Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D. - How to Deal with Toxic People

How to Deal with Toxic People
2021 Gregory L. Jantz
Published by Aspire Press
An imprint of Tyndale House Ministries
Carol Stream, Illinois
www.hendricksonrose.com

ISBN 978-162862-990-3

All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

The views and opinions expressed in this book are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily express the views of Rose Publishing, nor is this book intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment or professional counseling. The information in this resource is intended as guidelines for healthy living. Please consult qualified medical, legal, pastoral, and psychological professionals regarding individual concerns.

Rose Publishing is in no way liable for any context, change of content, or activity for the works listed. Citation of a work does not mean endorsement of all its contents or of other works by the same author(s).

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked nasb are taken from NASB New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995, 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.lockman.org.

Build: 2021-10-06 11:18:57 EPUB 3.0

Introduction

Toxic People.

This could be the title of a bad science fiction moviea genetic experiment gone horribly wrong, or a planet-wide radiation leak from an orbiting government satellite turning millions of unsuspecting citizens into havoc-wreaking zombies.

If only it were that simple!

Compared to the real storythe one that lots of people live out every day because of a toxic person (or people) in their lifethose fictional plotlines seem downright appealing. Thats because in Hollywood scripts, a brilliant but unsung hero always finds the key to putting everyone right again and saving the world before the credits roll.

In real life, we wont get off so easy. The truth is, toxic people pose huge problems in nearly every social and professional setting: work, home, church, school, public places, private businesses, and relationships of every kind. NBCs Today Show surveyed more than 20,000 people to ask about their experience with toxic friends. An astounding 84 percent of women and 75 percent of men responded that theyd had a toxic friendship at some point in their lives. And those numbers dont even include toxic coworkers, bosses, or family members.

The traits that qualify these people as toxic often become a significant drain on the mental and emotional well-being of others, sowing discord and dysfunction in every aspect of daily life. Is that a bit overstated and dramatic? I dont think so. Chances are, if youve ever had to live with a truly toxic person in your life, you dont think so either.

In the pages ahead, well examine the kind of behavior that defines a toxic person; the common origins of toxic traits; the ways in which a toxic person impacts the lives of others; andmost important of allwhat you can do to protect yourself from toxic people.

First, its necessary to define precisely what we mean by the term toxic people and that turns out to be trickier than it first appears. In fact, a hallmark of toxic behavior is that it frequently keeps one off balance through its inconsistency by:

• deftly deflecting blame or responsibility;
• playing on the goodwill or guilt of others; or
• outright gaslightingmaking others feel as if they are the dysfunctional ones.

Often, the first step toward dealing effectively with a negative relationship in your life is simply gaining the confidence to call it what it is: toxic.

On the other hand, the term toxic people comes dangerously close to attaching judgment to individuals and not just the behaviors they exhibit. As well see, toxic traits are often rooted in past trauma or underlying mental disorders that cry out for treatment, not harsh condemnation. That is not a rationale for ignoring or enduring the effects of a toxic person in your life. Its simply a reminder to safeguard basic human value and dignityeven for the most challenging people among uswhile at the same time learning to protect yourself.

With that in mind, here is a definition from Psychology Today that succeeds in preserving compassion while pulling no punches about the problems that toxic people can cause:

Toxic is obviously not a formal psychological term but rather is descriptive of how people often feel when dealing with certain individuals. Toxic describes interactions where boundaries are often blurred, where individuals themselves and/or their behaviors are felt to be difficult, challenging, demanding, often adversarial. Toxic relationships are not fueled by mutual care and support but are often skewed to accommodate an individuals needs and demands. Needless to say, these are not healthy relationships and often, whether meaning to or not, toxic behaviors chip away at the equality of the participants and corrupt whatever could be good in a relationship.

Another way to recognize youve got a problem is to notice how interaction with the toxic person makes you feel. No healthy relationship will cause you to feel:

• Physically or emotionally drained after spending time together.
• Reduced confidence in yourself or enjoyment of your life.
• Guilty for not doing more to solve their problems.
• Confused about your boundaries or beliefs.
• Frustrated that your needs, thoughts, and feelings dont matter.

The good news that this book is meant to deliver is simple: God wants you to be free!

It is not only possible to free yourself from the effects of toxic people in your life, its vital.

You have the right to choose healthy, fulfilling, mutually rewarding, and uplifting relationships, and to drastically limit or end those that dont measure up. It is not only possible to free yourself from the effects of toxic people in your life, its vital that you do so to protect and promote your own well-being. An article in Forbes puts it like this:

Recent research from Friedrich Schiller University in Germany shows just how serious toxic people are. They found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotionsthe same kind of exposure you get when dealing with toxic peoplecaused subjects brains to have a massive stress response. Whether its negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just plain craziness, toxic people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.

Dealing with toxic people is never simple or easy, but I trust you have come to this book because you are ready to do what it takes to redraw your boundaries and reclaim your life. Read on to learn how.