Cheryl Brodersen - A Womans Battle for Grace: Why God Is More Than You Expected and Everything You Need

When it comes to grace, the first and foremost to be acknowledged is the Lord Jesus Christ, who graciously gave His life for me that I might be saved, empowered, and blessed through His magnificent grace. I am thankful for the grace He lavished on me in giving me my gracious parents, Chuck and Kay Smith, who were the first to introduce and exemplify Gods grace to me. I am also so very grateful for Gods gift to me in my wonderful husband who has ceaselessly delighted me with his gracious kindness, love, forgiveness, and humor through 38 years of marriage. In Gods wisdom He also gave me Kristyn, Char, Kelsey, and Braden. These four dynamic offspring were relentless in their quest to bring their mother into the full acknowledgment and dependency on Gods grace. I dont think I could have truly understood the riches of Gods grace without them! Then there are my precious friends who prayed, submitted their stories, helped me with edits, and believed in this book. Their constant encouragement was a catalyst to go deeper into the riches of Gods grace. My thankfulness continues to extend to Harvest House and especially Bob Hawkins for his enthusiasm and urgings to write this book, and for pairing me with the brilliant and gracious Kathleen Kerr. Her encouragements made my heart soar. Also, I was overjoyed with the edits of Betty Fletcher and Jean Bloom. They truly put the Z in zing.

Cheryl Brodersen, the daughter of Pastor Chuck and Kay Smith, is a popular speaker and the author of When a Woman Lets Go of the Lies and When a Woman Lets Go of Her Fears, and coauthor with her husband of Growing Together as a Couple . She also hosts Living Grace on CalvaryChapel.com and is a radio cohost every Friday afternoon on Pastors Perspective with her husband, Pastor Brian Brodersen. Currently Cheryl and Brian serve at Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa in California.

To learn more about Harvest House books and to read sample chapters, visit our website:

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.

1 C ORINTHIANS 15:10

I t started out as one of those perfect days. I walked around my perfectly ordered house, congratulating myself on a job well done. I glanced at five neatly packed suitcases, ready for a lengthy missions trip to England with my husband and four children. My laundry was done, and dinner preparation was in full gear. On my bed lay two masterful messages on grace Id share the following day at a womens conference at our home church. Though the pressure to speak at a conference just two days before our scheduled departure would overwhelm others, it seemed to have no effect on me. I remember my feelings of self-satisfied smugness as I contemplated all my accomplishments.

If you hate me so far because of my perfect life, dont worry; it was all about to changedrastically.

My husband, Brian, walked into the house with our teenage daughter. They had left together that morning for Kristyns visit to the hairdresser, and shed been only mildly annoyed about her long, blond tresses. Now the same child was almost unrecognizable. Gone were the flowing locks, and in their place were inch-long spikes with concentric blond circles. I stared for a moment before my mind registered that I was looking at my daughter.

Then it happened. I let out a long and loud shriek! Unfortunately, that was only the beginning of my tirade. I cant remember how my daughter responded, but I know I let loose with a litany of comments a mother should never make to a daughter who is still in the throes of adolescence.

When my husband threw me the Who are you and where did you come from? look, I naturally turned my fury on him. How could he have allowed my daughters hair to be plowed into these ghastly furrows?

That man then had the audacity to ask me if I was planning on speaking at the church the next day with that attitude. Now the deepest reaches of my anger were loosed. I ran upstairs and grabbed my messages off the bed. Standing on the second floor overlooking the banister, I ripped them apart and poured their pieces down on astonished faces. Gone were the majestic messages extolling the glory of Gods amazing grace.

Brian tried to calm me down, but his words only made me angrier. I ran back into my bedroom and loudly slammed the door behind me. Then it began to strike me that I, the woman who was supposed to share on amazing grace, was a monster. I desperately wanted the control Id exhibited hours before my daughters arrival home, but it wouldnt come. I threw myself on my knees and begged God to help me get control. I didnt want to be that woman I felt insidethe out-of-control woman who was scaring everyone around her.

Even as I prayed, I explained to the Lord that I was not that woman. I didnt even know her. She was nothing like the image I had of myself. Again, I repented. This time I asked the Lord to remove that woman from my home. I berated her. I hated her. Having sufficiently explained my case to the Lord and repented, I went out to apologize to the family. Five dismayed faces stared at me as I profusely apologized for my appalling behavior. I told them Id been as shocked as they were by the irrational display of anger.

However, as I articulated my apology, the girl with the polka-dot-cropped hair said something sassy, and the beast came back to life! Back to my room I ran. I was as terrified of myself as my family was of me. I was out of control. I couldnt predict what I would do next. No one was safe, especially not me.

This time as I prayed I was crying and pleading with the Lord! I felt helpless against my own temper and irrationality. I told Him I wasnt getting off my knees or even leaving that room until He delivered me from myself. I was ready to feel the full condemnation of His disappointment with me; I had failed my family, my husband, the ministry, and the church. I had not only acted unbecomingly, but downright beastly. I fully deserved whatever sentence the Great Judge meted out. I was ready to step down from ministry as well as resign any position in the church He chose.

The message that came to me from the Lord was far different from the one I expected. First, it was kind. He reminded me of the story of Nebuchadnezzar found in Daniel 4, the humiliating experience of the prideful military conqueror and king of Babylon. Having had a troubling dream, he summoned the prophet Daniel to give him the interpretation. When Daniel heard the kings dream, he also became troubled and begrudgingly explained that the dream signified God was about to humble Nebuchadnezzars pride in a drastic way. Daniel urged him to quickly humble himself before God so the episode could be avoided.

Nebuchadnezzar placed this saintly advice on the back burner. Perhaps he amended his way for a time, but he went right back to his prideful self. Then one day a year later, as he was perusing his kingdom and boasting to himself about his glorious accomplishments, the inevitable happened. Even as the prideful words spilled from Nebuchadnezzars lips, a voice of judgment fell from heaven. At that very moment he lost all his senses and was driven to live among the beasts of the field until he acknowledged that the Most High ruled in the kingdom of men.

Like Nebuchadnezzar, I felt as though I had lost my sensibilities. I was totally out of control. Less than an hour before I had been walking in my own little kingdom of good works, congratulating myself on everything Id done to merit Gods grace. Now I felt the Lord speak to my heart, Cheryl, this is you without My grace . Immediately I began to cry out for Gods grace to pour into, over, and on me. It did. This time, unlike the after of my other attempts, when I rose from my knees and left the room, the anger was gone. It hadnt simply subsided. It wasnt being suppressed. It wasnt even there. It was gone!