Beth Withers Banning - When Mommies Cry: Losing a Baby

2019 Beth Withers Banning

When Mommies Cry

losing a baby

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Cover design by Gayle Gansle.

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All Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version. Public domain.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019914238

ISBN 978-1-400327010 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-400327027 (eBook)

Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.

Lovingly dedicated to

Charles Lester Banning

I would like to gratefully acknowledge those who have walked me through this process and spent countless hours supporting me in my grief.

My precious Lord Who made the thoughts and words flow and with incredible ease. His footprints are found throughout these pages as He carried me through this valley.

My sister and brother-in-law, David and Terri Green, who gave me refuge immediately after losing Charles. Their sacrificial love and care for me were beyond description and they gave me time to mend. As years progressed, David and Terri were always there for me in every way. God put into my life two precious people who were staunch supporters of putting my story in print so that it could possibly help others. Thank you.

My friend, Faith Austin, who was the inspiration behind this book. Journaling was a huge part of my healing process in the early days after losing Charles and it was Faith who encouraged me to formulate my thoughts into a book. Amazingly, she never gave up on encouraging me to publish and even offered financial support to make this project a reality. I cant thank her enough for pulling me through.

This book is a labor of love derived from the many friends and loved ones who stood by Terribeth and me through the darkest valley of my life. Only eternity will reveal their rewards.

W hen Mommies Cry provides a detailed account of the authors familiarity with losing a child. Beth Withers Banning delves deep into her soul to express lessons she learned from her first-hand knowledge of grief and demonstrates how it can assist in the grieving process for mothers everywhere. Ms. Withers Banning takes the reader through a personal narrative of her experience and shares on every level the emotions, reactions, associations, and results that came from losing her newborn son.

O ne of the most precious resources given to mankind is the tears we are allowed to shed. Even God, Himself, values this precious commodity as He bottles them in Heaven for safekeeping. On July 20, 1985, I lost my son, Charles, to a premature birth. He lived only one hour and forty-five minutes, a small measure of time that changed my life forever. In these next pages, please allow me to share with you joyous effects of my tears from that experience. Cry with me tears of joy and pain, with understanding and compassion for those mothers who have lost their children.

While the tragedy of that day was devastating, the culmination of those many tears has resulted in a commitment to help women who have experienced the loss of a child whether to miscarriage, premature birth, abortion, stillbirth or infant death. It is my prayer that the millions of women who have also chosen to end their pregnancies will somehow understand my tears and join me in acceptance of such a loss.

I have learned so much through this experience about knowing and loving; caring and sharing; and especially the value of tears. In so learning, I can confidently say that Gods grace works! It was and is the grace of God that has empowered me to take one day at a time and deal with deaths crippling effect. If for some reason you read this Preface and would dispose of this book because of what helped me, please let me plead with you to continue reading. Perhaps you will see your loss in a different perspective.

While the bittersweet memories of our children will linger forever, joy does come in the morning and weeping only endures for a moment. If we can understand that, our children have not died in vain. Their sweet lives were not wasted and their tiny imprint on this world can change it for the better. For this reason, I give you When Mommies Cry.

Beth Withers Banning

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He cometh forth like a flower.

Job 14:2 (KJV)

I snt it strange how we all seem to grow up embracing the same Cinderella dream of marriage and babies? I was married at the age of eighteen and wanted a child from the very beginning. The first couple of years, we tried to conceive with no results. I didnt worry too much because college and career took up my time and thoughts. As my biological clock started ticking, however, and college and career became old news, my husband and I began to wonder if we were ever going to have children.

After years of trying to have children, things became quite serious. The big three-zero was upon us and still no sign of children. Of course, there were societal penalties from not already having started a family. When are you going to start having children? Whats taking you two so long? Comments like, Its time for you kids to get a family started, really took their toll on us. Eventually, though, everyone was silenced by our obvious avoidance of the subject, coupled with the fact that I cried at almost every baby shower.

In a panic, we eagerly signed up with two adoption agencies who promised a minimum of five years waiting. I began inquiring about fertility tests and went to specialist after specialist to find out why I could not get pregnant. It really became quite humorous trying all the different suggestions to improve fertility. Looking back, our exercises in fertility were fun, but nothing seemed to dispel the dark cloud of infertility hanging over our heads.

I watched so many women I knew who didnt welcome their pregnancies and grieved for them. I longed desperately to feel a child in my womb. My hopes and dreams were bound up in being a mother, and it seemed so unfair that these women had a choice. Life seemed to pass me by until, finally, God heard my plea.

Much to our delight, after ten years of barrenness, one morning I awoke to complete and total nausea. I immediately dismissed the possibility of morning sickness lest it be untrue. The next two weeks held more of the same, and somehow, I knew that God had finally granted us a pregnancy! For the third time that year, I went to the doctor for a blood test and waited patiently for two whole days. Drugstore pregnancy tests werent available thenthey really did have to kill the rabbit. To save embarrassment, I refused to jinx it by telling anyone. Then, the news I had been waiting for so long: