just in the schoolhouse. Of course, for most of us, the majority of our traditional and formal education happens between the years we toddle off to kindergarten and our near-adult time spent in collegethe latter years often spent far from home and under the thrall of the new, exciting ideas presented by our professors rather than the well-worn, oft-repeated ideas our mothers and fathers had been desperately trying to imbue in us. But along the way, we meet other people who are teachers of one sort or another, too.

Oh, but I want to tell you what my football coach said to me, someone told me. His advice has stayed with me my whole life. Another said, My first mentor when I entered the workforce taught me a lesson Ive never forgottenthough at the time I was mortified. There were faculty advisors, too, and guidance counselors. And, of course, for students of a certain age and religious background, there were The Nuns. Their reputation precedes them, but the care these womenwho had no children of their ownoften bestowed on their charges demonstrated that everything wasnt, well, just black and white.

So, my initial notion of what a teacher is grew. And my understanding of what kinds of things they taught us became much vaster. Often, when queried, contributors in this book would initially remember a silly or amusing incident or anecdote from their early school years, then they would stop, consider, and relate a story that has stuck with them well into adulthood. The lessons our teachers impart are countless, the care they give, boundless; the dreams they help us realize, infinite; the hours of listening, endless.

And then there is the very obvious thing that I hadnt considered: Sure the students wanted to tell stories about their teachers and share advice theyd gotten from themfrom funny to shocking to wisebut it also turned out that the teachers had plenty to say themselves. They wanted to share what they say to their classes and what they think works in a classroom. A lot of teaching is trial and error, but they didnt at all mind telling tales on themselves. In the end, Like My Teacher Always Said... turned out to be a warm, hilarious, sweetand sometimes unnerving!collection of life in front of the blackboard, with everyone chiming in. Its said that children are our future, but Ill tell you this: Not without our teachers.

SCARE
TACTICS

Any teacher with experiencelike, a weeks worth of experienceknows that sometimes one of the best ways to keep law and order in the classroom is through instilling a little harmless fear. Nothing crazy or long-lasting to the psychejust a few tricks to temporarily scare the students straight... at least until the bell rings.

My seventh-grade English teacher just loved signs, I guess. Above the door beneath the clock was: Time passes... will YOU? He also had a round sign hanging from one of the light fixtures that read TOIT. His point was that everyone always says theyre going to get AROUND TO IT (a round TOIT, get it?), but they never do.

CAIT on Mr. M .

This paper looks like you dipped a chick in ink and let it run around your paper, Mrs. K. wrote on my assignment in the fifth grade. This was right before she gave me a failing grade in penmanship. This followed Miss O., my fourth-grade teacher, who announced to the class that William would receive the monthly handwriting sample because he has the worst penmanship she had ever seen. I will not reveal my age here (though heres a hint: Im retired), but it never got any better.

WILLIAM

I tell every parent with a student from ninth grade and onward: Dont go away for even a weekend for the next four years.

SUSAN

The most memorable thing one of my teachers said to me was in kindergarten. She said, Mind your own business. I had simply asked why there was a sixth grader sitting on a stool in a corner facing the wall in our classroom. I was stricken! I grew up to be an author, and I have always wondered if that incident had something to do with the fact that I have spent almost my entire career asking (and answering) questions.

ERIC on Mrs. B.

My high school chemistry teacher used to tell us, Carol never wore her safety goggles. Now, she doesnt need them. It was a joke. I think. But it sure got the point across.

ALICIA on Mr. P.

My second-grade teacher, Mr. K., had me pegged from the start. He was constantly after me, saying, You had better settle down and settle down FAST!

LEIGH on Mr. K.

I teach pre-K, and I get some kids with real potty mouths, even at that age. Im never going to be able to eradicate it, but I try to make a dent.

Youre not allowed to say bad words unless youre eighteen, I tell them. How old are you?

Four, theyll say. Five.

OK, no bad words, then. You can say them when you are eighteen.

Do you say bad words? they want to know next.

Not when Im with you guys, I say, reminding them, because youre four.

DIANA

In my years of teaching, I would tell anyone who put his or her head down on a desk that I would remove the desk if it happened again, and, When your head hits the floor, it will be quite a mess.